Etan Thomas Should Not Rap

Wizards center Etan Thomas is the rare professional athlete with interests beyond the game. Agree with him or not, it's commendable to see him get involved in causes he believes in. But for all his off the court talents, maybe it's time for him to give up the spoken word/rap game. 

Some context: Thomas was diagnosed with a leaking aortic valve in 2007. He ended up sitting out a year, but he didn't think he received fair treatment from the Wizards' beat reporters while he made his way back to the court. And now Thomas is back to douse all the doubters in the media with some haterade...or something like that...in a rap. Some choice lyrics: 

Rather than passing judgments they should be asking questions;

Gathering facts before lashing out baseless opinions.

You would think knowing would be half the battle but G.I. Joe they're not.

[...]

They tried to enlist me in their army of negativity but I kept ignoring their platters like they were offering pork.

See, storks couldn't bring me bundles of joy more precious than the power from above;

It's over their heads like halos.

They couldn't understand that I'd found the golden ticket;

Call me Charlie, and my factory hasn't been condemned.

I've got a quicker picker upper stronger than Bounty to clean up the filth from their pen;

Wizards beat writers, you just got served! Just like the end of 8 Mile! Except the exact opposite.