This Weekend Has Really Sucked, Huh?

So…. Coming into this weekend, I was actually pretty thrilled to be working. Sure, it means kind of a muted weekend, but it’s playoff football. Everything we want from college football every year, but with better players! In theory, the NFL playoffs is about as good as it gets in sports.

You’ve got football—the most popular sport in the United States—along with heightened intensity that comes with the playoffs, and it all amounts to a giant excuse for laziness. That’s the goal with sports. Just give us an excuse to sit around for a few hours and call it an activity.

“What’d you do Sunday?”

“Duuuude. Watched the game, of course. Did you see that finish? INSANE.”

Let us pretend that sitting on the couch for 8 hours straight is NOT a colossal waste of time. That’s all we ever wanted. But instead, let’s review what we’ve gotten.

With haiku, just out of boredom:

Jets 24, Bengals 14
Bad team meets bad team,
Mark Sanchez hero, Shayne Graham chokes.
Jets Advance. Really.

Cowboys 34, Eagles 14
Donovan Mcnabb.
Overhyped. Not ‘cause he’s black though.
Just ‘cause he’s awful.

Ravens 33, Patriots 14
Ray Rice running wild.
Brady. Such a heahhht-break-ahhh.
Not in a good way.

Cardinals 17, Packers 0
Green Bay lays down.
It’s early, but it’s over.
Let’s enjoy Joe Buck!

We haven’t had one good game, and even some of the winning teams haven’t been that great. Joe Flacco’s final stats in the Ravens win? 4/10, 34 yards, and an interception. And don’t even get me started on Sanchez and the Jets. Maybe next week will be better. Until then, one more:

Parity is fine,
Until every team’s average.
Then it kind of sucks.