Celebrate Nationalism and Deflect Knives All With One Handy Vest

I know what you're thinking: "Man, I love going to the World Cup, but when the soccer hooligan shivs me in 86th minute after I cheer for a goal, it just kills me that his blade is stopped by a nondescript body armor." ↵

↵So do I have some good news for you. ↵

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↵ ↵

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↵A visionary, or deeply cynical, company has decided to market the PROKTEKTORVEST, a body armor vest designed to protect against stabbings, specifically for the World Cup. "Yeah? So what?" you scoff. "Lots of companies make body armor." ↵

↵

↵But do those companies let you put your nation's flag over the chest plate? OH NO! THEY DO NOT! The makers of the PROKTEKTORVEST do. For only $2 on top of the $70 price of the vest. ↵

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↵Some will say it is in poor taste to market this product because the World Cup is in Africa, and we are all being big racists for presuming going to Africa for any reason equals violent death. Last I checked, there are stupid sports fans capable of gruesome acts everywhere. Especially Philadelphia. ↵

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↵So soccer fans, rest assured that if a guy wants to stick a shard of glass in your heart, he's gonna have to go through Old Glory first. AND THESE COLORS DON'T RUN! ↵

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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