In the interest of stoking the embers, I'm passing this piece along from Will Leitch.
Your attempts to revitalize your downtown are proving ineffective at overcoming years of urban decay; your shifting attitude toward daylight savings makes it impossible to figure out what the hell time it ever is; your hastily constructed skyscrapers are so flimsy they can't stand up to wind; the Central Canal that runs through your city is a glorified stream; you're responsible for the hypocritical, exploitative monster that is the NCAA; you built a monorail, for cripes sake; your primary cultural moment was being where everybody lived on "One Day at a Time"; it is physically impossible to get a bite to eat in your town after 8:30 p.m.; and the only thing visiting teams' players say about your town is that it has unusually lawless strip clubs. Oh, and nobody cares about the Indy 500 anymore.
Sorry, Indianapolis residents. Don't get too down on yourselves. The interstate highways that run through your city offer a remarkably smooth ride. And did I mention your beltway? Fantastic!