USF Didn't Hire the High School Kid, But Some Schools Should Have Taken a Look

↵ It's too bad South Florida hired Skip Holtz, because if they were any of a half-dozen schools that made wacky hires in the recent past it would be easy to point to this kid… ↵

↵
↵⇥

↵⇥On Jan. 8, the day USF President Judy Genshaft and athletic director Doug Woolard announced at a noon news conference that the university had dismissed Leavitt, at least nine resumes/applications were e-mailed to USF officials either directly from coaches or their agents. … ↵⇥

↵⇥

↵⇥The most off-beat applicant: Michael Moore, a high school student in Texas who has no coaching experience but decided to e-mail university officials about the job. ↵⇥

↵
↵

↵…and say that they should have hired that guy as long as his grades in AP calculus were decent. Skip Holtz is coming off back-to-back conference championships, though, and seems like a good choice. USF probably made the right move here by passing over the kid. ↵

↵

↵If Mr. Moore had emailed a few other schools, though, he might have actually gotten the job. At least an interview. Let's hit some of the cover letter highlights Moore should have issued to… ↵

↵

USC

↵
    ↵⇥
  • As a sophomore I'll be around for more than 14-21 months before going off to college.
  • ↵⇥
  • After two weeks without shaving, patches of slight stubble are detectable on face.
  • ↵⇥
  • Can double as distractingly cute kid during introductory press conference.
  • ↵⇥
  • Second line on resume—"won online Madden league"—more relevant than "hot wife."
  • ↵⇥
  • Not an infamous nationwide punch-line. Also have never made Al Davis look sane.
  • ↵
↵ ↵

TENNESSEE

↵
    ↵⇥
  • Lifetime coaching record of .500 (0-0) beats Derek Dooley by three games.
  • ↵⇥
  • Father was third-team all-state in the shotput 30 years ago and can come along as QB coach.
  • ↵⇥
  • Have never met another college football coach and therefore don't care that you gave guaranteed contracts to assistants in their first year at the school.
  • ↵⇥
  • See above for sophomore bit. Moore era guaranteed to be long and glorious in comparison to last guy.
  • ↵
↵

TEXAS TECH

↵
    ↵⇥
  • This one time when I was five I put my hand on a hot stove and was burned pretty badly, and then I didn't do the exact same thing again like two weeks later.
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  • Due to Keira Knightley fascination, have memorized all dialogue from Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy.
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  • Play aforementioned "Madden" just like Mike Leach calls plays.
  • ↵
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SAN JOSE STATE

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    ↵⇥
  • Hire would bring program more attention than rest of program's existence put together.
  • ↵
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↵Compelling reasons, all, without even mentioning the humorous mixups arising from Moore sharing a name with an obese flamethrowing documentarian. The sitcom plots write themselves. ↵

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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