Some Free Advice For Hockey, From Someone Who Doesn't Watch Hockey

Despite Sportscenter’s demise over the past few years—wait, it’s been unbearable since 1996? Jeez—there are still a couple anchors on there that are consistently awesome.

Namely, Scott Van Pelt and John Buccigross. Both of them are great, and in his hockey column this week, Buccigross ends with a funny suggestion for the Carolina Hurricanes:

30. Carolina Hurricanes
I would sign six fighters and try to beat the heck out of the other team, “Deliverance” style, for the rest of the team’s home games. "Five fights or your money back!

Now, I don’t watch much hockey, but this seems like a model with potential. Like relegation, but instead of dropping down a division, the NHL mandates that a team like the Hurricanes would have to become the NHL’s version of the Charlestown Chiefs for the rest of the year. Can somebody wake up Gary Bettman?

MMA is HUGE these days. You paying attention, Gary? Fans want to see blood, not beauty. Why not capitalize on the craze and give the people what they want? It’d be like Ultimate Fighting, mixed with ice, mixed with toothless Eastern European goons who don’t speak English, mixed with the impossibly beautiful girlfriends of those same goons. LET'S DO IT.

It’s not something that’d make me watch hockey, but hey, it might get the NHL on Sportscenter for the first time in years, and at least we’d finally be watching hockey highlights. I’m serious. Somebody go wake up Gary Bettman.