Brutal Championship a Fitting End to Worst. Season. Ever.

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I cannot believe the Sporting News lets you post on their website.  You are a joke of a writer.  Obviously a biased SEC hater.  Sorry that SEC express rolls on.   A suggestion: the rest of collegefootball, please get it together and pose a challenge, otherwise we willcontinue to hoist that beloved crystal ball at the end of the season.  Sorry bro, that’s just the way it is!

No, he’s right, this season stunk. The fact that a team with mediocrity at quarterback went undefeated, and won the national championship, shows how awful this season was, and how uninspiring the competition was. Great games were few and far between, and pretty much any hype being sold was proven false by the end of the year.

Have you actually taken a look at the season Mark Ingram had? He won the Heisman with that season? He’s a very good player, but come on. That right there should tell you all you need to know about college football in the 2009-2010 season.

"Maybe we could all be less crotchety if Texas’s potential game-winning drive contained at least one completion. It did not."

Yeah.  Football sucks as a game don’t it?

Before I read your screed, I read this in the ‘About Us’ section of the webpage…

"We welcome you to join us daily as we attempt to make you laugh while possibly insulting your intelligence."

Then, I read this…"I love me some Dr. Z…"

Congrats on the "insulting intelligence" part.

Look Genius, if you want to sound like an inner city mentally indigent buffoon then please do either of the following, as others who go over the top to be hip do; first, cut a rap demo; second, join the staff at ESPN.

It’s called team effort! That said if Alabama’s fate was in the hands of McElroy I can’t honestly say that they would be the National Champions this year, just look at today’s game. But they have an excellent HC Nick Saban, a good running game and their Lines are pretty **** good. I wonder if College football fans would be calling this a bad or terrible season if it was their team that was being crowned the National Champion. Just a thought and I’m a Bruin fan. It’s about the Alabama Crimson Tide not McElroy’s Tide, or the Texas Longhorns not Colt’s Longhorns. Last comment if were going to refer to McElroy as a mediocore QB the same can be said about alot of QB’s in college.

It’s been clear that this would be a terrible season since October. My team will never win a national championship, so that really has no bearing on my view of the season.

Yes, a lot of college football teams have mediocre quarterbacks. There are also a lot of college football teams who don’t go undefeated and win the championship. There were no great teams this season. There was minimal drama. The best game of the year was probably USC over Ohio State, and that proved to be a mostly meaningless one. That’s not a recipe for a good season of college football.

That doesn’t mean that Alabama shouldn’t celebrate their championship, or anything of the sort. It just means that this season wasn’t nearly as entertaining as most college football seasons. Is that such a shocking statement to make?

Well once again Big-12 idiots are showing their collective a$$es…According to Brian Cook, Sam Bradford’s fragile shoulder helped to ruin the whole CFB season!?!  Sure it did…Also, according to ShaunPhillips a team with "mediocrity at quarterback won the national championship" which also helped to ruin the whole season.  Apparently Shaun forgot that football is a team sport.  He also points out that Marc Ingram had a lackluster season.  Interesting, considering he now holds the single-season rushing record at UA.  Good point because UA has never had any good running-backs?!?  JackA$$.  Ingram had an especially bad game tonight against the "#1 rushing" UT defense.  Oh yeah, I forgot Big-12 teams only throw the  ball hence Texas’s "#1 rushing defense" that gave up almost 200 yards rushing in the first half of the BCS game.  Additionally, for anyone that thinks Suh should have won the Heisman I think he had about 12 sacks in 2009.  That’s pretty good.  Derrick Thomas had 25 or so in one season in the 80’s at Bama.  Guess what….no invitation to New York!  So for all you sore loser UT fans come back and try again next year, talk trash before, during and after your season-ending loss.  Nobody cares.  This is my first and only response to you bunch of whiners.  ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess I retract my previous statement regarding that being my only response.  USC over OSU was the best game of the season?!  At least you are right about one thing Shaun-it was one of the most meaningless.

Obviously this guy has forgotten what it means to watch football: actually Watching the game. Apparently, a season isn’t good unless there are fights in the game, someone getting hurt, or a spectacular quarterback winning the championship.

How about next time you appreciate the game for what it is? That being a TEAM sport that can provide plenty of drama without somebody having to punch someone else in the face.

Well we have Paul Finebaum and you guys have this moron. Nice. Good to see Paul has good company here. You did however help your cause, this is the only reason I signed up for this website. Look at Cook’s analysis. His highlights were basically all disasters. A big fan of "Last Days on Earth" films. I think you would better appreciated keeping with the old Jerry Springer show. I mean being a "hater" doesn’t get any better than this guy. Suh a Heisman Trophy winner? C’mon, one game does not make a Heisman winner…ask that RB from Stanford…USC…gimme a break. As a RB in the SEC you will earn your stripes. Ohhh…but we are back to the SEC again and its obvious thats not good enough for you. But thanks for the props on the SEC championship game. A sucker punch, fall of team and a QB getting hurt are your highlights, what a toad. Good luck with that Karma loser.Oh yeah…Roll Tide Roll…enjoy!

Or, it could be the Year Offenses Hung Their QB Out to Dry.  Griffin, Tebow, Bradford, McCoy — those may have been 4 of the top 5 spread QB names heading into 2009.  Two didn’t finish, and two were hurt badly an inopportune times for their teams, although Florida survived Tebow’s absence.

You wonder how the spread will continue to evolve with the idea of preserving the starting QB intact.

Hey Heel, Florida did not play a game without Tebow.  Not that you had a good point anyway…

He’s right…that was an UGLY BCS NC Game.  I know…Alabama won and they are the National Champions…but they didn’t play like a number 1 team. 58 total yards passing? 2 for 12 on 3rd down conversions?

Texas at least had an excuse with Colt McCoy getting hurt and they played with a lot of heart when they came back in the fourth quarter to make it a semblance of a game.

Cincinnati was exposed as a pretender.  At the end of the season, Boise State played the best football…and they went 14-0.  Boise State and Utah were two of the best college footbal stories this year.

Congrats to Alabama…but this this was a very unsatisfying BCS NC Game…and this was a pretty poor year overall for college football.

Hey RollTide — I don’t think he finished the Kentucky game.

My point was not that McCoy’s injury cheapened Alabama’s victory.  My point is that, to an extent, every offense is a deal with the devil.  Spreads like Texas ring up big-time points when they click.  QBs like McCoy get hammered when they don’t.

Griffin, Tebow, McCoy, Bradford and Masoli were the top 5 "spread’ Qbs heading into the season.  All of them went down for a perod of time.  Coincidence?

hey bratKD have you bothered to look at Boise’s schedule?  I saw an interesting stat about Petersen on espn after that game.  He is 4-2 against ranked opponents.  That’s all-time by the way.  Just beat 2 ranked opponents this year…So it’s actually your argument that’s poor-not the cfb season, moron.  If you check UA’s schedule they beat 3 teams that finished in the top 10 this year including #1 and #2!!!

sorry if i hurt your feelings, heel, but your are right (and so am I).  I have to ask you, though…why is it that you think every offense is a deal with the devil?  We are talking about bigtime football, right?  Players get hurt sometimes and none of the instances you reference were cheap shots.  Is every defense a deal with the devil too?  Is every football game?…….I don’t get it

Deal with the Devil = pluses and minuses = pros and cons.

Last off-season, the spread was going to take over the game.  It’s all we heard about — points were up, yards were up, records were being broken left and right.

This year, defenses adjusted, found some holes and the QBs kept going down.  I wonder if programs will look at the injuries this year as an anomaly, or if they will decide the injury risk requires some substantive schematic adjustments.

Look at it this way — to me, the best subplot of the Texas-Bama game going in was an offense that revolved entirely around a QB versus an offense that at times didn’t even seem to need one.  Two very different schemes going against two really good Ds.  Which was better?  To me, the answer came when McCoy headed to the locker room.  I didn’t see that as a freak injury.  I saw it as part of a clear trend over the course of the season.

For the record, I think Bama would have won anyway.

i certainly agree with your last statement, heel

So right.  This had to be the most aweful season I can remember.  So many teams have figured out that to play in the BCS title game the golden ticket is to go undefeated.  This means team are no longer taking risks and playing notable competition.  The result is a very boring and predictable season.  If there were playoffs this wouldn’t matter, but there are no playoffs. 

The golden age of college football is over.  It was fun.  Now comes the deluge of politics and money that will turn the average fan away from the game. 

1. Defensive players never win the Heisman anymore

2. They should not have a top 25 until the 5th week of the season, and then it should be based on RPI stats only—- no more Coaches Poll, etc.

3. There should be mandatory inter-conference games on a cycle

4. There should be provisions for playoff games, provided there are more than one undefeated team at the eend of the year.

All this would clean up 90% of the bull that college football has become.

The NCAAF is as crooked as a Don King promotion. 

26 ratings and all the way up to 1.9
wow!
Keep trying and you might have the first one rating ever. Only because they don’t offer a zero rating

It was not just Mack Brown with the bad coaching, but Saban and his staff were awful early  on also.  Bama came out throwing, and then got stupid and went for the fake punt.  Once Bama settled in and went back to their offensive strength, the game was over; especially with Colt out.  This was a terrible NCG, and McCoy’s injury was a large part of that.  Texas must be given props though, because they did not quit after the McCoy injury.  Both teams played hard, they just did not play their best football.

For the record guys, he didn’t say that was a list of highlights. He said it was the most notable things that happened.

Frankly, unless you were a fan of UT, UA, or UF, those are the things you’ll remember from this year.

Alabama does have a great team and they deserve all the respect in the world, but the point of the article was that this season wasn’t that exciting or interesting compared to those in the past. The championship game was a microcosm of that.

Wow, what a bunch of garbage. Just another hack TSN troll.You wouldn’t find this spam on any other sports site. TSN used to have great sportswriters, but that was obviously a long time ago."I love me some Dr.Z." That’s awesome writing right there.

What you are seeing is the creation of another Division in college football. Now we have the mid-majors (BSU) and the major conferences (Texas), but of the major conferences we’re seeing only one or two programs really compete for the title. These are programs with boosters who travel (ie spends lots of $$$) and a history of winning previous championships. Does anyone really believe Iowa and Cincy had a shot at the BCS title even if they were undefeated? Or Oregon State? Or OK State? I think, if the BCS farce continues, what you’ll see is a "Championship" division of 10-12 teams  that two of the undefeated teams from this group play for the title every year. And if those programs have bad coaching or low talent we’ll see more boring games like last night.

And forty-nine-and-a-half states say good riddance to 2009?. 

Maybe 49 and 2/5. 
 

Can’t agree with you more.

This was a year of regression to mean.  Remember in August when Florida was being hyped as possibly the best college team ever.  They didn’t even win their conference.  They were bored while playing, until after their loss.

Now me, I love watching special teams, in particular punting.  So I was in heaven during the third quarter of the BCS NC.  It was a punt fest.

The Heisman winner (most overrated player award) wasn’t even being mentioned in the discussion at the beginning of the season.  And it was only because of the fact he played on Alabama that he won over Gerhart and Suh.

Dead on.   Interesting stories (for the rest of America) usually involve high-profile RBs or QBs.  Guys with crazy stats or leadership.  No such guys played in the NCG. Otherwise, people want to see a gritty all out team effort by a school that fans through out the contry can relate to…. But, Bama did not fill that roll.  People just don’t like Saban.  Shame too, because the "comeback" of a once-proud program should have created a bandwagon of fans from other down programs (Michigan, ND, Nebraska, etc…) but those fans know better than to root for a guy who signs 50 kids each recruiting year and then cuts them if they don’t perform.

Worst season ever?

Cincy’s, TCU, and Boise State’s unbelievable runs. 

Cincy’s big come back against Pitt…..

USC getting pounded by Stanford……

The emotional play of UCONN after the tragedy of Jasper Howard

The rise of the Ducks in the pac-10 (congrats to masoli and crew)

Bobby Bowdens last game……

Texas and Alabama both surviving nail bitters to make it to the BCS NCG…..

The emergence of Ndamukong Suh…..

Navy Beating Notre Dame again……..

I mean these are just a few that happen in the latter half of the college football season and you think it was a bad year?  Or is it you despise the SEC and since they one another BCS title you look for a reason to claim it was a horrible season.

Do i wish for a playoff? Absolutely.

I do however wonder what will happen if a playoff is instituted and two teams from the same conference meet in a national title game will fans then be complaining how that system is flawed as well.

Congrats to Bama’ and Texas I for one enjoyed the show and I am thankful I was able to see the birth of a superstar in the young Texas QB Gilbert He will be a fore to be reckoned with in the Big 12

I don’t know if it was the worst season ever (I’ve been watching college football since 1960), but it was one of the worst endings ever.  That’s nothing against Bama…you played and won, congrats.  But watching that game was like sitting in a dentist chair for 3 1/2 hours. 

Mr. Brian Cook. You are a horrible sports "writer"! Very bitter and obviously dealing with bigger issues personally. I hope you find some happiness in your life soon, so that maybe you can find some positive "MORE CREATIVE" writing…if Sporting News lets you write again.

Good luck.

I can’t believe the idiocy of those who say McElroy played a mediocre game. Yes, his passing was off because HE HAS TWO CRACKED RIBS!.  He was hurt in the third quarter of the Florida game. Give him credit for playing while injured. And for those who love to talk about UT’s great defense:  Ingram and Richardson both had over 100 yards rushing and 2 touchdowns apiece. Hate to see what would have happened if Texas didn’t have such a vaulted defense!!

Happy for Bama, but the biggest legacy of the season is the YEAR PLAYERS GOT COACHES FIRED.

THIS SEASON IN SCHADENFREUDE, starring Brian Cook.

We revel in your pain and disappointment, Mr. Cook. WE REVEL IN IT.

"I can’t believe the idiocy of those who say McElroy played a mediocre game. Yes, his passing was off because HE HAS TWO CRACKED RIBS!"This article was published at 12:35 a.m. This ESPN report (http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/bowls09/news/story?id=4807296) is dated 3:14 a.m. Unless you are expecting Brian Cook to be psychic, there is no way he could have known this before publishing.

Stell817, their "excellent head coach," Nick Saban, is an idiot. Because Colt McCoy got hurt, he got bailed out after making himself the front-runner for the "Stupidest Coaching Decision of the Year Award," by calling a fake punt on the opening drive of the national championship game, on his own 20, on 4th and 23! How lucky can you get. Bill Belichick and Les Miles were ecstatic. Somebody did something hundreds of times dumber than both of them put together, then it was yanked right our from under them when McCoy got hurt. A game that was about to be 14-zip Texas, turned that mediocre coach into a 2-time national champion.

Oh well. I guess I shouldn’t argue with success, but I have to say, Kiffin was full of it when he said Bama’s better coached than Florida after all.

Wasn’t the fake punt an "automatic" — something the punter is instructed to do if the right situation presents itself?  Looked to me like Texas left the gunner uncovered, then rotated someone back the moment the ballw as snapped.  M<y impression was excellent coaching on Texas’ part, baiting the punter into the "automatic" — all up to the point the kid intercepted the ball.  It’s 4th down.  Knock it down, go back to the line of scrimmage.

Am I wrong on this?

Vol85, why do people bother with spell check(there)I said it? Anyhow that fake punt cost Bama 3 points and for that Saban’s an idiot c’mon. As heel9091 stated the opportunity presented itself and Saban called the play. I honestly think Mack Brown’s decision not to take a knee before the half was the "Stupidest Coaching Decision of te Year Award"! That dumb decision cost Texas 7 points and I disagree with you Nick Saban is an excellent Head Coach, it’s a matter of opinion, have a nice day.

Cook—I tried to find substantive responses to your nonsense; but that’s a bit like finding manure palatable in a field full of longhorns. Therefore, I must comment on the messenger, and allow the message to spin in the wind like skivvies flying where National Championship banners are missing in your beloved conference of the Bellevue 12.

Beyond the fact that you’re an intellectually vacuous twit with delusions of adequacy; beyond your third grade grammar, syntax, composition, sentence structure and reasoning skills befitting an idiot savant counting toothpicks in a local diner whining about his K-Mart underwear—you’re merely a wet-stain from the 80’s in the back seat of your father’s American Motors Pacer.

Your Weekly Reader column, your 4th grade intellect, and your blathering in your 6th grade world of delusional pathological ranting is better served after consuming Thorazine Popsicle’s and Jim Jones Kool-Aid, and is better suited for the Huffington Post idiocy and The Guardian editorials for the criminally insane.

Other than these fine attributes, you’re extremely ordinary in a world full of sub-ordinary hillbilly heroin abusers with meth-labs in their kitchens and subscriptions to first edition Larry Flynt Literature with your scratch-n-sniff double-digit IQ and below par SAT.

Other than blatant ad hominem and a very small investment in the time required to rip you a new favorite body orifice, there’s little else to state here other than your ineptness in so many areas of pseudo-journalism, football histrionics, and your inability to write a column without bastardizing every form of communication hyperbole in the history of mankind—except one.

That would be mathematics; and considering it was not required in your nonsensical post, with that aspect, you get a passing grade until you begin counting after removing your shoes, your gloves and your trousers, and still being unable to count beyond 20 and 1/2. That is with the assumption that you have 20 digits, and hopefully two opposable thumbs. Now drag your knuckles back to your French Cro-Magnon cave of lunacy and let the big boys write columns.

Considering I have more important things to do besides pointing out your numerous flaws and inability to conjugate verbs without eating hashish brownies until your arse is as large as your ego, and you’re drooling like a 109 year-old pervert after dining at Hooters for Centenarians—not to mention your exceptionally over-sized mouth—consider yourself belittled, scorned, and incorrect as expected. I’ll look forward to your future columns in High Times and The Advocate Magazine. Until then, you can kiss my Alabama arse.

If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Too many cooks may spoil the broth, but one COOK is sufficient to spoil TSN. Now wipe your nose on the sleave of your cardigan sweater, and whatever you dig out of that exceptionally bovine nose—wipe it on your argyle socks…and for the love of Pete—buy some ****ed pants that cannot be mistaken for Joe Pa polyester pants from the 60’s.

Have a nice day!

I am not an SEC fan but I do like to do my research and I know football.   This writer is not only lacking in objectivity, football knowlege but general intelligence.

I am not an SEC fan but I do like to do my research and I know football.   This writer is not only lacking in objectivity, football knowlege but general intelligence.  I respect the Sporting News but why would you allow a poor writer like this to post.

Talk about a sore loser? Its pathetic to see grown men pout. This writer is a perfect example of crying like a little BEEEOTCH. The TIDE was bigger, better and won. Get over it. Deal with it. The fact is that few if any were rooting for BAMA. The media seemed to anoint the Longhorns. However, its much tougher to play in the SEC. Alabama hasn’t run up the score and have played a clean game all season. Every week a different part of the team has stepped up. Good sportmanship and the perfect season has made this dream come true for the Tuscaloosa faithful. These kids need the adults to act grown up, both in Texas and nationwide. Congratulate this team on their accomplishment and come to grips with their being perhaps one of the greatest college football teams of all time.
ROLL TIDE

I think the Tide is a deserving champion, but I do agree this was the worst season in a long time. And it led to a nationwide apathy, evident in the mere 40-plus comments on the main national championship story — last year’s probably broke 200.

But this isn’t about the champion, it’s about the season. The three Heisman runners had lackluster seasons, as a whole — Bradford was hurt in a quarter-and-a-half, but, yes, Tebow and McCoy were off too. There was little drama at the top, and those who may have broken into the championship game — TCU, Boise, Cincy — didn’t have a chance based on pre-season rankings way below Texas’ and Bama’s.

There was a memorable game or two — Bama/Florida being the best, and the one EVERYONE circled last summer. But games like OU/Texas or Bama/Texas had ‘hurt QB’ circled by most at the end. This happens in football sometimes — and Bama should make no apology of it.

Congrats to the Tide. Raise that crystal ball high. (Even if it is at Wal Mart.)

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This season had as much drama as a WWE "match", but the bowls have produced a new top-25

So hows Michigan doing?

"Champions"? Hah, there’s no such thing.  There never has been, never will be a national championship in college football, so anyone can just spout out numbers and say they "won it".  So whatever. Alabama won their bowl game, good for them.  So did Ohio State, and Boise State, and Penn State, and Pitt, and Florida, and so-on.  Give us an eight to tewelve team playoff or nothing.  I like watching Pitt and Cornell sports, and it helps the school when I watch, so I’m fine with it.  I’ll watch college basketball, baseball, wrestling, and hockey, because it’s real compitition.  Football’s a joke, however, and outside of my two teams I could care less.
That being said, exciting football was found in Pittsburgh this year, so no way I’ll agree with the "worst. season. ever." comment.

Why are Alabama fans so hurt by the truth, that no one outside Alabama really cared about the National Championship this year?  It was just a boring CFB year.  Deal with it.  Your team still won though.

@ArseCynic Looks like somebody’s been reading their thesaurus.

@ArseCynic Looks like somebody’s been reading their thesaurus.

I must say, ArseCynic, I’m rather impressed at your ability to skewer yourself so thoroughly in your own post.  Your talent for projection is most remarkable.  While you may find yourself too poorly endowed to approach Mr. Cook’s column with anything approaching a sensible argument, I myself find your own post easy enough to pick apart as the ignorant rambling that it is, leading me to wonder how you manage to uphold your self-important facade of a personality in the face of such an obvious personal inadequacy.

While it would appear that you do indeed know how to use a thesaurus, and that you also have a wide array of rather colorful metaphors at your disposal, your talents in the areas of reading comprehension and basic research are incredibly lacking.  Unlike you, however, I am willing to provide actual analysis rather than a long string of unqualified ad hominem attacks.

First of all, your opening premise is at once both logically inept and laughably ignorant.

"I tried to find substantive responses to your
nonsense; but that’s a bit like finding manure palatable in a field
full of longhorns.  Therefore, I must comment on the messenger, and allow the message to
spin in the wind like skivvies flying where National Championship
banners are missing in your beloved conference of the Bellevue 12."

Ignoring the fact that your analogy makes somewhere between very little and absolutely zero sense, I would direct your attention to the far simpler fact that Brian Cook is not a Big 12 fan, as you would know if you had actually, you know, read the column you were so intent on blasting (excerpt below):

"Hey, man, don’t blame the Michigan affiliation here."

Seeing as Michigan is definitely a Big Ten team, your reasoning here seems rather vacuous.  Indeed, your reasoning skills are provably, oh how did you put it, "befitting an idiot savant counting toothpicks in a local diner whining about his K-Mart underwear".

At least that idiot savant doesn’t have himself convinced that everyone else is dumber than he is. 

I’ll post this without a dictionary next to me like the previouse poster. LOL

After a season of watching gimmick spread offenses and semi-arena football scores, it was nice to see a team win the NC with the 2 traditional staples of winning football — defense and a running game.

Skornne : Let me begin with your first sentence:

"…I’m rather impressed at your ability…"

You can ‘throw a temper-tantrum while AT your Commodore 64 Computer’; you can throw UP after using your meth-lab utensils; you can even ‘throw a football until your freshly-polished fingernails bleed’—but you cannot be ‘impressed AT…’ anything. That would be ‘…impressed with…’ you dolt.

If you are going to be grammatically condescending with your Google Intellect and Microsoft Word musings, maybe you should draw your halberd, secure your lance to your burro, and begin tilting at windmills like Don Quixote after an insidious incestuous tryst with Ayn Rand and her herd of goats; and end your rather impotent attempt at profundity without the requisite active neurons or prescription of Ritalin and six-pack of Zima. (I do so love run-on sentences!)

Now let us mention another rather nonsensical grammatical error.

"Seeing as Michigan is definitely a Big Ten team…" How quaint! If you ever make it beyond first year Sports Medicine at the University of Schizophrenia, you are going to have to learn to write such sentences appropriately. You can use, "Considering, contemplating, regarding, weighing, appraising, gauging, examining, reviewing, mulling over, pondering, etc." But seeing? Tsk tsk…now that was a hoot!

Forrest Gump-isms may be cute while you are passing-gas and giggling in a bubble bath with your little brother, but this is a forum for adults who actually own a sheepskin that doesn’t come with a ‘1% failure warning label’ in a dozen pack bought by your father back when he was boinking overweight coeds while boasting about his Chevy Chevette and indoor plumbing. (Yep-run-on sentences!)

How about your paragraph with one sentence beginning with "First of all, blah blah blah…" You never begin a sentence with ‘first of all’ unless there’s a ‘second of all, or secondly’, not to mention a one-sentence paragraph. (This is so easy!)

It likewise appears that you were confused with the so-called analogy. Let me help you with that before the artery in your neck begins protruding like a mule’s boner with absolutely nowhere to deal with it except a Veterinary Emergency Room or your Aunt Brunhilda’s Two-Dollar brothel. (Mules are sterile. That’s called ‘sarcasm’.)

I will ask you a simple question. Do you find manure palatable when you have a pasture full of longhorn steers? If not, the analogy was correct. If so, then my analogy was a false one; yet you have an eating disorder far beyond the Abnormal Psychology forum you usually peruse for reading material and dietary supplements.

Personally, I prefer steak. If you are still confused, call the nurse, take your medications, loosen your restraints, and for the love of Pete-empty your bedpan. It’s almost as ripe as your inherently idiotic ranting.

I find it rather odd that a person like yourself who finds my admittedly ad hominem response confusing, while you bastardize grammar, syntax, reasoning skills, and brown-nosing tactics; all the while you protest a use of a Thesaurus?

I have bad news for you, little man. There is not a single word in my post that requires an educated person to proclaim the use or abuse of a Thesaurus in its composition or comprehension, much less a dictionary to ‘discern its inherent implication’. Methinks you protest too much.

"I tried to find substantive responses to your nonsense…"

Those were my words. Tell me, what confused you about that preface precisely? Can you find ‘substantive responses to nonsense?’ You cannot even find substantive responses to Dr. Seuss, and that has been in your backpack since you were sleeping in Dukes of Hazzard pajamas and wearing a retainer for your Count Dracula overbite.

Now I will help you out with one final point with regard to Mr. Beano Cook, Jr. and his puerile journalistic ineptitude.

"Brutal Championship a Fitting End to Worst. Season. Ever.

"So. That just happened."

"However. But. Other interjections."

MAYBE. THAT. WILL. HELP, YOU. INSOLENT. MORONIC. TWIT.

I did not insult any conference, team, coach, player, or reader, despite your Big 12 paranoia over a Bellevue 12 quip. The Big 12 is the only conference around that can compete with the SEC. I insulted a pseudo-journalist with the writing skills of a 1787 novice blacksmith with the foul smell of the south end of a northbound mule.

I have seen your show before. You will change screen names, return, respond in your rather putrid prepubescent manner, and insult the intentional caustic wit with your lack of anything discernible dialogue. You are not smart. You are not witty. You are not anything beyond your own self-deluded intellectual persona best described as Oprah rhetoric, Dr. Phil hyperbole, and Mr. Rogers acting skills in an incessantly whiney docudrama about your shoelaces and worn out white high-top Reeboks from your Back To the Future infatuation and mullet haircut days. (Yep—run-on!)

This might help you in the future. Return here and tell me the definitions with examples of euphemisms, metaphors, similes, and then analogies. I will grade your responses with the utmost care, with the sincerest of sarcasm, and the vitriolic venom you deserve. It’s apparent that you do not know a metaphor from a simile, and that was rather apparent.

You need to reset your Microsoft Word grammar check; and be reminded—it will not catch your blatant grammatical abuse. These things are ‘learned’, not ‘computer corrected’. Print this out, research it, fold it five ways and shove it into your least favorite body orifice.

I will expect a more timely response in MLA Format with citations and Mr. Cook’s brown-nosing validation. Then you can safely remove your parked nose from his arse-lot without the proctologist intern, the usual four-dollar fee, or towing charges. Sutures and lollipops will be extra.

By the way; do they teach counting in the Big 11?

Next time you want a forum-urinating-contest, remove your prostate, and bring plenty to drink and a full bottle of diuretics. And pack a ****ed lunch.

And if you are going to ‘be the proverbial pot calling the president black’, maybe you should read (D-NV) Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid’s book. I realize that will go completely over your head, considering your past indiscretions and reading limitations; but for those who are actually educated with a reading level beyond the level of Nancy Pelosi, it should be relatively easy to understand.

If you need help, ask Cook. Maybe he watches something besides Big 11 Ping Pong Tournaments. He evidently dislikes football teams that can win both regular season and bowl games in consecutive seasons.

You may now return to your regular programming, or in your case: reading Green Eggs and Ham and playing pocket-pool with adolescents by placing Gummy Bears in your pocket and enticing them into retrieving ‘fuzzy-soft-things’.

Have a nice day!

firehawk44 | Monday, January 11, 2010, 7:00 pm

Indeed it was good. If people want to beat the SEC, they need better teams. It’s rather simple.

Roll Tide, my friend!

We get it, ArseCynic — you know words. Cool. No one’s impressed by your 1,100-word diatribes in the comments section of a blog, nor is anyone impressed by your parsing of sentences and apparent ability to use a thesaurus. And being condescending doesn’t make you funny or interesting — it just makes you look like a jerk. You probably have some interesting things to say, but you’re so obnoxious and such a blow-hard that no one will ever take your comments seriously.

nonamejones

Good for you; you just boasted about being a blathering idiot. Do you get paid for this by the hour, or by the word? My guess would be ‘by the hour’. You would be collecting cans for your Ramen’s Noodle diet, otherwise.

Byte me, if you can find your dentures via kerosene lantern light.

Next?

There are a great many people on the Internet who are worthy of contempt.  This is a fact which is immediately made clear to any poor soul who so much as glimpses at a passing YouTube comment section.  Having spent the past few years of my life plumbing the depths of these cesspools, I had come to the false conclusion that no longer would such things come to surprise me.  No longer, I had thought, would I ever look at a forum post or website comment and find the author particularly deserving of my disdain.

As it turns out, this was a premature conclusion, for I had not come into contact with you quite yet, ArseCynic.  My hat is off to you, sir.  Never in all my travels have I come across a more contemptible entity, imagined or otherwise.  I do believe I owe you a cookie.

How you managed to convince yourself that minor grammatical errors are worthy of such excessive hyperbole is absolutely beyond me.  I am but a mere mortal soul, who on occasion (God forbid), makes a grammatical mistake.  You will have to forgive me for thinking that the English language was meant to convey ideas, not merely to look pretty when typed.  It really is a shame you don’t have any actual ideas to type down, because if you did they would probably be stated quite eloquently. 

So go ahead, waste your own worthless time picking this post apart for minor errors in syntax without actually bothering to address anything.  Feel free to tack on as many utterly overblown insults as you care to come up with.  I don’t mind. 

I have better things to do with my time than argue over what particular misplaced comma shoved a rod up your ass the other day.  In fact I’m going to start out by re-reading a few quotes from your own ramblings and basking in their sheer ironic hilarity.

"Personally, I prefer steak. If you are still confused, call the nurse,
take your medications, loosen your restraints, and for the love of
Pete-empty your bedpan. It’s almost as ripe as your inherently idiotic
ranting.
"

"Next time you want a forum-urinating-contest, remove your prostate, and
bring plenty to drink and a full bottle of diuretics. And pack a ****ed
lunch."

Oh, and of course my favorite:
"You are not smart. You are not witty. You are not anything beyond your own self-deluded intellectual persona."

who are the retards that write short stories, let me explain retards, THIS IS THE SPORTING NEWS——SPORTS, SPORTS, FOOTBALL.  If i had to guess, your single, and if married you beat your wife and kids, or locked up in the mental ward.  someone ought to red flag these guys, could be the next tim mcvey, or unibomber.  call homeland security, im nervous

Skornne If you are going to be intellectually and grammatically condescending, as your first post attempted, then do not be surprised when you are groveling for allies on the information highway of blatant idiocy, while someone offers you your left testicle on a silver platter. If ignorance is in fact bliss, you must be ****ed near orgasmic.

If you are going to spend the next three days whining ad nauseam because you do not have the capability you so badly desire—to insult me without wetting your Wrangler jeans—then by all means, do so until the proverbial cows come home.

"You came; you saw; you capitulated."

I am rather pleased with your Psych 101 assessment, not to mention your Tonka Truck intellect and your Slinky brain-stem reflexes. Now tuck tail like a French soldier, say "I surrender in 43 languages and 15 dialects," but more importantly—to borrow a quotation from Doc Holliday: "Kiss my rebel dick."

People in Oklahoma are bored because they had a bad season, and Michigan had a bad half century. I suspect that you are not far removed from the latter. Now brush your dentures and take a nap. You are almost as boring as an old episode of Matlock; yet you are only half as bright.

uk7 

You are worth but one sentence, and I wish you a good weekend before your Kindergarten class takes a field trip to Wonderland.

"Your post reads a bit like a Rosie O’Donnell poem without the access to proper mental health."

Regards, you dolt.