Joe Paterno No Longer Needs Glasses; This Is Not A LOST Subplot

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Um...hold me. I don't know what's right anymore. First Cap'n Phil from The Deadliest Catch dies--after a healthy lifestyle of sleep deprivation and 400 cigarettes a day, no less!--and then Charlies Wilson, charismatic skirt-chasing Congressman from Texas, punches out yesterday at 76. Finally, Joe Paterno announces that he's had eye surgery to correct some reading difficulties and no longer needs his signature glasses. I'm logging off the internet and heading to my compound in the hills of Western North Carolina before someone tells me something really shocking, like that Jack Donaghy is in the hospit--NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

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Paterno will still wear a pair of thinned-out frames, since he insists he doesn't feel normal without them. As someone who had glasses before they were out of Underoos: props for keepin' it real with the Specs Clique, JoePa.

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/offers intricate and endless handshake  

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