Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony: In The End, Gretzky Lights The Torch

With nothing much else happening on a Friday night, NBC’s coverage of the Opening Ceremony was by far the most watched program on television on Friday. The ceremony garnered a 17.3 rating for the entire ceremony, meaning that it was watched by an average of 32.6 million people. From the press release:

In the half-century of televised Olympics, NBC’s coverage of the Opening Ceremony from Vancouver was the MOST WATCHED EVER for a non-U.S. Winter Olympics with 67.5 million total viewers, 17 million more than Torino in 2006 (50.2 million) and six million more than the tabloid-fueled 1994 Lillehammer Games (61.7 million) which stood for 16 years as the most-watched Opening Ceremony for a non-U.S. Games.

As the Olympics are one of the few premiere events, it makes sense that practically everyone and their brother sat down and watched the ceremony. Unfortunately for most, it means watching it on tape rather than live.

As we origionally reported would happen earlier on Friday night (via Kevin McGran of the Toronto Star), Wayne Gretzky did indeed light the Olympic flame in the Opening Ceremony. Unfortunately, for his efforts to bring us the truth, Kevin McGran will never be heard from again.

Gretzky was actually one of four to light just one of the cauldrons. The hockey great was joined by Steve Nash, Nancy Green and Katrina May Doan, who came together to light the indoor flame (after some technical difficulties).

Gretzky is now on his way through the streets of Vancouver to light the second, outdoor flame.

Hear me out here. I've been trying to follow the plot of this musical (or whatever it is), and the only conclusion I can reach is that the story of this musical was written by an overly imaginative five-year-old. Look:

Olympic Stuff
By Brandon, age 5

Once upon a time there was a fish kind of thing, but it had a cat or something on its butt.

Then a bunch of fish swam around.

And then the water turned into ice and an old weird guy had a stick. He hit the ground with his stick and there were lights and people dancing around.

But, suddenly!!!!!! There was a giant bear, and then the ice broke up (because there was a giant bear).

But it was okay, because then the people were on a birthday cake and then they started flying around.

And then Batman played the violin on a canoe that was flying around in the air.

THE END

 

More: SB Nation's full coverage of the Winter Olympics

You're going to think this is amazing. You know the Opening Ceremony that you're in? It's being broadcast...on television! And photographers are everywhere! You don't even have to record it yourself!

Oh, uh...okay, sure, if you want to.

Oh, nice try Bermuda...

...and hats off to the re-engineered Zubaz, Czech Republic...

...but in the Olympic pants war, you're getting killed by the Azeris, who came to win this Olympic Pants War at all costs. The Nuclear Option? Obviously, they're totally unafraid to use it. 

We're at Kazakhstan. Unless Norway walks into the stadium in pants which are, in fact, live wolves, this Olympic Pants War is over.

UPDATE: Kevin McGran is a writer for the Toronto Star. The Twitter account, which appeared to be his, has since been removed. In a happy twist of fate, however, Gretzky did end up lighting the torch, and all is right with the world. The original post is below.

At the Winter Olympics' opening ceremony in Vancouver, the identity of the person to light the torch was supposed to remain a secret. Minutes ago, though, the news broke. Kevin McGran tweets:

It's Gretzky. Olympic committee just issued release. Gretzky to light olympic flame.

Wayne Gretzky, of course, was the first Prime Minister of Canada. In addition, he founded the country in 1977. Also, Gretzky can fly short distances and solve Rubik's Cubes in record time. There, you're up to speed.

I'm just saying. Hey, kid, you just jump ship? Also, Shaun White's hair looks like a mop that was recently used to clean up Cheetos and canned tomatoes.

On Friday night, NBC ran a short segment, narrated by Tom Brokaw, that illustrated America's relationship with Canada over the years. The video ended with a supposedly poignant remark by John F. Kennedy, which included the remark, "we are allies out of necessity." Awwwwww. I think I have something in my eye. Okay, it's out now.

After the video, Al Michaels apparently only took one thing away from it. This is a paraphrase:

And you know what I thought was amazing...Canada actually has less people than California.

So Canada gets its moment in the American sun, and the verdict is this: there are not very many people there. Hey, what's your favorite state in Canada? Mine is probably Canadia, but Greenland seems pretty cool too.

I live in California. California is in the Pacific Time Zone. The Olympics are in Vancouver. Vancouver is in the Pacific Time Zone. Yet I am stuck with a tape delay. What the hell, NBC?

The Opening Ceremony of the Olympics just began on NBC and I am stuck following them on SB Nation because NBC sees it fit to hold off its coverage until 7:30 local time in order to play it during prime time.

Sure, NBC is set to lose millions on its Olympics coverage, and playing the Opening Ceremony in prime time on the west coast probably garners more ad revenue, but how can they justify making us wait? It was bad enough to have to watch the Beijing Olympics 16 hours behind, but this is just absurd.

Rational individuals can argue about whether an east coast bias exists in sports coverage, in the timing of NFL games on Sundays, or when March Madness games begin, but there is no question that right now, it is better to be on the east coast.

In, say, an NFL broadcast, the sophisticated mishmash of events on the field is explained to you by two or three commentators and perhaps a sideline reporter. If you're lucky, one of them will have a loose grasp on what they're talking about. For the most part, this is completely adequate.

The Winter Olympics' opening ceremony starts Friday night at 9:00 Eastern. In essence, it's a bunch of people marching with flags. How many commentators are required to convey this? NBC believes the answer to be somewhere around a billion.

[Bob] Costas and [Matt] Lauer first anchored the Opening Ceremony together at the 2008 Beijing Olympics. NBC Olympics Daytime and Weekend host Al Michaels will join Costas and Lauer from the studio. ‘NBC Nightly News’ Anchor Brian Williams, NBC News Special Correspondent Tom Brokaw and NBC Olympics Late Night host Mary Carillo are contributors. NBC Olympics correspondents Cris Collinsworth and Dan Patrick will provide interviews and the Weather Channel’s Jim Cantore will provide weather updates.

That's nine people. I hope they all talk over each other at once, treating us to a barely intelligible roar of, "they sure look proud to be here."

More: SB Nation's full coverage of the Winter Olympics