I will lose my audience in the first ten seconds by complaining in monotone about doing the things adults do in life. I will have the guy from Dexter narrate my advertisement, thus infecting the entire ad with creepy serial killer cooties. I will moan about performing basic personal hygiene because you know brushing your teeth is like sooooo hard. I will appeal to the most misogynistic and yet spineless of men by blaming women for the hellish misery of my employed, pampered existence.
I will make a really, really creepy commercial. Then, I will ask you to buy a car.