Russia Infuriated With Olympic Effort. You Might Want To Run.

Russia came into the Olympics with what might be termed "inflated" expectations about their anticipated medal count. Sure, they got three gold and 15 medals overall, but this lags well behind the United States' total of 37, and even further behind their insane goal of 45 medals for the 2010 Games. (For the record: more than any country has ever won in any single Winter Olympics ever.) 

Naturally, the Russian athletic community is taking this all in stride and using the failures at the games as a teaching moment and learning opportunity HAHA WE KID. They want blood. 

"Let’s put up a bunch of guillotines and gallows," Vyacheslav Bykov, the team’s coach was quoted as saying last week. "We have 35 people on the hockey team. Let’s go to Red Square and dispatch with them all."

Bond villain/ Prime Minster Vladimir Putin has remained silent, though President Dmitry Medvedev did call for the resignation of those responsible, and suggested that if they lacked the resolve to resign,"we will help them." If the United States would like to poach some very good Olympic talent and place them in a witness protection program ASAP, now would be the time to start offering asylum left and right, because "help" from Russian oligarchs usually comes in the form of radioactive tea or sudden pushes off the balcony of a posh apartment building. 

As for those who stay: it's Ivan Drago pain-training time for you.