'One Shining Moment' Is A Horrible Audio Slice Of Squid Vomit

My goodness, there’s much to like about the NCAA men’s basketball tournament: gambling, watching four games at once, suffering a heart attack while watching four games at once and losing the mortgage, Gus Johnson suffering a heart attack calling a buzzer-beater, and taking naps while Wisconsin plays games. Chocked full of fun, it is.

(Did we mention gambling, sweet gambling? We did? Gambling. It needs another mention.)

I know tradition is important here, too, but if anyone takes offense at Jennifer Hudson redoing the song CBS continues to ladle like so much thin, cheap gravy onto the tasty pile of mashed potatoes NCAA tourney goodness, you need to swallow your tongue. John Tesh describes its treacly piano chords as “cloying.” Your aunt really likes it, and wishes they would play it more. Neither of these are good, and are in fact very bad.

Can we do what all intelligent people do in times of crisis: blame Armen Keteyian for “One Shining Moment?”

In 1986, he passed the song along to high school friend Armen Keteyian, an investigative journalist for CBS Sports and also at the time Sports Illustrated, who in turn passed it to CBS Sports Creative Director Doug Towey.

It’s in Wikipedia, so it must be true. Damn you, Keteyian! (Shakes angry fist.) That’s one more media quasi-celebrity’s iPod we can’t steal during assignments. What would I put in its place, you ask? Oh, I think you know the answer there.