We at SBNation.com would like to acknowledge the talent behind the Iditarod by interviewing the dogs who make the race possible. Each has their own personality, and we salute their individual spirit and collective achievement in "Profiles in Tenacity: Get To Know An Iditarod Sled Dog."
Today's Profile of an Iditarod Sled Dog: Ted, The Frat Bro Sled Dog.
Name: Ted, the Frat Boy Sled Dog.
Position: Back left, cause he's still not up to alpha dog status, but at least he's not a pledge, man.
Nicknames: Ted-errino, Teddy, Ted-day, Shawn of the Ted, Secretary of Ted-ucation, The Ted Offensive, Judge Ted, the Grateful Ted, The Ted-u-cator, Ted-die Murphy, Ted-die Van Halen, The Ted-itorialist, Head Full of Tedlocks, T-dawg, T-rakes, T-Diddy, Theodore Hoe-sevelt, T The Movie, T The Theme Park Ride, T The Fragrance for men, T-rannosaurus Sex, T-Pain.
Likes: Running with my boys on some gnar-gnar powder. Some primo cuddle time in the snow with a fine bitch. PARTIES. Workin' out my chesticles before spring break. Jager. Yeah, Jager. Quoting Anchorman. (Favorite movie ever.) Studying <---LOL JUST KIDDING. Doing it all for Alpha Rho Phi, bro. Playing my acoustic guitar outside on a nice spring day. South Padre Island. Vineyard Vines Bathing Suits.
Dislikes: Haters. Dorks. Losing my croakies, because then my sunglasses might fall off. Girls who think they're all that. People who don't like Badfish or Widespread Panic. Beer snobs. Brosephs who take forever on the leg press. I mean come on, bro: the rest of the world needs to do calf raises, too. Moose, who really just need to chill for once. Cold streams, because it means I can't wear my flops on the trail. When not everyone is pre-gaming as hard as I am, cause you gotta pre-game before you game, you know?
Goals for the Iditarod: Drop some ell-bees, 'cause spring break's coming up and I've been hitting the 12 oz curls a little too hard lately. Maybe get some under-the-snow time with Sheila up in second row left, because she's one fine bitch. I mean no disrespect by that, because that is the proper term for her, but she is fine AMIRITE BRO?
/offers paw for paw-bump
I'm just kidding, man. I just wanna have a sweet time and maybe get in shape for lacrosse season.
Frat boy sled dog Ted is doing fine as his team approaches the halfway point, and is totally pumped about the breakfast burritos he heard they had at Takotna.