Updated throughout the day with quick takes from staff.
Down in Texas, the Southland Conference is currently wrapping up its conference tournament, with two teams fighting for the right to lose to a 2 or 3 seed. That's not in and of itself unusual; it's just that the teams playing, well, defy common logic.
The favorites are the regular season champions at Sam Houston State. Now, one would look at the school name and make an educated guess that they're located in, y'know, Houston. Nope. SHSU is in Huntsville, which is 70 miles outside of Houston. Their team name is the "Bearkats," which, what? The "bearcat" is already an imaginary animal, and the only school dumb enough to use it as their mascot is Cincinnati, where the academic admittance requirement is "get through high school without committing aggravated assault against your teacher." Sam Houston State, then, decided to up the ante and spell it the way gas stations and 4-year-olds spell words. That's a decision we might not have endorsed, if given the opportunity to do so.
The, uh, Bearkats' opponent is Stephen F. Austin University. Located in Austin, right? Not quite--Nacogdoches, which is well over 200 miles away. SFA's mascot? The Lumberjacks. There aren't even any trees in Texas!*
Having seen this, SBN is starting a college to compete in the Southland called Johnny P. Fortworth State. It's located in Galveston. JPFSU's teams will be called the Dawgwalruses, and the mascot will have eight legs and antlers that shoot confetti. We'll fit right in.
*Note: this statement may not be entirely accurate, as everything we ever learned about the state of Texas' topography came from those tornado chaser videos on YouTube.
6 comments
Comments
Trees
Wow. You are an idiot. I don’t even care if I’m not allowed to post here anymore and probably wont be back anyway, but wow. Have you ever been to Texas? Let alone east Texas where what is known geographically as the piney woods are? Why is it called the piney woods? Why is the game between SHSU and SFA called the battle of the piney woods? BECAUSE OF THE FREAKIN PINE TREES!! The only part of Texas that really has little to no trees is west Texas. Both schools are in east Texas. Here is a little geography lesson for you: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piney_Woods . That is something you should have learned in elementary school geography. Now the school names. SHSU is called that because Huntsville is where Sam Houston lived after retirement, died, and is buried. Now those SFA guys, not sure why the hell the school is there. Now go take my advice and do some research before you bash schools you dipshit.
by skakat on Mar 13, 2010 9:52 PM EST reply actions
dude, you’re an idiot. you’re better off completely ignoring the game rather than writing something as ridiculously terrible as that poor excuse for an article. what defies logic is that somewhere, someone actually clicks a button that publishes the garbage that you write. but then again, you write for sbnation.com. wait, what the hell is sbnation.com?
by Jason Russell on Mar 13, 2010 10:19 PM EST reply actions
Are you fucking kidding?
This is the most ignorant and offensive article I have ever read. You are a disgrace and and an idiot! Go fuck yourself.
by Chad Baker on Mar 13, 2010 10:31 PM EST reply actions
Personally, as a Texan
I’m not really feeling this. Too forced – Sam Houston and Stephen F. Austin are clearly people. And there are more trees in Houston than basically any other major city.
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by Tom Martin on Mar 13, 2010 10:50 PM EST reply actions
SLC touney
Get a grip folks, it’s satire, if you understand it and, yes, I live in Texas and follow an SLC team. Geesh.
by Diane DeMore on Mar 14, 2010 7:06 AM EDT reply actions
yeah, if it were comical it would be a satire. or if involved just a little bit of basketball, it would be a decent article worthy of getting on even this knockoff of a legit sports website. i dont care that he said texas doesn’t have trees. wow, big insult. but the article just sucked, plus he crapped on 2 universities and the people they were named after.
by Jason Russell on Mar 14, 2010 10:13 AM EDT reply actions
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