Turner Gill: Emphatically Not Mark Mangino

↵It's safe to say Kansas was looking for a change after it became ↵public knowledge that former head coach Mark Mangino spent most of his offseason thinking ↵up ever-more humiliating ways to address players who dropped balls in ↵practice. ↵

↵

↵They found that change in the personage of Turner Gill, a ↵universally-liked former athlete who resembles a Yosemite Sam ↵version of Violet ↵Beauregarde post-fantastic-gum in no way whatsoever. The only way in ↵which Gill could be further removed from Mangino is if he knew nothing ↵about football, which is probably a bad trait in a football coach. In ↵all other ways, he is not Mark Mangino. ↵

↵

↵And now Turner Gill would like to emphatically ↵emphasize this: ↵

↵
↵⇥

↵⇥"It probably doesn't have to be this way," Gill said in response to a ↵⇥question about how he selected his assistant coaches, "but I decided ↵⇥that I was not going to hire anybody who was going to be cursing and ↵⇥using that type of language. We are here to develop these people as ↵⇥young men, so we don't need to do that." ↵⇥

↵
↵

↵Gill is currently scouring local libraries for a linebackers ↵coach. ↵

↵

↵No, seriously, Turner Gill is not Mark Mangino. He is going to tell ↵you this every five seconds until you start to secretly loathe him: ↵

↵
↵⇥

↵⇥Gill told the crowd about a player he had at the University of ↵⇥Buffalo who confided that he did not often tell his mom that he loved ↵⇥her. So Gill set the player up on a schedule to call his mom at 2 p.m. ↵⇥each Sunday. Not only that, Gill would check in with the mother ↵⇥occasionally to see if the calls were still coming. ↵⇥

↵
↵

↵In two years, you will find yourself in church next to Turner Gill. ↵He will breathe through his nose. It will whistle. You will scream ↵"breathe through ↵your damn mouth," and he will look at you. His eyes will ↵contain nothing but concern for your well-being and forgiveness. You ↵will cry yourself to sleep for the next ten days until Gill comes to you ↵in a dream and suggests you call your mom more often. ↵

↵

↵Reached for comment, Mangino swore several tiny dragons into ↵existence during a minute-long rant that even R. Lee Ermey, then four thousand ↵miles away, was subconsciously terrified by. ↵

↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.