Getting Ready For The World Cup Is Easy (After You Fire Everyone)

The South African town of Nelspruit really is an example of how to persevere in the face of corruption, logistical hurdles, and general disorganization in order to get something done for your community. Of course, there are some hiccups along the way, like firing the entire mayoralty and city council, having your government being taken over by the state, watching as mobs of angry children throw rocks at construction crews because land went for stadium building and not schools, and finally the small matter of a little whistleblower-killing...

But yes, other than the murder, corruption, collapse of your government, and the mobs of angry, stone-throwing children: it's been a complete triumph for little Nelspruit. You will now read nothing but positives about the Cup and SA's general preparedness for it from here on out, mostly because it's shiny PR time, and because Sepp Blatter will have his magical Swiss bank dwarves personally deliver FIFA-branded gold ingots to you for not writing anything nasty about it in the mere 100 days left to the opening matches. 

Oh, and if the Aussies aren't worried, why should you be? 

When I asked the Australian delegation if they had any security concerns, they almost laughed in my face.

Note: Australians laugh at wrestling matches with crocodiles and consider redback spider bites to be "a pleasant eye-opener." THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DANGER MEANS. Their advice on public safety is null and void.