Deconstructing The Jay Leno Interview: Lindsey Vonn Edition

Part of NBC's exorbitant overbidding for the Olympics must have come an "I'm going to Disney World" like agreement with anyone who wins an Olympic medal to appear on the Today Show and the Tonight Show. Far too many athletes did 4:00 AM local time appearances with Matt Lauer and company for there not to have been some predetermined agreement – you win, you go celebrate, but get your butt to the set by 3:30 or we have to give your medals to Al Roker.

Well, with the Tonight Show being preempted during the Olympics, our newly-minted American heroes had to wait until after the Games to get the awkward celebratory pat on the back from the new host of the Tonight Show…Mister Jay Leno!

On his first show back, Leno sat down with Olympic skiing champion Lindsey Vonn. Now, Jay's interview style has never been his strong suit – he finishes fewer sentences than Mike Ditka – but with all eyes on Leno's reboot of the Tonight Show on Monday, we thought he'd step up his game a little bit to get the critics to back off. No such luck, as this interview was lame old Jay. Sorry, same old…I meant to write same old. To illustrate the point, we thought it'd be fun to transcribe all his questions for Vonn, highlighted of course by the question about who the coach in the bedroom is. Enjoy?

So how ya feeling? Has it worn off yet? Has it sunk in?

That's the typical ice-breaker for an interview like this, so he's doing fine so far.

Can I see? Can I…wow, these are heavy.

Now, in most cases in a situation like this, the host would try on the medal, some – like Stephen Colbert – even wearing the medal the entire interview. But Leno has that signature hair and giant head, so he probably didn't want to get it stuck anywhere.

How does it feel? What's that rush like, because the whole country, the whole world is watching…what's that like?

That's clearly the best question of the entire interview. It's a shame it was asked by Leno's first guest, Jamie Foxx, who instinctively tried to save the segment before it got going.

They show the tape of Vonn's gold-medal winning downhill before we get the hard-hitting stuff.

Now, I noticed, ah, you got pretty emotional there. Did you know that was going to happen?

I think I read something your mom said that, "you know, she doesn't usually cry. This is a little unusual."

Well, Jay, the last time I won an Olympic gold medal that changed my life forever…oh, that's right, I'd never done this before. I guess I was a little excited and overwhelmed by the situation. So, to answer your question, no, I didn't know that was going to happen.

Well, you know, a lot of people realize, but behind every successful woman, there is always a man in the background. Now your husband played a huge role in your success. He's, he's your coach and your trainer…does that work in all aspects? In the bedroom? Is he the coach…or is it just in the skiing? Coach through the whole…I'm sorry…go ahead…I'm sorry.

There is no response other than this is the dumbest question in the history of late-night talk shows. Coach in the bedroom? COACH IN THE BEDROOM?

Now you did this with a pretty serious shin injury. Tell us about that.

Now, let's stop right here for a second. The next question, about the shin still hurting while she's skiing, is a fine question. It's a good planned follow-up to almost any story she could tell about the injury. Having said that, Vonn just talked about being in the Olympics and not knowing if she was going to compete in the races she's been preparing for her entire life, and used the terms, "so emotional, depressed and frustrated."

This is a golden opportunity for Leno to really make Vonn into a sentimental heroine and get into the mindset of an athlete at the top of her sport dealing with the emotional struggle one has when their body lets them down. Oprah would have made Vonn cry. But that wasn't on the cue cards, so we power through as planned.

Now when you get up there, obviously it still hurts. As you're leaving the line, is the adrenaline so strong that the pain just goes away or are you constantly aware of it as you're going down the course?

Vonn talks about using lidocaine, which is as widely-used an analgesic as anything you can buy in the pharmacy. Not unusual at all.

You have a lot of unusual remedies. What's the cheese thing? What was that? (Vonn explains using topfen curd, which is like ricotta, leading to...) Well, the Italian team uses the ricotta cheese, you use the what…(there was an audible groan from the audience).

And you put cheese? I never heard of putting cheese on…

Well, here's a dumb question…do you use that because if you used a more traditional type medicine – obviously like a steroid or something – then you couldn't compete, right?

Wow, an honest moment from Leno. That was, in fact, a dumb question. Almost as dumb as asking if her husband is the coach in the bedroom. Nah, probably dumber. Vonn obviously replied with, "steroids are illegal."

Right, that's what I mean. But you know what I'm saying, if you use took another kind of medicine…well, let's try the chili cheese and bologna sandwich thing.

Good save, Jay. You're a pro.

Now you had another injury in the giant slalom. Now what's that…ooh it looks a little…(Vonn says her finger looks "ugly")…well it's not ugly, it's alright.

Dr. Jay, Medicine Comedian.

Now you're on the cover of Sports I…now this got all kinds of…they said "oh it's like a, see, like a sexist pose" or something like…Now if a guy, if a guy…show that cover I was on. (They show a fake cover) Now I didn't get any…nobody said anything.

For those who didn't see the clip, they took Vonn's SI cover and put Leno in a sleeveless shirt and jhorts in her place. Fun with Photoshop!

That seems so stupid to me. That's the way you, that's the way you ski. If you were doing your taxes like this, I'd say, "well…"

The segment ends with the typical, "so whattaya got next?" For Vonn, it's the World Cup in Switzerland that she was leaving for last night after the show, prompting Jay to make a joke about setting off the medal detector at the airport – you get it, because she won medals – before calling her a "wonderful champion" and thanking her for being there.

Sarah Palin and Shaun White are on tonight. I hope Jay asks them both the coach in the bedroom question. If he turns that into a regular segment, the show may become a hit again.

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.