Darrell Waltrip and the Accidental Saga of Grand Theft Tebow

Waltrip drives a Lexus? Wow, always thought he’d drive an American car.

What a disappointment!   Darrell Waltrip driving a f$%$#ng foreign car.  How sad.   He’s one of the hypocrites who sits and home and whines about America’s plight and the fall and decline of American car manufacturing.  Probably feels sorry for Detroit too.     Come on Darrell!!   Be a real f$#%#ng American and buy a **** American car.   
How about getting yourself one of the new Toyotas that came out today—the Toyota Kamikaze.

Just another example of redneck on redneck crime.

don’t forget a lot of those foreign cars are made in the US and providing jobs. Or, you could buy one of those American cars made in Mexico and canada?

That’s actually pretty funny.

Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at- A_ge_m_i_n_g_le @ c-o—m a nice and free place for Younger- Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to- interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or- tell your friends.

Now getting back to the news…………………..

This story may go down in history. You were able to get inane comments from Sexy Pete and Sexylori33, and it did not cause a single texting-accident on Route 69. Maybe the two could get together, have a dozen children, and use half of them to play first-chair-banjo for the new version of Deliverance being filmed in an abandoned chicken-plucking warehouse in Los Angeles.

As for Buy American? That nonsense lost its battle when all manufacturing jobs left America because of those friggin’ Obama Union Loyalists who still live in those glorious Jimmy Hoffa days when those avenging past indiscretions were buried in New York Giants Stadium end-zones with a Thompson Submachine gun up their arse; not to mention ‘a banjo on their knee’.

Nice work Levi.

Arse, Samuel Clemens once said, "Anybody can have ideas—the difficulty is to express them without squandering a quire of paper on an idea that ought to be reduced to one glittering paragraph."It is one of the things that popped into my mind while I was trying to keep my attention on your amazingly dull post.

Pete,

Albert Einstein said, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."

Try again.

If that’s confusing, let me quote someone more on your level.

"I’m rubber and you’re glue." Paul Reuben

Maybe sarcasm escapes you as often as wit, not to mention your red bicycle.

Arse, Which of us is insane?  By the way, I am glad to know you are a Pee Wee aficionado.  It makes me like you so much more.  

Pete,

Albert Einstein said, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."

Try again. LOL

Now eat your Lithium pudding, suck on your Thorazine popsicle, and show everyone your scars from the full frontal lobotomy with a rusty egg-beater.

Arse, I have to assume by your rather cryptic repetitive answer that it is you who are insane.  Either that, or I am just following the words of that legendary wag Oscar Wilde.  "In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane."

Pete:

"To assume is to dishonor exactitude." Me

Keep assuming, but for the love of Christ, don’t stop therapy.

Do you ever have an original thought, or are you just another Google intellect with an ego larger than your arse? Why don’t you stop now before you prove Einstein to be correct about insanity and dark matter. Wipe before you flush.

Or you could Google Churchill and add some profundity and wit.

You chose the least effective Twain you could find—first page quotations are often the most inane and selected by twits. I suspect that the only thing you and Twain have in common is the use of the N-word ad nauseam.

Keep swinging.

Pete:

"I have to assume by your rather cryptic repetitive answer that it is you who are insane."

This sentence reeks of the abuse of first person, and revisit the entire "is" is singular and "are" is plural" premise on page 45 of The Little Brown Book. I bet you teach Auto-Mechanics?

Arse, My, my.  You certainly woke up in a catty mood.  Hey, you got me on the subject/verb agreement.  I’m devastated.  Or I would be if you didn’t make so many mistakes in your posts, too.  More on that later.  You want exactitude.  Okay.  I guess I was using quotes in an effort to deliver the message gently.  That seems to offend you.  I will stop.Your posts are unintentionally funny.  The strident tone and overuse of poorly-conceived images are hilarious.  Why do you think it is funnier (or more of an insult) if the lobotomy was done with a rusty egg-beater.  I’ll help you out.  It isn’t.  Though it is funny that you thought it would make you seem clever.You try too hard.  The Twain observation that first came to mind when I read your post was the one about how he always calls a policeman a cop because he gets paid the same either way.  Instead of cop, you want to say law enforcement officer or uniformed guardian of the peace or some other such nonsense.  Simplify, man, simplify.  Your posts aren’t that bad, but the reader shouldn’t have to wade through all of the dross to get to the point.  Okay, I know this will hurt, but you have indicated a love of language that requires my honesty.  Arse, you make mistakes in basic punctuation.  There are mistakes in many of your posts.  There are two in post ten, one in post twelve and two in post fourteen.  Like a good teacher, I will let you track them down.  That is the only way you will learn.  In addition, you do not need to capitalize elements like lithium.  Finally, the use of the internet abbreviation LOL seems to be beneath an expert grammarian such as yourself.  As for the N-word, I will just say this.  I am from Upper Michigan.  That word is not part of the vocabulary up there.  I wish I could say the same for the rest of the country, especially the South.

First paragraph: correct.

Second paragraph: nonsense.

Third paragraph: You are unintentionally ordinary.

Fourth paragraph: If you’re going to use a Thoreauvian quotation, get it correct. It’s "Simplify, simplfy." You could have used Occam’s Razor, but I suspect you get it confused with the Gillette Fusion for shaving your armpits. Before you bemoan the use of "LOL" on the Internet as an idiomatic faux pas, maybe you should have realized that Lithium can be and is capitalized. Read your prescription bottle. However, the word Internet leaves you no choice. It is always capitalized.

Think of it as a proper noun. You can go to any shopping mall, but you can only go to one Internet.

You complain about me using LOL, and you use "Simplify, man, simplify…"? That sounds like every other line from a Cheech & Chong movie. Was that from the book Civil Friggin’ Disobedience Man?

Fifth paragraph: Unadulterated BS. Prove it. That should keep all four of your intellectual gerbils busy until you return them to the lab for a stem cell project to cure your Mother’s extraordinary ability at getting pregnant from sitting on a Detroit toilet. (That’s redundant. All of Detroit is a toilet. Ask any Clevelander.)

Now empty your boss’s ashtrays and wastebaskets before she catches you wanking into a sock while holding a poster of Queen and singing "We are the champions" in a schizophrenic version of three-part harmony, and wasting time on the Internet pretending to be superior without the requisite neurons, not to mention an SAT score lower than your Mother’s sour whiskey and Cuban cigar voice.

Final paragraph: I have been to Michigan—in particular, Detroit. The N-word is bandied about like condoms in your elementary schools, and mint juleps and the vapors in your sole Sony Betamax copy of Gone With the Wind in 3-D.

Now tie the shoelaces on your white hightop Reeboks, take your skateboard and put it in your parents garage next to your Boy George memorabilia and your size 45 XXL elementary school soccer uniform, and go back to watching your Back To the Future Marathon on WGN. Claiming that you are from upper Michigan is akin to calling Lake Superior ‘Walden Pond’. Buy a GPS and take out your Big Wheel and head due-north until your feet turn as purple as your Prince lunchbox and thermos.

Here’s one final hint. Have you ever considered adding just enough wit to your posts as to not make people nod-off like you do after drinking absinthe neat and three-year-old bong-water. Try using it before the second paragraph. Nobody reads your third paragraphs.

Now hush. You’re whining like Truman Capote after waking up in a New York subway with his bald-spot painted lime-green and his pants to his knees.

Do you ever think you will win one of these pissing contests before you reach puberty? Does a 10 lb. bag of flour make a really big biscuit? Keep trying, or read The Little Engine That Could until bedtime.

This is fun!

Arse, I am glad that I will be able to use quotes without offending, and I assure you that I had no idea that simplify, simplify had anything to do with Thoreau.  In fact, I am very impressed that you recognized it right away.  Well done.  Now, let’s argue a bit.  Lithium, as an element may be capitalized when it is part of a listing of the elements, such as in the Periodic Table, but should not be capitalized otherwise.  It might be instructive to think of other elements.  We don’t capitalize iron or silver or oxygen when used in simple prose.  Lithium is the same. As for the word internet, there is some disagreement, though your interpretation cannot be called wrong.  It might be worth your time to check out this article on Wikipedia, if you can get down off of your high horse for a moment.  It lays out both sides of the argument.Well, let’s move on to the rest of your post.  Occam’s Razor is a fine example of what I see as a flaw in your style.  You throw it out without demonstrating that you understand the concept.  If you really know about Occam’s Razor, you should try to do more with it than simply offering it as a counterpoint to an ordinary razor.  You see, telling you to simplify your writing is not the same as reasoning that the simpler of two possible answers is more likely to be correct.  Even though simplify does originate from the same root word as simpler, they do not mean exactly the same thing.  Your comparison was needless and a failure.  Now if I were to apply Occam’s Razor to two theories I have about your writing, then it might work like this.  On the one hand, this might be a very clever effort to see if I understand the concept.  You might be hoping that I will simply look it up and try to fire back, allowing you to fire back with a sparkling demonstration of Southern wit.  On the other hand, it could be something you heard about from watching Star Trek and don’t really understand.  In this case, you just put it into your writing because you thought it might be funny and would make you sound educated.  Using Occam’s Razor, I have to go with the simpler of the two explanations.  It is more likely that you are just vaguely familiar with it and that is what accounts for your shallow usage.  But here is the thing that is most interesting about Occam’s Razor, and is often overlooked by people with a poor understanding of science.  It doesn’t mean that the assumption is correct.  It is simply acknowledging that the guess the person is making is more likely to be accurate.  So, you can’t find your own typos?  Tsk, tsk, LVL.  I mean, Arse.  Sorry.  Something just reminded me of that old Volunteer superfan.  Now, it won’t help you if I do all of the work for you, so I am only going to give you a few of them.  Here’s an easy one.  When you ask a question, as you did in post 14, you are supposed to indicate that by ending the sentence with a question mark.  In post 12, I only gave you one mark for being incorrect, but let’s face it, there are so many things wrong with just saying LOL.  Even middle school students laugh when they see that in prose writing.  As for post 10, surely you don’t think that you punctuated your Paul Reuben quote properly.  If you do, that I am very disappointed.  You are not the man you claim to be.  And finally, I am not from Detroit.  As I said, I am from Upper Michigan.  If you ever make it there, and turn on TV6, you will almost certainly here one of their ads sing, "Upper Michigan – Someplace Special!"  This is delivered with a certain amount of local pride and enthusiasm.  Upper Michigan is also called the Upper Peninsula and the U.P.  Locals often refer to themselves as Yoopers, though that is not a name I really like.  One thing that is certain, we don’t have much in common with Detroit, though unlike you, I have been there a number of times.  A layover in the airport doesn’t count.  My hometown is as much different from Detroit as Burlington Vermont is from New York.  I suppose you have never been there either.  How about this?  Austin and Houston.  Olympia, Washington (where I live now) and Tacoma.All of that said, I have worked with quite a few high school students from Detroit. They were comfortable working with people of all races.  It was as if they didn’t even notice.  Your right, this is fun.  By the way, that was your best post to date.  What’s more, I read all of it.  

Oops.  I forgot to post that link.  Here you go:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_capitalization_conventions

Pete:

You need help with far more issues than can be addressed here without a straight-jacket, a taser, and Starsky & Hutch jammies.

Visit your abuse of the term prose when used as a noun or a verb, adjective, etc.

2. matter-of-fact, commonplace, or dull expression, quality, discourse, etc.

Then there is a difficulty with your inability to accept the fact that if you have Lithium as a medication, it is capitalized. If you have oxygen, iron, or silver as a medication for paranoid schizophrenia, then they would likewise be capitalized—yet difficult to fit in than tiny prescription bottle.

Of course you know this. That’s why you keep using the terms "not always" and "as prose". You were belittling me for my lack of command of the English language. Did you forget that portion already?

Much like your argument about the Internet, you left a door larger than your exceptionally bloated ass from which to escape the blatant lunacy of your inferior grammatical fixation. "There is some disagreement" or "maybe, blah blah blah…" I gave you the rule and the acceptable collegiate reference. Use it.

The rest will be your words verbatim.

A) "It is one of the things that popped into my mind while I was trying to keep my attention on your amazingly dull post."

B) "Your posts are unintentionally funny.  The strident tone and overuse of poorly-conceived images are hilarious."

con•tra•dic•tion    (kontrƒ dik‚shƒn)  n.1. the act of contradicting. 2. assertion of the contrary or opposite; denial. 3. a statement or proposition that contradicts or denies another or itself and is logically incongruous.

A) "As for the word internet, there is some disagreement, though your interpretation cannot be called wrong."

B) A Stand Against Wikipedia:"All faculty members will be telling students about the policy and explaining why material on Wikipedia — while convenient — may not be trustworthy."

If you are going to be intellectually, grammatically, or regionally condescending, you are going to have to stop using the Internet as your lance and upper Michigan as your jackass while tilting with intellectual windmills with your halberd up your arse and your mind in Arkansas.

What you  are actually saying is:

"I, Sexy Pete, live in the sparsely populated and frigid regions of Michigan where the barnyard animals look mighty fine during a long, hard-cold winter as either a means of sexual gratification, or a perfectly good stew when there are no porcupines available."

Your logic, lack of reasoning skills, grammar, syntax, and abuse of terms such as prose and Internet are as flawed as your one-dimensional view of the entire world based upon your rather xenophobic, not to mention alienated personae founded in your limited contact with any area of professed sanity beyond inter-familial sexual-intercourse and your blatant abuse of Occam’s Razor in even a limited fashion.

When you pass remedial grammar, I will give you a gold star. When you graduate Physics 101, I will give you a gold Lexus. Neither should cause me to work up a sweat, much less to save more than a nickel. (Nickel would be capitalized as well if prescribed as a medication for insanity. In your case, it would require a 20 dollar bill.)

As for your lack of depth, wit, or basic sarcasm or beginning literature skills, you remind me a bit of a suicidal man holding a pink Super-Soaker to his head while praying for either a Biblical rain or a ‘suicide by cop’ exit. Now see? I ruined your other supposed issue of grammatical referencing. (Cop.)

You are pissing into the proverbial wind and praying for a raincoat of divine intervention. Take my word for it—and you will not require Wikipedia references. You are a lightweight. You’re tedious when threatened, perpetually contradicting, and I suspect you have more issues than your Ritalin-soaked diatribes and your 6th grade educational inferiority complex.

If you were in fact a teacher, you would have recognized the sources given, and the simplicity and clarity they afford your particular dilemma. Other than your grandiose desires at being correct by self-decree and overtly obtuse abuse of Wikipedia, I have no serious issues with you except for your petulant insipid rants that could bore the pants off a Paris Hilton Scholar with a Janeane Garofalo intellect while on a militant lesbian tirade without access to modern pharmacology.

Before you injure yourself further, maybe you should study the memoirs of Michael Moore until you’re orgasmic, and then begin your own little cult of meditative Marxist alien followers awaiting the arrival of Halley’s Comet and your last Harvey Wallbanger made with Upper Michigan moonshine instead of vodka, and Upper Titan Tang instead of orange juice, laced with the requisite barbiturates, with those all-too-formal black tennis shoes and purple blanket and the Do-Re-Me messianic complex. (If you listen to Eminem, you will be even more confused than usual.)

Read carefully Pete. You are ordinary. There’s no shame in being ordinary. Otherwise, you would have to be labeled according to your rather childish-yet-volatile lack of depth and wit. Let me put this in a more acceptable manner.

You, my friend, are the smartest human being from Upper Michigan with schizophrenic tendencies and multi-dimensional aspirations. According to the String Theory, there are 10 other dimensions. Let us assume for a moment that in at least one of those dimensions you are actually smart and witty. Then the other 10 will not be so darned depressing for you.

Would you care to contradict yourself for another three hours, or will this humiliation be enough for your bubble-gum intellect? "Methinks you protest too much."

Now I must be honest here—I scanned your diatribe; albeit every other sentence. It appears the more verbose you become, the more the exponential increase in deaths-by-boredom. This is the information highway. Too bad you have a red-dirt road intellect and a Stuckey’s Next Exit billboard wit.

If you post again, I will be required to read every other paragraph, and hopefully get you a suite in Bellevue before your foil hat becomes as corroded as your grammatical skills. This post took me precisely 12 minutes. I would hate for you to spend another three hours writing The New Newer Testament, only to have your followers read the Cliff Notes and Google Wikipedia for the condensed version of your blatant lunacy.

If I misplaced a comma, or misspelled misspell, forgive me. That personal character enhancement came with your Biblical University of Phoenix Messianic Degree, and includes walking upon water, turning water into wine, and pseudoephedrine into Meth. (Now see? Pseudoephedrine is an ingredient, not a prescribed medication; hence, lower case.)

Okay—I have work tomorrow. You know, one of those things your parents use to keep you in high-speed Internet, Twinkies, and six-packs of Zima?

Why don’t you go back to quoting Mark Twain. It wasn’t profound, but at least it kept you from stepping upon your own tongue.

Have a nice Monday!

PS: The next time you type Internet, just use spell-check. It’s far easier than backpedaling like a Marxist at a Hitler Youth Meeting.

Pete:

You need help with far more issues than can be addressed here without a straight-jacket, a taser, and Starsky & Hutch jammies.

Visit your abuse of the term prose when used as a noun or a verb, adjective, etc.

2. matter-of-fact, commonplace, or dull expression, quality, discourse, etc.

Then there is a difficulty with your inability to accept the fact that if you have Lithium as a medication, it is capitalized. If you have oxygen, iron, or silver as a medication for paranoid schizophrenia, then they would likewise be capitalized—yet difficult to fit in than tiny prescription bottle.

Of course you know this. That’s why you keep using the terms "not always" and "as prose". You were belittling me for my lack of command of the English language. Did you forget that portion already?

Much like your argument about the Internet, you left a door larger than your exceptionally bloated ass from which to escape the blatant lunacy of your inferior grammatical fixation. "There is some disagreement" or "maybe, blah blah blah…" I gave you the rule and the acceptable collegiate reference. Use it.

The rest will be your words verbatim.

A) "It is one of the things that popped into my mind while I was trying to keep my attention on your amazingly dull post."

B) "Your posts are unintentionally funny.  The strident tone and overuse of poorly-conceived images are hilarious."

con•tra•dic•tion    (kontrƒ dik‚shƒn)  n.1. the act of contradicting. 2. assertion of the contrary or opposite; denial. 3. a statement or proposition that contradicts or denies another or itself and is logically incongruous.

A) "As for the word internet, there is some disagreement, though your interpretation cannot be called wrong."

B) A Stand Against Wikipedia:"All faculty members will be telling students about the policy and explaining why material on Wikipedia — while convenient — may not be trustworthy."

If you are going to be intellectually, grammatically, or regionally condescending, you are going to have to stop using the Internet as your lance and upper Michigan as your jackass while tilting with intellectual windmills with your halberd up your arse and your mind in Arkansas.

What you  are actually saying is:

"I, Sexy Pete, live in the sparsely populated and frigid regions of Michigan where the barnyard animals look mighty fine during a long, hard-cold winter as either a means of sexual gratification, or a perfectly good stew when there are no porcupines available."

Your logic, lack of reasoning skills, grammar, syntax, and abuse of terms such as prose and Internet are as flawed as your one-dimensional view of the entire world based upon your rather xenophobic, not to mention alienated personae founded in your limited contact with any area of professed sanity beyond inter-familial sexual-intercourse and your blatant abuse of Occam’s Razor in even a limited fashion.

When you pass remedial grammar, I will give you a gold star. When you graduate Physics 101, I will give you a gold Lexus. Neither should cause me to work up a sweat, much less to save more than a nickel. (Nickel would be capitalized as well if prescribed as a medication for insanity. In your case, it would require a 20 dollar bill.)

As for your lack of depth, wit, or basic sarcasm or beginning literature skills, you remind me a bit of a suicidal man holding a pink Super-Soaker to his head while praying for either a Biblical rain or a ‘suicide by cop’ exit. Now see? I ruined your other supposed issue of grammatical referencing. (Cop.)

You are pissing into the proverbial wind and praying for a raincoat of divine intervention. Take my word for it—and you will not require Wikipedia references. You are a lightweight. You’re tedious when threatened, perpetually contradicting, and I suspect you have more issues than your Ritalin-soaked diatribes and your 6th grade educational inferiority complex.

If you were in fact a teacher, you would have recognized the sources given, and the simplicity and clarity they afford your particular dilemma. Other than your grandiose desires at being correct by self-decree and overtly obtuse abuse of Wikipedia, I have no serious issues with you except for your petulant insipid rants that could bore the pants off a Paris Hilton Scholar with a Janeane Garofalo intellect while on a militant lesbian tirade without access to modern pharmacology.

Before you injure yourself further, maybe you should study the memoirs of Michael Moore until you’re orgasmic, and then begin your own little cult of meditative Marxist alien followers awaiting the arrival of Halley’s Comet and your last Harvey Wallbanger made with Upper Michigan moonshine instead of vodka, and Upper Titan Tang instead of orange juice, laced with the requisite barbiturates, with those all-too-formal black tennis shoes and purple blanket and the Do-Re-Me messianic complex. (If you listen to Eminem, you will be even more confused than usual.)

Read carefully Pete. You are ordinary. There’s no shame in being ordinary. Otherwise, you would have to be labeled according to your rather childish-yet-volatile lack of depth and wit. Let me put this in a more acceptable manner.

You, my friend, are the smartest human being from Upper Michigan with schizophrenic tendencies and multi-dimensional aspirations. According to the String Theory, there are 10 other dimensions. Let us assume for a moment that in at least one of those dimensions you are actually smart and witty. Then the other 10 will not be so darned depressing for you.

Would you care to contradict yourself for another three hours, or will this humiliation be enough for your bubble-gum intellect? "Methinks you protest too much."

Now I must be honest here—I scanned your diatribe; albeit every other sentence. It appears the more verbose you become, the more the exponential increase in deaths-by-boredom. This is the information highway. Too bad you have a red-dirt road intellect and a Stuckey’s Next Exit billboard wit.

If you post again, I will be required to read every other paragraph, and hopefully get you a suite in Bellevue before your foil hat becomes as corroded as your grammatical skills. This post took me precisely 12 minutes. I would hate for you to spend another three hours writing The New Newer Testament, only to have your followers read the Cliff Notes and Google Wikipedia for the condensed version of your blatant lunacy.

If I misplaced a comma, or misspelled misspell, forgive me. That personal character enhancement came with your Biblical University of Phoenix Messianic Degree, and includes walking upon water, turning water into wine, and pseudoephedrine into Meth. (Now see? Pseudoephedrine is an ingredient, not a prescribed medication; hence, lower case.)

Okay—I have work tomorrow. You know, one of those things your parents use to keep you in high-speed Internet, Twinkies, and six-packs of Zima?

Why don’t you go back to quoting Mark Twain. It wasn’t profound, but at least it kept you from stepping upon your own tongue.

Have a nice Monday!

PS: The next time you type Internet, just use spell-check. It’s far easier than backpedaling like a Marxist at a Hitler Youth Meeting.

Grinunbearit:

Not the Lexus.  Ole Darrell Waltrip screwed the pooch on this one.

Arse and Pete, good stuff man.

Nothing to see here. Tebow will be selling Lexus’s in a couple of years.