We Hope Mike Martz Is Just Talking Crazy About Devin Hester

Devin Hester is, by all accounts, not a very good wide receiver. Sure, he's better today than he was three years ago when he first made the switch, but he is in no way, shape, or form a number-one receiver. He's never even topped three receiving touchdowns in an entire season, and his inconsistency is a large reason why the Bears' aerial attack has suffered, even after bringing in a Pro Bowl quarterback. It's a lot easier to look good at football when you're throwing to Brandon Marshall, Eddie Royal, and Tony Scheffler than if you're throwing to Devin Hester, Johnny Knox, and Greg Olsen, after all.

So new offensive coordinator Mike Martz's comments to the Chicago Tribune about Hester caught us off-guard, to say the least:

"[Hester] may miss a snap or two (because of special teams) and then go right back in," Martz said. "He's our starter. I think he's an elite wide receiver. There's no question about that. We've got all kinds of new things for him. We're moving him all over. You'll see him line up anywhere. Shoot, he might line up as a tight end occasionally, who knows. We'll see."

Misguided optimism... or something far more sinister?

Normally, we'd just dismiss this as Mike Martz being an idiot and leading the Bears toward another 6-10 season, but that last part--lining Hester up at tight end--raised our suspicions. Sure, you say, he may have been kidding. But like animal abuse, putting Hester at TE is something that you shouldn't even joke about.

But what if Devin Hester is actually Dallas Clark?

FACT: If you rearrange the letters of "Devin Hester," it spells "Dallas Clark."

FACT: The two men are of identical height, weight, and skin color.

FACT: When Hester ripped off that 92-yard kickoff return touchdown in Super Bowl XLIII, Clark was (presumably) nowhere to be found.

FACT: Hester attended Miami. Clark attended Iowa... who, during his senior season, played in the Orange Bowl. IN MIAMI.

FACT: We have video evidence of Dallas Clark exhibiting Hester-like breakaway speed... and playing on two teams at the same time:

FACT: Devin Hester is Dallas Clark. Hey NFL, do something about this already!