World Cup 2010, England Vs. Algeria: England Spends First Half Showing They Don't Care About Soccer

England and Algeria are scoreless after forty-five minutes having spent the first half of Friday’s third match attempting to convince Americans that soccer is an over-hyped sport that will never appeal to the masses.

Perhaps that’s an overreaction, particularly after Slovenia and the United States gave us one of the most exciting matches of the tournament, but any soccer fans won over by the States’ incredible comeback against the Slovenes is being undone.

England has taken the talents of Wayne Rooney, Steve Gerrard, Frank Lampard, and Ashley Cole and created the world’s most expensive sleep aid, and I don’t put it beyond them to be trying to convince all the football, basketball and baseball fans to whom I’ve extolled the virtues of soccer than I am an idiot and should never be trusted.

The numbers make the match seem like a normal affair. England had four shots and 56 percent of the possession. Algeria had one shot, and although Karim Ziani looked dangerous at times, both teams played uninspired soccer characterized by a willingness to bludgeon themselves against the opposition back line rather than craft a more intricate solution for goal scoring.

And rather than try to philosophically explain the beauty of all type of strategies, I will spare you and share some of my tweets from the first half:

Djimon Honsou’s voiceovers are the break-out, surprise stars of the #worldcup.

When Emile Heskey is your best striker, you might be a _________________. #eng England #worldcup

This match is making Alex Ferguson look like a genius. #eng England #worldcup #rooney

If Algeria’s kit was a Kool-Aid flavor, what would its name be? I’m just trying to distract myself from this match. #eng England #alg Algeria #worldcup

WTF am I supposed to write for a halftime report after that crap? #eng England #alg Algeria #worldcup

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