Iron Chef? Please, LeBron Knows You're No Morimoto

Like LeBron's going to go all crazy over just anyone calling themselves an Iron Chef saying they'll do you favors if you stay in Cleveland: Cleveland native Michael Symon, one of Food Network's Iron Chefs, has offered to go to James' house once a month and cook a meal for the MVP's family and friends if he re-signs as a free agent with the Cavaliers. Symon posted a letter to James on his Facebook page.

Oh, come on. Cat Cora got named as an Iron Chef before you did. Calling you an Iron Chef at this point is unfair to the legacies of those who have come before you, and requires some other element. I'm cool with "Tin Chef" if you are, Mike, but we can't just go around calling anyone who's anyone an Iron Chef after a few seasons. You have to be in them streets, son. 

Cleveland can't compete with Morimoto, Batali, or Flay, who all live in New York and would likely give free meals for life if James signed, but LeBron's a man of exquisite tastes. He could be bought if you go really O.G. with this. I mean, Japanese Iron Chef old-school O.G. 

I speak, of course, of Sichuan master Chen Kenichi, original killa Iron Chef. 

Oh, it's THAT REAL, Cleveland. Get him to expatriate and become LeBron's personal chef, and now we're talking free agency, game over.