Ohio's Melvin Payne Has Clearly Thought His Endgame Through

Bless those sainted players who, in June, fight with their lives and eligibilities to keep us diverted in the desperate lean times between spring ball and fall camp. Especially esteemed are those programs that, while they may not field championship teams year to year, never fail to continually raise the bar for entertaining player crime:

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Melvin Payne of Ohio University--remember, the only school on record whose players have been charged with punching a police horse--learned well from years of video gameplay, and after botching a robbery at 10:30 p.m. last night decided to cover by reporting the lacerations from a glass door as a stabbing.
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For an encore, the Mobile native is currently attempting to elude police after boarding a Greyhound bus and skipping out on his court date, which, while not precisely a daring escape, should totally fix all those problems he had with The Law.

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