Steven Seagal, MMA Trainer

Steven Seagal has already done so much in life: Aikido master, stuntman, horrible blues singer, movie star, one-man straight-to-DVD industry, deputy sheriff, living proof that a mid-life move to Louisiana will result in truly extraordinary weight gain, being proclaimed a lama by the Dalai Lama himself...he's done it all. 

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He's not through, however. In between meals, he trained Anderson Silva in Aikido, and appears to be dangerously fast for a man of his girth and age. 

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Silva flinches when Seagal hits him, and he does not appear to be faking it, so the man clearly has some chops left in that "fat-martial-arts-guy-who-can-whip-you-ass" kind of way. Remember the key to surviving a Steven Seagal assault, however: have food at the ready, and throw it to the side as a countermeasure to throw him off your trail. Not carrying a fistful of pizza rolls was Silva's first mistake. Listening to the autographed CD of Seagal's music will be his second. 

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