The Hawkeyes are, of course, already Team America ever since J Leman and his amazing American Flag Tie ran out of eligibility:
But while Ricky Stanzi's proven his truck-driving, gun-owning, "middle America" bonafides there are still eighty-four other Hawkeyes who, while likely to love apple pie and NASCAR, have not given loyalty oaths and therefore could be under the spell of smokin' hot Russian spies. Sometimes the vigilance tree must be hosed down with the blood of liberty. America. Number one.
It will come as a relief to paranoid McCarthyists—aren't we all—that the number of potential Red menaces on Team America is down to 83. Ohio high school tight end Ray Hamilton on his fresh commitment to the Hawkeyes:
“It’s going to be fun, that’s all I have to say,” the 6-foot-5, 230-pound tight end said. “Love it or leave it.”
This is the Internet, so it will come as no surprise that the kids with their hippin' and their hoppin' are very much into ludicrous responses to Chris Meyers on national television. Hamilton probably took an official to Iowa City for the sole purpose of grilling Stanzi for his thoughts and feelings when the Moment occurred. End results:
“Stanzi is a funny guy,” Hamilton said. “When I talked to him about it, he said he had no idea that it would get as much attention as it did. I thought it was hilarious.”
Patriotism was invented to be a recruiting tool, but to date I don't think a college football team has managed to deploy it in their favor. Meanwhile, Iowa-affiliated Korean pop supergroup Girls Generation is busy tearing down that demilitarized zone between North and South Korea. If the NCAA raises Iowa's scholarship cap to 300, we might just win this Cold War yet.
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