Thoughts On The 2010 All-Star Game's Seventh Inning

  • Phil Hughes is in now. Whatever.
  • If I weren't getting paid right now, there's no way I'd be watching this. No way. What's the point? Where's the entertainment? The game is meaningless, especially for me, being a Mariners fan and all. And all the things that are most entertaining about the All-Star Game - being close to the players, Ichiro's pregame motivational speech, watching what people are doing in the dugout and the bullpen - are lost on us viewing from home. We're left out. All we get are generic video of the game, Tim McCarver, and Joe Buck. That the Home Run Derby and the All-Star Game routinely draw such an impressive ratings is not evidence that the Home Run Derby and the All-Star Game make for fine entertainment. It's evidence that Americans would literally die if they didn't have sports on TV. The average American's life is so boring that he will tune in to the All-Star Game of his own volition. Invent hoverbikes and the All-Star Game is off the air forever.
  • Two singles have put men on the corners with one out for the NL now. Uh oh. 
  • Chris Young pops out! There's hope here! Chris Young has not had a particularly productive two days. You can take the player out of Arizona, but you can't take the Arizona out of the player.
  • After Byrd walks, Brian McCann uncorks a bases-clearing double to put the NL ahead 3-1. Half of the NL dugout throws its arms in the air, hootering and hollering. Half the NL dugout watches and stays motionless. Tim McCarver calls it the biggest hit for the NL in 13 years, which is pathetic and probably true. What I was really afraid of was a single or a wild pitch that only scored the tying run. A double there is pretty good. It causes an annoying delay as Girardi is changing his pitcher, but now we're something like half as likely to see extras as we were ten minutes ago.
  • On the other hand, that double greatly increases the likelihood that we'll have to slog through a bottom of the ninth. Touche, double.
  • A merciful conclusion to the top of the seventh brings us someone named Colbie Caillat to sing God Bless America. They really have me figured out. Colbie Caillat, Julia Roberts, and a fat black girl from a show I don't watch. You know what's weird? FOX and/or MLB wouldn't do things like this without doing their research. There's a reason they chose Colbie Caillat and the fat black girl from Glee to perform. Which means either FOX and/or MLB have completely lost their minds, or my idea of the audience for this thing is greatly mistaken.
  • Nice of John Buck to not turn into anything worthwhile until he's just about out of Kansas City. The return on that Carlos Beltran trade was just awful. The best player to come back in the Beltran trade was Octavio Dotel, and he went to Oakland. 
  • Right now I am commanding my fingers to move so I don't fall asleep. Move fingers, move. I am sending signals to my fingers from my brain through the magic of neurotransmitters. Somebody hit a home run or throw up or something. All we have left in the apartment is decaf and I'm already three-quarters of the way through this box of Lemonheads.
  • Torii Hunter strikes out with men on the corners to end the seventh. During a replay, Joe Buck says "you think these players don't care?" as Adam Wainright leaps off the mound in celebration. You know you're broadcasting an important event when you have to remind the viewer at home that the players aren't just mindlessly going through the motions.
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