The lack of a fully functioning Internet continues to cause problems at the 2010 SEC Media Days, forcing SB Nation's Spencer Hall to call me and dictate the following from Florida's Urban Meyer time with the press, which included the word "neat," his regimented bedtime, and even a smile.
Urban wasted no time in getting down to business. The Florida coach ran through a four sentence opening statement and immediately dove into questions like a man who'd rather be doing something more pleasant than press conferencing -- getting his fingernails pulled out, for instance, or perhaps sticking his head into a sack filled with live minks.
Like everyone else, he hates agents who jump the gun and contact players early, though he went a step further by mentioning how Florida counters the threat.
At Florida we have security for one reason. It's not for the fans, it's to keep people we don't want around our players away....If you see an agent on the campus at Florida, he's probably going to be hiding behind a bush.
Note: If you need an agent, please check the shrubbery at the University of Florida. Be careful, however, as there may be drunk students sleeping off benders in those bushes, and they can be quite hostile if awakened suddenly.
He also mentioned that Florida began investigating the Maurkice Pouncey agent contact five to six weeks ago, and that though they were still looking into it he stood by the denial issued by the Pounceys today.
Besides the agent brouhaha -- an "epidemic" in his words -- this was a return to form for Meyer in how to begrudgingly give a press conference. He hit the mandatory phrases on the Urban Meyer checklist: high-character, family man, and using the word "neat." He mentioned the importance of family, divulging his new low-stress bedtime of 10:30 p.m. on the dot. He talked about the strengths of his staff, particularly Steve Addazio and Chuck Heater, the last two coaches remaining from his original 2005 staff.
He shot down questions he found distasteful with a glare and short sentences.
Submitted for the court:
Reporter: Do you have the Alabama game circled on the calendar?
Meyer: We play Miami of OH and USF in week two. That's our focus right now.
Meyer wasn't long on smiles, either, but he did crack a genuine grin when asked what his reaction to USC being sanctioned by the NCAA just a few months after Lane Kiffin -- who accused Meyer of cheating in 2009 as Tennessee head coach -- took the job.
HUGE SMILE. "I'll let the commissioner answer that. No comment."
Please let the record show that Urban continued smiling all the way out the door of the ballroom at the Wynfrey.