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LeBron James' Life Is A Hip-Hop Video Mixed With Your Wildest Dreams

If you were to meet someone that had never heard of LeBron James--surely an alien--and had to explain his existence with only one article, you could do no better than Arash Markazi's latest profile for ESPN.com the article that just got pulled off ESPN.com (UPDATE: reason below).

Anyway, some highlights from what was a fantastic profile. What's LeBron like in a Las Vegas nightclub?

Five security guards are stationed around him ... Anyone who takes two steps toward James is stopped and must have James' approval to come closer. The waiter bringing him his cup of green tea with a spoonful of honey and a dash of lemon juice makes the cut, as does the scantily clad brunette with a tattoo of a heart on her right shoulder.

She wants to take a picture with him. "I can't right now," says James. "Maybe later, upstairs, I'll remember you're the one with the tattoo."

"Ooh, he's got bodyguards! And groupies! Crazy!"

Pssh... Tip. Of. The. Iceberg.

Star-divide

Somehow, Markazi finagled his way into a night out with LeBron and his Superfriends, including Chris Paul, his management team, and more. Just another Saturday night...

About a dozen security guards, moving their flash lights, direct us to a roped off section on the dance floor of Tao next to a couple of apparently nude women in a bathtub full of water and rose petals.

...Oh, yeah. Pretty standard. Just a couple of naked women in a tub of rose petals. "You can have them if you want, Mr. James, but they're just simply a garnish to your experience at Tao tonight."

Then there's James' management team. Much like the article itself neatly encapsulates James' completely surreal day-to-day existence, these next two paragraphs provide all the context necessary to a comprehensive understanding of Maverick Carter:

Carter, LeBron's childhood friend and manager, begins dancing around James like Puff Daddy in a Notorious B.I.G video. A giant red crown-shaped cake is brought over to James while go-go dancers dressed in skimpy red and black outfits raise four lettered placards that spell out, "KING." Carter grabs a bottle of Grey Goose and pours a quarter of it on the floor and raises it up before passing it off.

James' infamous one-hour special, "The Decision," was reportedly the brainchild of Carter, a 28-year-old who has never managed anyone outside of his friend James. This three-day party marathon in Vegas (which James is being paid six figures to host) is also Carter's idea.

But back to LeBron's life. That's why we're here, after all:

Bottle after bottle of "Ace of Spades" champagne is delivered to the table by a waiter flying down from above the dance floor like some overgrown Peter Pan on a wire. One time he's dressed like a King, another time as Indiana Jones and another in a replica of James' No. 6 Miami Heat jersey.

Flying waiters dressed as Indiana Jones. WE PARTYIN' OR WHAT?

To LeBron's credit, he reportedly told his companions, "I wish they'd have one of these girls with no panties do that instead of the guy."

From there, it was on to the next one, as LeBron walked into another club, and immediately locked eyes with Lakers' superstar, Lamar Odom. Naturally, a "Teach Me How To Dougie" dance contest ensued, which LeBron won. Afterward, according to Markazi, "James celebrates by crossing himself and taking a shot of Patron." HOV!

In all seriousness, this is LeBron's reality now. He's less the next Michael Jordan than he is a post-modern entity, at the nexus of insane wealth and mega-celebrity, with new media playing the foil to his mythmaking. To that end, the article was a perfect snapshot of where he is as a person and a celebrity right now.

So hold on: why did the article get pulled?

UPDATE: Via Darren Rovell: ESPN spokesman Josh Krulewitz tells us why the LeBron Vegas story was pulled: "The story should have never been published. The draft was inadvertently put on the server before going through the usual editorial process. We are in the midst of looking into the matter."

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noooo

I want to see the article!

by duckyou on Jul 28, 2010 12:27 PM EDT reply actions  

JPEG of article

Found at:

http://www.opposingviews.com/i/espn-posts-unfavorable-lebron-james-story-then-pulls-it

I like this article a bit better than the Celtics Blog because it includes more about his walk-through of the strip, including his encounter with Lamar Odom.

This article shows me that LBJ is embracing and running with the villian role. Anything that means more attention.

I don't pour beer on Max Hall's family often, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.

by jim2 on Jul 29, 2010 12:14 PM EDT up reply actions  

Not a surprise

I guess the only thing that article shed’s light on is that CP3 better watch the company he keeps since I think the tidal wave of LBJ haters hasn’t hit the shore even yet.

slimkim

by slimkim on Jul 28, 2010 1:05 PM EDT reply actions  

wow

is he even a real person or just a character out of a movie? After reading this how can you take anything he says serious

Jon Dove, www.nflmocks.com

by Jon Dove on Jul 28, 2010 1:30 PM EDT reply actions  

So the television show

wasn’t a sign that someone might be self absorbed jackass, it was the culmination of a self absorbed jackass showing the world his true self.

by bezeerk on Jul 28, 2010 1:30 PM EDT reply actions  

After his show on ESPN

nothing about him surprises me anymore. Also, ESPN probably pulled the article because they’re now his lackeys.

Please USC. Keep Lane Kiffin.

by Td1984 on Jul 28, 2010 2:51 PM EDT reply actions  

Far more likely it was pulled for what it said about Chris Paul...

Would’ve rubbed Chris Bosh the wrong way, messed up chemistry.

HERE IS THE ARTICLE

Kobe Bryant's no Michael Jordan. Kobe Bryant is Kobe Bryant.

"Lebron joins teams with his friends; Kobe’s enemies join teams with him." - Gil Meriken

by Saurav A. Das on Jul 29, 2010 7:22 AM EDT reply actions  

The Real Question

Is why this is supposed to be interesting?
Like a child actor, Lebron became famous at a very young age – how can we not be surprised he’s a little screwed up?

by TheRealKingFish on Jul 30, 2010 10:28 AM EDT reply actions  

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