So, LeBron is crankypants, because in addition to being an internationally recognized superstar athlete, unfathomably rich and seeing no end in sight to either fame or fortune, he also insists upon being liked:
All of you. Do you hear that, internet? That's the sound of royal fury descending upon your person with a righteous fierceosity. James probably means to take out his frustrations on the basketball court, but where's the fun in that? Here follows a series of tantrums fit for a king:
YOU THERE, JETERFAN3 I AM COGNIZANT OF YOU CALLING ME LEBITCH. A LIEN ON YOUR HOUSE!!
THIS TWITTER IS ELECTRIFIED AAAHHH YOU ARE BEING SHOCKED RIGHT NOW
IF YOU'RE READING THIS IN CLEVELAND YOU'RE PROBABLY IN A PUBLIC LIBRARY HAHAHA
I WILL SALT THE SCORCHED EARTH OF THE PEASANTS OF OHIO WHO ARE THEMSELVES THE SALT OF THE EARTH SEE WHAT I DID THERE
THIS POX UPON YOUR KITH AND KIN SPONSORED BY JERGENS FOR ALL YOUR IRRATIONALLY CHAPPED ASS NEEDS CHOOSE JERGENS
@ ALL HATERS I WILL STEAL YOUR WALLETS AND DONATE THE CONTENTS TO BOYS AND GIRLS CLUBS OF AMERICA #PHILANTHROPY
MUCH LIKE DELICIOUS VITAMIN WATER I AM FULL TO BURSTING WITH SUSPECT INGREDIENTS THAT WILL KILL YOUR ASS IN LARGE DOSES
IF YOU THINK THIS TWITTER ACCOUNT IS SAVAGE JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE THE EVEN BETTER ONE I'M GOING TO MAKE WITH TWO OTHER REALLY GOOD DUDES
MORE LIKE ANDERSON VAREWHO. OR WHAT. ANDERSON VAREWHAT.