Being the sports-loving American that you are, you may have decided it's time to give this Premier League stuff a shot (it's on ESPN now, after all). But if you're unsure who you should root for, we're here to help you figure it out.
Aug 13, 2010 - The advent of the English Premiere League is upon us, and as Americans we must ask ourselves: "Do we care?" The answer is "Yes, because ESPN will be showing it, and will continue showing it, and because we eat whatever is shoved down our throat we will consume it. So yeah, we care."
In light of these developments, you need to figure out rooting interests. Therefore we bring you the 20 teams of the EPL arranged by rootability in descending order starting with the most likable and working our way down. Please note: these are written from an ignoramus American perspective, and favor teams with Americans, teams in the sweet spot between obnoxiously dominant and charmingly competitive, and teams with interesting fanbases, traditions, and innovative ways of saying they just slept with your mother. Some of them are completely arbitrary, and one assumes the team in question is in fact made up of wolves.
Enjoy? Sure. Enjoy.
PS. Ignoramus American is redundant ahahaha very funny. Your country looks like it needs...liberating.
PPS. That's really cool that you don't like soccer. I'd love to hear all about it as soon as I go see the doctor from spraining my hand making this wanking motion.
The rival Liverpool club to LFC, Everton plays the part of Auburn to Liverpool's Alabama: slightly less successful, but an extremely likable side for the American fan because a.) they have Landon Donovan (on loan with options, etc, but still,) b.) they compete as underdogs to Liverpool much of the time, and c.) they enjoy a "team of the people" image. The Merseyside Derby played against Liverpool is a ferocious rivalry game, and their current sponsor is tasty Thai brew Beer Chang. Positives in all directions.
Celebrity fan: Paul McCartney.
Negatives: Heavy Australian following (thanks to Tim Cahill) may make you feel like the inadequate, non-Australian man you are.
We're just putting them this high because they have Clint Dempsey, and U-S-A! U-S-A!
/takes off shirt
/sings the Star-Spangled Banner
/misses high note
Besides having our favorite American player, Fulham also had the best season in their recent history in 2009-2010, are a plucky but not annoyingly successful London team, and play in Craven Cottage, which is the most English name for any English soccer stadium anywhere. It just sounds like they hand you tea and biscuits at the door.
Celebrities who root for this team: Sade, making Fulham the Bedroom Anthem of soccer teams.
Negatives: Being a small-fry surrounded by giants, but as you'll find, that's kind of common in the EPL.
Smashing logos with fighting chickens are always a positive, as is the central location in the EPL's axis of London. Also positive is the general trend of the club, which led a one-team insurrection against the cartel of Man U, Arsenal, Chelsea, and Liverpool in 2010 and became the first team outside of the big boys to make the qualifying rounds.
They also have this chant, which is catchy:
If I had the wings of a sparrow,
If I had the arse of a crow,
I'd fly over Arsenal Tomorrow,
And shit on the bastards below, below,
Shit on the bastards below.
Celebrity fan: Bob Marley, if you're herbally inclined. Bill Simmons, if you want someone to write about your newly adopted EPL like they're the only soccer team on the planet NO ONE DENIES THIS.
Negatives: Famous for having a particularly large Jewish following, which is not a bad thing, but woo boy the nasty anti-Semitic chants, taunts, and other abuse hurled in you direction are. Not the team of choice for the thin-skinned, and that is saying something in a league where producing coordinated invective of a repellent nature is a point of pride.
Celery! Both the name of a celebratory song and what used to get thrown in the air after victories, Chelsea plays big fish in the EPL with a quirky zeal. It's all there: shadowy Russian billionaire owner, diving prima donna forward (Drogba), stars stricken with sex scandal (John Terry, Ashley Cole) a vaunted but aging hooligan squad in the Headhunters, and a knack for devouring other team's talent with a quick checkbook. If you must go big in your EPL choice, you could do worse than the oddball mix of posh and prosaic in the Chelsea fanbase, which is split between posh neighborhoods and the old blue-collar homegrounds of Stamford Bridge.
Celebrity fan: Michael Caine. <----classssssy
Negatives: Expectations of, you know, actually winning things can get tiresome. Didier Drogba does, from time to time, go insane.
Another hipster pick, especially because you get to pick an obscure team with an obscure American player (Stu Holden) on their roster. You're sooooooooo cool. The bonus of a humorous name, the charm of being a scrappy small squad in a megaleague, and learning something new by finding Bolton on the map will appeal to gluttons for punishment and geography geeks everywhere.
Celebrity fan: Amir Khan
Negatives: Plucky can sometimes mean "pummeled by superior teams." Potential of being out-hipstered when one of your friends drops a West Bromwich allegiance on you.
If you think towns with names straight from a Monty Python skit are hot. If you think a team with the nickname "The Baggies" sounds cool. If you don't care why they're called "the Baggies," since no one in West Bromwich seems to know. If you don't care about rooting for a relatively obscure town of 135,000 people in the Midlands. If this obese, kit-wearing throstle doesn't frighten you.
Actually, if you know what a "throstle" is without looking it up, you pretty much have to root for West Bromwich.
Celebrity who roots for this team: Judas Priest. All of them.
Negatives: Aside from obscurity and status as little fish in the Premiere League...nothing, since being obscure means you have as few negatives as positives.
Benefit from an exceptional nickname: "The Hammers," a nod to their original affiliation with the Thames Ironworks. Hammers are on the logo, too, along with a castle. What we're basically saying is that if you own a Motorhead song, love speed metal, and own Braveheart on DVD but fast forward through the dialogue, West Ham may be a soul-match for you. Other strengths: fans willing to brawl on foreign soil, lack of bandwagon accusation vulnerability (since after finishing in 19th last year, you may enter on the ground floor of fandom.)
Celebrity who roots for this team: All of them, apparently.
Negatives: A quixotic pick. Despite being old as dirt and just as ubiquitous in the English soccer landscape, West Ham's best finish is fifth in the EPL. Also, you may be expected to fight, and that could add additional expenses to pricey EPL tickets and travel costs in the form of legal bills.
Sponsored by an Irish bookmaker? No, that doesn't sound sketchy as all hell, Black Cats. In fact it gives you a rakish charm you'd otherwise lack. The counterintuitives of the EPL, Sunderland has insanely robust attendance for a club in a city of its size, a fact made even more impressive considering they've been relegated three times and sit firmly in the cheap seats of the EPL. Also counterintuitive: their fondness for black cats as good luck symbols. (This does involve an old story about a Sunderland fan bringing a cat with him for good luck to a match. Drinking has started so many wonderful traditions by accident.)
Celebrity who roots for this team: Peter O'Toole. Everyone quit. Sunderland wins.
Negatives: The ever-present threat of relegation, and dude, it is freaking cold up there.
A small team notable for their orange and black kits, their recent promotion to the EPL in 2009, and for having a roster made entirely of wolves. This is also coincidentally their nickname, which really only makes sense. Finished fifteenth last year despite being, you know, wolves.
Celebrity who roots for this team: Wolves frown on celebrity as a concept, though they accept Robert Plant and Jimmy Page's admiration begrudgingly, because wolves have an underreported fondness for classic rock.
Negatives: Ongoing controversy surrounds the team's play due to wolves technically having four legs. This and their low center of gravity makes for difficult matchups despite the roster's lack of star power. May also attack fans in numbers or be distracted by fans waving sausages on sticks. Media issues, since wolves do not speak English. New uniforms for 2010 may alienate longtime supporters.
For those who like miniature things, we have Blackpool, who play in a stadium that seats only 12,000 very eccentric people. The Tangerine Army is a small force but an intense one, drumming away for most of the game and at one point in its history featured the Atomic Boys, who brought a live duck as a mascot to their games. What we're saying is that Blackpool is the eccentric mad pensioner uncle who wants to talk to you about how he made cold fusion in his refrigerator using only a 9 volt battery and a pan full of beer and shallots. If this idea appeals to you, well hello Blackpool fan.
Celebrity fan: Kanye West. (He's not, but since he's unaffiliated and no one's claiming him, we'll go ahead and assign him here.)
Negatives: The perils of being tiny in a jungle of larger predators. Nothing goes with orange.
Not a London or big four team, and hence more likable instantly. Venerable and aged, Aston Villa will be attractive to the traditionalist looking for a long-term relationship , as they has been around since 1874 and have been largely successful in that run. If you have Daddy issues this is your team, especially because they will abuse you, but only because they love you.
Celebrity who roots for this team: Ozzy Osborne, though he likely doesn't remember where Aston Villa actually is.
Negatives: Motto is "Prepared," and no one likes a smug bastard. When Arsenal's Eduardo suffered a ghastly leg injury against Aston Villa in 2008, the fans chanted "He used to have silky skills, now he walks like Heather Mills" Owner is Randy Lerner, he of the Cleveland Browns, and is sure to continue Aston Villa's recent relative lack of titles and glory by contaminating them with whatever virus has infected the Browns since the 1960s. Coach quite a week before the season, and players texted each other pictures of champagne bottles to celebrate.
Just outside the cartel of teams that have actually won the Premiership and blessed with a striking black and white striped kit, Newcastle can be downright charming, what with their dual nicknames ("The Toon Army" or "The Magpies"), and their fans' willingness to skip rent, starve, and possibly sell children in order to buy tickets. Add in their generally competitive nature on the field, their kickin' stadium, and being from a place way, way outside of the national center, and you've got a contrarian's pick in the making here.
Celebrity who roots for this team: Brian Johnson of AC/DC
Negatives: Again, it's cold up there, man. Disorientation may result from rooting for squad of men dressed like particularly athletic American football referees. If you hate bad personnel decisions, you'll LOVE Newcastle.
Rovers is so much more positive a way to say Wanderers. Wandering is aimless, but "Roving?" Well, you're looking for something there, something like 10th place in the EPL last year and a more than respectable record as a club of their size. Other than that, er...they're Blackburn.
Celebrity who roots for this team: Matt Smith, the current Dr. Who.
Negatives: The stadium's a bit hard to get to.
If we're continuing the American sports parallels, then Liverpool is the Alabama football of EPL teams. They win. They're from a "rustic" place. They wear red. Their fans border on the psychotic, and often go into psychotic without passports, prior warning, or visas. They sing when they beat you (and before, and during). They will swear, without irony or qualification, that the sport revolves around them. This is all far more entertaining than it sounds, by the way, since whatever they may be Liverpool are never boring and often successful.
See? We told you there was singing.
Celebrity who roots for this team: Sam Jackson, making Liverpool the choice for those who like constant yelling.
Negatives: A repeated onslaught of the most inventive and brutal chants in the EPL, all mentioning poverty and theft.
In the Liverpool slums,
They knock on the door when they want something to eat,
They find a dead rat and they think it's a treat,
In the Liverpool slums.
In the Liverpool slums,
Your Mum's on the beat and your Dad's in the nick,
You can't find a job 'coz you're too f*ckin' thick,
In the Liverpool slums.
Chicago fans may gravitate to Birmingham City, because they have blue jerseys, play on a field allegedly cursed by gypsies, and aren't very good. Birmingham City also invented these chants.
In those Liverpool slums, They go to the dustbins for something to eat, They find a dead dog and they think its a treat, In those Liverpool slums.
Hail, Hail The Blues Are Here, Shag your women and drink your beer
As you can see, they're quite good at soccer chants. Additionally, they finished ninth with a roster of nobodies, so VORP dorks and Billy Beane fans should logically gravitate toward their thrifty, intelligent futility.
Celebrity fan: The band UB40, who did "Red, Red Wine," and now by association made you hate Birmingham City. Terribly sorry about that. They also played in this kit in 1992, which according to Unsilent Majority of KSK "looks like it was designed by a developmentally challenged macaw."
Another team for the hipster in you, Wigan is pretty obscure, you probably haven't heard of them. They have only played in the EPL for six years, with 2009-2010 being a spectacular year for them. Spectacular: beating Chelsea 3-1! Also spectacular: suffering a 9-1 defeat to Tottenham Hotspur, and then finishing the season with a 9-0 hammering at the hands of Chelsea in their final game. They do live on the edge of being relegated but have avoided it so far, so adrenaline junkies take note: THIS MAY BE YOUR TEAM.
Also the team for people whose college football teams still have tracks around their fields, since Wigan really only cares about rugby, and then football as a distraction.
Celebrity fan: Richard Ashcroft of the Verve, recognizable at matches for shoving people out of the way rudely without looking.
Negatives: May actually get relegated in the near future, and what then, Mr. Hipster Soccer Team Pick Guy?
The Mets to Manchester United's Yankees, Man City has of late fallen under the ownership of crazy wealthy Dubai investors, turning the club into "Blankchester City" overnight and only strengthening the comparison with New York's lesser but still beloved baseball franchise. Like the Mets, they're also good at long dry streaks, have a rough and tumble fanbase, and have a tendency to blow money fast like Rick Ross.
Celebrity fan: Oasis, meaning Man City is the team for those who peaked in 1995.
Negatives: Like Mets fans, being the Daffy Duck to Man U's Bugs Bunny will wear a hole in your soul after a decade or two.
Old, but not necessarily venerable, and nicknamed "The Potters." In other words, the team for the Luddite in you all, and the choice of survivalist antiquarians everywhere. "Survivalist" is included there because Stoke City fans believe in a good fight, too, boasting a toned-down but still fierce hooligan wing in their fanbase.
Celebrity fan: Robert Smith of the Cure.
Negatives: Not the choice if you don't like pottery, small clubs punching above their weight in the EPL, or the threat of being relegated.
The Red Sox to the Yankees of Man U, and just as lovable/detestable depending on your affiliation. Additional parallel: the Miami Dolphins, since they are the only team to go through an EPL season without a loss. Successful, dominant, blessed with vociferous supporters in the middle of London, Arsenal will reward you with wins and self-congratulatory canon of books and movies telling you what a special little snowflake you are to root for Arsenal.
You're to blame for this, Arsenal.
The American version of Nick Hornby's Arsenal ode Fever Pitch focused on one fan's obsession with the Red Sox, and the resemblance is uncanny for so many reasons, but mostly because no one can stand smug Arsenal fans, and because despite all the arias and drama they remain the second best team in the EPL. (SAD FACE GOES HERE.)
Bonus fun! Watch as Arsene Wenger plucks obscure teenagers from even more obscure teams and turns them into goal-mad monsters overnight!
Celebrity fan: Osama Bin Laden. (SAD FACE ALSO GOES HERE.)
Negatives: Doing anything but winning everything all the time will make your life a living hell, and make you insufferable to others. Being an Arsenal fan this is a given anyway, so go ahead and roll in it.
Please note that the following excepts those who were born into the Man U fanbase, those who have followed Man U for over 15 years, and all other acceptable members of the Manchester United fanbase.
Do you have no soul? Do you watch sports simply as a kind of buoyant aid for your flagging ego, eschewing all forms of identity and individuality in the pursuit of rooting for the biggest, richest, and most successful team? America, let's cut to the chase: are you a Yankees or Lakers fan born outside of their home cities?
You are? Well, then. You are a Man U fan. They win everything, have despicable owners, are a global brand recognizable everywhere on the planet, and are your choice, pod-person, for an EPL team to root for year in and year out.
Celebrity fan: David Gray, who sang that song your mom liked, "Babylon." I told you they were that team.
Negatives: Sadly, only the accusation of being a soulless bandwagoneer, since they buy the best players, have a legendary coach, a fantastic stadium, and are on television approximately 5,000 times a day. Oh, and thanks to the Glazers, everything will cost you everything. Enjoy.
61 comments
Comments
What, no mention of the Prime Minister or Prince William
supporting Aston Villa? Or Tom Hanks?
Give us a chance!
7500 to Holte--A Football Blog with an Aston Villa Bias
by Kirsten Schlewitz on Aug 13, 2010 12:19 PM EDT reply actions
Randy Lerner has just been classified as a Carcinogen by the FDA
it’s official
"Voetbal is pas totaal als je wint"- Coach Adun
"The greatest sin is to spurn the gift"- Coach Alistair
by Londonjoe on Aug 13, 2010 12:28 PM EDT up reply actions
Randy Lerner is a powerful negative there.
by Spencer Hall on Aug 13, 2010 12:31 PM EDT up reply actions
I don't know, forcing Martin O'Neill to admit he only manages via transfer isn't such a bad thing
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
by DC Trojan on Aug 15, 2010 10:50 PM EDT up reply actions
Oddly enough...
…I was about to start picking between 20, 19 and 18. Does that make me some kind of feckless git? (Also have a creeping admiration for the Villa and Newcastle, though that was mainly because of Martin O’Neill and Newcastle Brewery on the shirts, neither of which is operative at the moment…)
"Well, if that ain't a show, I'll kiss your ass." - Gov. Jim Folsom Sr. (D-AL), 1948-52
by VandyImport on Aug 13, 2010 12:26 PM EDT reply actions
Everton appropriately sponsored by Beer Chang
Elephant piss beer for an elephant piss team (Mahjullah Tiger!). Everyone in Asia loved Man U, until Arsenal went undefeated, and Chelsea got rich, so I fell in with the ‘Pool (and played for a rival youth club, but some loyalties die hard). Hopefully Hodgson isn’t bloody useless.
"Voetbal is pas totaal als je wint"- Coach Adun
"The greatest sin is to spurn the gift"- Coach Alistair
by Londonjoe on Aug 13, 2010 12:33 PM EDT reply actions
Also
Can’t believe no one pointed out that Everton had Landon for about 3 months last season, they did not choose to buy him and do not feel that he is worth the 10 million dollars the MLS is demanding.
Using that as a reason to support Everton now is rather absurd.
by kizzak on Aug 13, 2010 4:27 PM EDT up reply actions
Did you watch Everton's in-league performance before and after Landon?
They did not have the option to buy him. MLS even claims they will not sell him this year, though that remains to be seen.
by GwinnettGamecock on Aug 13, 2010 4:52 PM EDT up reply actions
They did have the option to buy him, they declined then.
As for MLS say they won’t sell him, Moyes came out and said that Donovan was available for 10 million but it was not value for money.
Garber’s statements are like every other club that has a valuable player that someone better wants, about half of them wind up with a new team by the end of the window. If the team is willing to pay enough, anyone is for sale.
by kizzak on Aug 13, 2010 9:26 PM EDT up reply actions
They don't have the money
End of story.
And if you were pleased to see Donovan doing well in the World Cup, you can thank David Moyes. He’s right there with Hodgson for getting more out of players than anyone else expects.
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
by DC Trojan on Aug 15, 2010 10:51 PM EDT up reply actions
The base problem
…is that Donovan’s worth more to MLS as a symbol than he is to any even halfway budget-conscious European club as a player.
That 17-year-old Hokie sitting in the Greensboro Coliseum rafters in 1997 didn't see any of this coming.
by JoshCVT on Aug 17, 2010 9:48 AM EDT up reply actions
Liverpool
Currently least bandwagony of the Big Four. Pool 4 eva
Anchor of Gold
by KingJamesIV on Aug 13, 2010 12:35 PM EDT reply actions
Chelsea is surprisingly high on this list.
by softbatch on Aug 13, 2010 12:35 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
It's a weakness for Drogba.
Something about the funky hair compels me.
by Spencer Hall on Aug 13, 2010 12:42 PM EDT up reply actions
West Ham’s most well known song (to Americans?) is nearly as awesome as Tottenham’s. Negative: Frodo played their American fan in that movie.
I agonized over randomly choosing to follow the Spurs or West Ham for for at least a year. Simmons’ “affiliation” with Tottenham was not a positive unfortunately.
on the west coast our football is WAC
by christoff on Aug 13, 2010 12:38 PM EDT reply actions
Spurs will rip your heart out and stomp on it repeatedly
seriously… last year was an aberration. Tottenham fans are the most depressing people to play with and for,
"Voetbal is pas totaal als je wint"- Coach Adun
"The greatest sin is to spurn the gift"- Coach Alistair
by Londonjoe on Aug 13, 2010 12:48 PM EDT up reply actions
None of the teams I follow seem to ever win anyways so that’s not so important. It also helped that Tottenham’s “affiliated” MLS club is San Jose’s (hometown and near where I live now). Felt like it gave me a legit connection
on the west coast our football is WAC
by christoff on Aug 13, 2010 1:11 PM EDT up reply actions
I've made my choice..
Leeds..
whats that? Not in the premiere league?
son of a..
by bambakophobia on Aug 13, 2010 12:45 PM EDT reply actions
Come on Toffees!
See? I’m not a bandwagon fan because I know Everton’s cool folksy nickname!
YAY I GET VALIDATION.
by vineyarddawg on Aug 13, 2010 12:51 PM EDT reply actions
C'mon you SPURS
I come by Tottenham Hotspur “fandom” honestly (and, coincidentally, with absolutely no knowledge of their Jewishness) by declaring on a past trip to England that I would attend an EPL match and the home team would then be “my” team forever.
I was geographically constrained by being in Oxford, so I had to be able to get to and from the game inexpensively and within a reasonable amount of time. London it was!
I purposely avoided Chelsea.
Arsenal was away.
I was willing to go hipster and choose a 1st division team (what’s it called? The Coca Cola Championship or some such?) like QPR or Crystal Palace; but in the end I HAD to go an EPL game.
Tottenham Hotspur v Newcastle Utd at White Hart Lane.
I sat next to two Hasidic Jews in black hats, curls and all. I get back to the pub at New College and the barman tells me (then he tells me, Mr. American WASP-y Person) “oh, yeah, that’s the Jewish team.”
I’m fine with it.
But consider that my other major personal pilgrimage was spiritual in nature and involved Canterbury Cathedral. . . sorta of funny.
not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Aug 13, 2010 1:00 PM EDT reply actions
Most Americans in Oxford for any length of time go Chelsea out of embarrasment (my father, for instance, is now a Chelsea fan)... and avoid the local club bcos it's in Cowley
Good for you picking somebody else.
"Voetbal is pas totaal als je wint"- Coach Adun
"The greatest sin is to spurn the gift"- Coach Alistair
by Londonjoe on Aug 13, 2010 1:05 PM EDT up reply actions
I don't want to overstate my time in Oxford
It was only a week for a conference that was held at New College.
But I’ll take the congratulations anyway.
not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Aug 13, 2010 4:22 PM EDT up reply actions
I suppose I’ll decide between Tottenham Hotspur and Fulham. I’m just not sure yet. I’m not homo-erotic enough to cheer for Landon Donovan on a team I’ve never heard of. So it’ll have to be one of the next two.
Tottenham Hotspur is just such a great name, but Clint Dempsey is a nice choice to root for.
Go Bulls!
by Leavitt Town on Aug 13, 2010 1:00 PM EDT reply actions
Yes, but Tottenham Hotspur . . .
. . . are in on the European action this year. More games!
Well, that is, if Fulham isn’t. I have no idea.
not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Aug 13, 2010 1:02 PM EDT up reply actions
They're not
Poor finish in the league table last year, and not able to secure a semi-miraculous berth in the Europa League as title-holders because they lost to
Diego ForlanMadrid in the finals."We don't want our people to be preoccupied with seminude, crazy men jumping up and down who are chasing an inflated object," said Sheik Mohamed Osman Arus, head of operations for the Hizbul Islam insurgent group.
by PaulThomas on Aug 13, 2010 3:49 PM EDT up reply actions
That was my choice
I knew that I couldn’t root for ManU any more than I could root for the Yankees, Cowboys, or Lakers. I actually ruled Arsenal and Chelsea out pretty early on. Without a personal connection to those teams, I couldn’t see a compelling reason to cheer for one of them. I’ve never been a bandwagon jumper, and I’m not about to start now. I thought about Liverpool and Everton, but I liked the idea of a team in London, allowing the possibility of catching a match should Mary and I make our way to England in the future. That moved me toward the Spurs and Fulham. I liked that they were both up and coming teams that had increased levels of success, without having won a tourney or League recently. In the end, I went with the Spurs, as I see them as 1) less likely to end up relegated at any point and 2) more likely to be on US TV.
It was kind of weird thinking through the process. Every other team that I cheer for has been because of 1) geography (ChiSox, Blackhawks, Bears, Bulls, and to a lesser extent Royals and Chiefs); 2) school I attended (Iowa); or 3) educational employer (Alabama). To rationally break down reasons to like one team over another is an odd endeavor.
"Bama Hawkeye, you know, the Iowa blogger who actually uses reason and analysis." - Hawkeye State
by Bama Hawkeye on Aug 13, 2010 1:06 PM EDT up reply actions
Agreed wholeheartedly on ‘choosing’ a team being very weird. The comment below this one is pretty spot on – much easier to watch and choose everyone you hate until there’s just one left.
on the west coast our football is WAC
by christoff on Aug 13, 2010 1:09 PM EDT up reply actions
White Heart Lane
Spurs home is in a fairly sketch part of town – at least that was my observation.
not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Aug 13, 2010 4:30 PM EDT up reply actions
It's "White Hart"
and it is slightly sketchy but not on a match night (unless you are wearing an Arsenal shirt).
There are no friends. Just strangers that we've met.
by Arizona via Slough on Aug 14, 2010 1:19 AM EDT up reply actions
Thanks for writing this
just what I needed, because I will consume whatever they shove at me. Bud Light Lime? Yum!
I guess I’d have to go for Liverpool, then, because they wear red, just like Nebraska. You could have compared them to Nebraska, couldn’t you, instead of ’Bama?
Well… except that our fans aren’t crazy. In fact, relatively speaking, we’re pretty boring.
Maybe I’ll just start watching this stuff and pick teams to hate first because that’s always easier than picking a team to like.
BTW, none of the MLB references worked on me because I could give a flying shit about MLB. So just maybe I won’t consume whatever’s thrown at me. Ha! Take your Bud Light Lime and shove it up your ass.
Go Big Red Nebraska!
Our Cobs Are Bigger Than Yours!
Corn Nation!
Twitter!
cornnation@gmail.com
by Jon Johnston on Aug 13, 2010 1:02 PM EDT reply actions
Liverpool are a lot like Notre Dame
Won a lot in the past, always returning to glory, never quite returned (though that will change this year!!! We hope.)
"Voetbal is pas totaal als je wint"- Coach Adun
"The greatest sin is to spurn the gift"- Coach Alistair
by Londonjoe on Aug 13, 2010 1:04 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I was irked about something you wrote above (too lazy to go back and see what it was) but you are officially all right, based on this.
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
by DC Trojan on Aug 15, 2010 10:54 PM EDT up reply actions
Nebraska couldn't be more opposite than Liverpool.
From what I have witnessed, Nebraska fans are the nicest people, even when we were playing them.
The red s___ on the other hand… You’ll only know when you meet one of their fans…
by SibiGnana on Aug 13, 2010 3:51 PM EDT up reply actions
Bud Light Lime...
makes an acceptable chaser for Jose Cuervo Gold, but only after three or four (shots).
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Aug 14, 2010 10:06 AM EDT up reply actions
19/20
Well done. I’ll give you 19 out of 20 for a 95%. The only one you got wrong was Chel$ea, who are definitely in the top 2 with ManU, bumping Arsenal to 3rd.
That said, I understand your love of Drogba which informed that decision.
Well done overall man. Enjoy the season.
by Kanu on Aug 13, 2010 1:09 PM EDT reply actions
Real Americans root for a team in the Coca Cola Championship league!
Is it hockey season yet?
THIS IS BUFFALO NATION GODZILLA HAS AWAKEN - abayarde
Paul McCartney Can't Play Piano
Burgundy Wave: Nobody's favorite Rapids Blog!
by UZ on Aug 13, 2010 1:39 PM EDT reply actions
GO COSMOS!
by Shivling on Aug 13, 2010 2:25 PM EDT reply actions
For the record, I'm a longtime Gooner...
and I fucking despise the Red Sox and their “Nation” of non-rhotic mental midgets.
Ray Davies and Johnny Rotten are Arsenal supporters as well, so “Smug Arsenal Fan Points” all around!
"When I gave up a grand slam to Pete LaCock," Bob Gibson said later, "I knew it was time to quit."
by The Classical on Aug 13, 2010 3:00 PM EDT reply actions
Great stuff. Manchester City should be listed as more cheer-for-able.
On the Forecheck: preaching the Predators' gospel to the unwashed masses.
by Chris Burton on Aug 13, 2010 3:50 PM EDT reply actions
Where would Hull have been?
Had they not been relegated?
by Freneau on Aug 13, 2010 4:53 PM EDT reply actions
As close to the bottom of the list
as possible for a minnow. The only thing they had going for them was the practically unheard of ascension from the lowest professional level to the top in five or six years, but even that was tempered by the fact that there was never any real reason for a city as large as Hull to be much lower than middle-of-the-pack at the Coca Cola Championship level.
They have a generic nickname that sounds like a team of six year olds at the Y (Tigers), a crazy in a bad way manager, and a playing style that was apparently designed to confirm every negative stereotype of soccer (0-0! Yay, we win!).
by GwinnettGamecock on Aug 13, 2010 5:04 PM EDT up reply actions
This article is missing two key words.
Tim Howard.
I keep trying to pick a Premiership team and stick to it. I even saw Blackburn Rovers v. Manchester City in ‘03, when Brad Friedel was a Rover. But I can’t make myself honestly care about any team past how their American players do.
And if that’s wrong, I’m pretty sure Ricky Stanzi doesn’t want to be right.
That 17-year-old Hokie sitting in the Greensboro Coliseum rafters in 1997 didn't see any of this coming.
by JoshCVT on Aug 13, 2010 5:09 PM EDT reply actions
He's with Everton
by SpartanDan on Aug 13, 2010 8:21 PM EDT up reply actions
Yes, I’m well aware.
That 17-year-old Hokie sitting in the Greensboro Coliseum rafters in 1997 didn't see any of this coming.
by JoshCVT on Aug 17, 2010 9:44 AM EDT up reply actions
Sunderland: sold!
I like Irish bookmakers. I love Peter O’Toole. I am constantly in danger of relegation. I have a team.
by Eric Angevine on Aug 13, 2010 5:33 PM EDT reply actions
West Brom is for manic-depressives
They’re likely to get relegated again this year, then get promoted back to the Premier League for the 2012-13 season, then back to League Championship the next year, and so on for eternity. In their last ten seasons, they were promoted from the second tier four times, made the promotion playoffs but lost twice, got relegated from the Premier League three times, and finished one spot out of the drop zone once.
by SpartanDan on Aug 13, 2010 10:31 PM EDT reply actions
If you’re one of those people who root for the Cowboys, Yankees, & Lakers all at once… you’ll find yourself right at home amongst Man United fans.
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by Jason Brewer on Aug 13, 2010 11:40 PM EDT reply actions
Maybe it is different for an English born living in America
but I could never even think of rooting for Fullham much less Tottenham, and Chelsea being that high on the list while Arsenal and Man U are the bottom 2 is ridiculous.
I am an Arsenal fan. That said I get plenty of heartbreak from my division hopping hometown team the Leicester City Foxes.
by Roa on Aug 14, 2010 12:29 AM EDT reply actions
I think that you have
way overrated the likeability of Chelsea, but other than that it’s a pretty good list. West Ham or Fulham would be pretty decent choices but kudos to anybody who supports a Championship team.
My team, Derby County, were one of the founder members of the league and began as baseball team ! So olde English history and an American connection all in one.
There are no friends. Just strangers that we've met.
by Arizona via Slough on Aug 14, 2010 1:27 AM EDT reply actions
Blackburn
Rovers are the only team outside of the “big four” to win the Premier League title (94-95)
Just sayin’
Tonight, tonight the strip's just right,
I wanna blow 'em all out of their seats.
We're callin' out around the world, we're going racin' in the street.
-the Boss
by diego tutweiler on Aug 14, 2010 9:45 AM EDT reply actions
The Toon Army?
Plus bonus points for being a contrarian pick, Newcastle it is.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Aug 14, 2010 10:12 AM EDT reply actions
West Ham it is
Bruce Dickinson AND Steve Harris? UP THE IRONS BABY
I have the same fashion sense as Tom Arnold.
by CyHawk on Aug 14, 2010 11:17 AM EDT reply actions
Two things I'll note.
(1) I’m surprised at the use of Man U. It isn’t exactly a likable term for Man Utd fans.
(2) Chelsea is likable to an American fan? Unless you’re a Yankees fan and love spending money to win championships it is not likable.
Formerly RyanGiggs11, currently a Contributor to SBN Philly // @scotkess
"College is only 4 years, but the Eagles are for life." - Ironhank
by Scott Kessler on Aug 15, 2010 9:03 PM EDT reply actions
Man U is closing in
on $1 billion of debt. Teams outside manchester are allowed to spend money too.
by lionsden on Aug 19, 2010 2:23 PM EDT up reply actions
Spending 200+ million is inherently different than United’s history of spending money. You don’t hear me complaining about Liverpool, Arsenal or others, do you? Just Chelsea and Man City (plus Barcelona and Real Madrid).
Formerly RyanGiggs11, currently a Contributor to SBN Philly // @scotkess
"College is only 4 years, but the Eagles are for life." - Ironhank
by Scott Kessler on Aug 19, 2010 3:43 PM EDT up reply actions
So only old money is allowed to spend it?
I think United spends money more like the Yankees than anyone else. They are spending ridiculous amounts of money beyond their means. Most teams have to watch their wage bill along with their transfers. The Yankees pay Posada, Rivera and Jeter massive salaries in their late 30’s, like United can afford to do with aging vets. Then they still spend transfer money when they have holes to fill.
It’s not real money that teams without sugar daddies or generous banks can spend to keep up. I guess between City and United it’s a little better to overpay aging players who have an identity with your club…but it’s a competitive advantage most other clubs don’t have access too. They can’t spend 100k a week on several old players who may or may not have any value left on the field. And the other EPL clubs can’t afford to miss the transfer fees because they can’t tap into that billion dollar loan fund for their next star when the old guys finally step down.
by lionsden on Aug 20, 2010 5:31 AM EDT up reply actions
We're talking about salary now?
You’ve gotten completely off track. I don’t care about salaries in football because it isn’t an American sport (minus baseball) and thus does not have a salary camp. My complaints go towards the obnoxious amount of money spent by Chelsea, Man City, Real Madrid and Barcelona in the past 5 or so years.
Formerly RyanGiggs11, currently a Contributor to SBN Philly // @scotkess
"College is only 4 years, but the Eagles are for life." - Ironhank
by Scott Kessler on Aug 20, 2010 8:14 AM EDT up reply actions
Maybe I don't understand the distinction
I’ve only been able to really follow soccer since FSC and Setanta started really putting games on, so I could be naive on how some of the overall finances work.
There is no transfer fee cap either, so I don’t see why that is worse. It seems to me that the teams spending massively more than their turnover is the same whether that money is transfer fees or wages. Or if the money comes from building crazy debt or from your rich owner.
I’m not trying to just bash United, the only teams I truly root against are Arsenal and Liverpool. I just don’t understand how United can be one of the best global brands in all of soccer, yet flush off the Ronaldo transfer they just keep falling further into debt. Then somehow that is ok and healthy that they overspend to compete…yet Chelsea and Man City shouldn’t be allowed to do the same.
by lionsden on Aug 20, 2010 2:59 PM EDT up reply actions
They keep falling further into debt due to loans taken out by the owners, not because their spending is unsustainable.
I don’t care so much about salaries for players because it’s different in international soccer versus American sports. There are no purchases of player rights for cash in the major leagues of American sports (sans cash for players, but that’s still not the same as a transfer). That’s why I care more about the Phillies signing a player for too much, whereas I don’t care if Manchester United pays someone more than the average salary.
Also, even without the Ronaldo transfer United was going to make a large profit from the season.
There’s a distinct difference between a team paying say Ryan Giggs $70k a week and buying Yaya Toure for 20+ million and paying him $200k a week.
Formerly RyanGiggs11, currently a Contributor to SBN Philly // @scotkess
"College is only 4 years, but the Eagles are for life." - Ironhank
by Scott Kessler on Aug 20, 2010 5:06 PM EDT up reply actions
There are some who rooted for Man City
before those wealthy folks swooped in and turned the team into the Mets. Sadly enough, I don’t think they’ve spent that money terribly wisely so far. And me? I loved Mark Hughes, so there’s that.
by Tyler Bleszinski on Aug 16, 2010 1:56 AM EDT reply actions
Tottenham Hotspur for me
I’m a big Judophile, despite not having met a tribe member until I went to college (I’ve read ALL of Chaim Potok’s novels). And as a GT fan, I consider a No. 18 ranking a pretty decent season.
What? Out of 20? Oh, well, been there, too.
by Golden Hand on Aug 17, 2010 11:34 AM EDT reply actions
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