This Week In Schadenfreude: Daddy, Was Notre Dame Ever Good?

SOUTH BEND IN - SEPTEMBER 04: Head coach Brian Kelly of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish watches as his team takes on the Purdue Boilermakers at Notre Dame Stadium on September 4 2010 in South Bend Indiana. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)

This week in misery: Mark Dantonio's little giants set off a cascade of Irish self-loathing, Georgia and Washington compete to see who the nation's rantiest fanbase is, and someone drops a "Flowers for Algernon" reference.

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Notre Dame ends up above the fold at least once a season when they lose to Navy or Syracuse or Duke (which hasn't happened… yet) for something ridiculous, but usually when they play Michigan State it's Spartan fans melting down when their quarterback chucks an insane pass directly at a Notre Dame linebacker or tries to run the option in Hurricane Katrina.

Not so this week after Mark Dantonio borrowed some of whatever drives Les Miles to do the things he does, calling a fake field goal in overtime that resulted in a touchdown and a thrilling Spartan win. In the aftermath, Dantonio had college football's the first ironic heart attack (mild; he's fine). Notre Dame fans had their own. When asked "Will Notre Dame football ever be fun again," they say "no" and quit:

I don't know, but I give up.
by Mike Regan (2010-09-19 09:31:16)

I quit. I can't do this anymore. I have been waiting until next year for the last 16 years. I have watched this administration piss their tradition down their leg. I just don't have it in me. There is nothing left in the tank. I will hope for them to win all of their games, but I am done watching for the year. It is too much of a time investment and I get no return on investment.

Their sons and daughters quit:

Lost Generation. My 16 year old just renounced his
by Dillon301 (2010-09-19 00:41:28)

Allegiance to ND. My daughter at ND says apathy is complete. Says ND stands for other things besides football.

I am tired of the daggers in the heart. We gave been wandering the desert.

The young generation doesn't believe and neither do I.

Their slightly younger children don't even get why anyone would be in a position to quit in the first place.

My 11 year old thinks ND football is a joke
by btd (2010-09-19 00:43:18)

She can't grasp why they are even on TV. She said it tonight. "Daddy, why does anyone care about Notre Dame? Have they ever been good?"

Basically there isn't a kid alive today that has ever seen real ND football.

So it's no surprise that Notre Dame fans knock out our weekly Quest For Ty, declaring a couple third down passes short of the sticks "Weisingham-esque."

There's also much complaining about the nanosecond that elapsed between the play clock's expiration and the fatal snap, even if the Big East officials are standing by the call. One poster declares he's tired of getting screwed by Big Ten refs, which will be of interest to Big Ten refs watching the game on TV—it was a BE crew; another says "it could have been a split-second thing, but I don't think it was."

But wait! There's more complaints! They are about:

  • offensive pass interference that transpired during the play (which is "just one more irritating f---ing tidbit from that game and another barb to the fact that we're starring in another team's goddamn highlight video")
  • the curse hanging over the program ("Saban, Stoops, Meer, Bryant, Obsorne, etc. would have the same fate with this team")
  • that some people think there's a curse hanging over the team ("f--- your grandma" to the OP)
  • the prospect of starting 1-5 ("the Stanford game will be like Clubber Lang vs. Rocky Balboa after Micky died.")
  • everyone else whining, which draws responses ranging from "eat a dick" to "eat a bag of dicks."

And, finally:

I hate college football.
by Mike Regan (2010-09-19 03:27:52)

 


It sucks. It has not been fun for 17 years. I am 32. Too young for this shit, but among the youngest ND fans that know what winning ND football looks like. Keep in mind that our recruits are 14-15 years younger than my old ass.

 

That is all.

Excellent work, college football. Notre Dame owns the Tears of Unfathomable Sadness. The rest of the week in spleen after the jump.

ACC

The Quest For Ty is accomplished but there are many more dread specters of coaching past that can be invoked when something goes terribly wrong for your team. Like, say, the dread B-word when it comes to Tigers of any variety. In this case it's the Clemson edition:

Clemson Staff goes Bowdenesque in a loss to Auburn

Shakin' The Southland gets it all wrong by declaring a desire to write something before the Jack Daniels takes effect, but if you can't blame something this douchy on Jack Daniels you're not trying:

I want to know why the hell Jamie Harper was in this game at RB. … He tiptoed into holes and refused to lower his shoulder on people all night. He wouldn't hit a DB, and then pussed out on blocks. He played like a pussy. You don't give a guy 19 carries when he gets nothing (44 yards, just over 2 ypc), when you have another guy with 22 for 140. Thats a BOWDEN MOVE, and I don't forgive that shit.

Nice. Next time you face down a man named Eltoro Freeman—a name that translates to "the unchained minotaur"—give me a ring, Clemson blogger.

Wake Forest is now a damp wet smear under Jim Harbaugh's boot. The peanut gallery's reaction during the game:

Is there a "forfeit at halftime" option?

by Martin Rickman on Sep 18, 2010 9:16 PM PDT

No, there is not. There isn't even a "don't challenge a fumble when you're up 68-24" option against Harbaugh. At some point the black hole suck of your defense re-arranges the rules of grammar:

This is more embarrassing than I have ever been as a Wake fan

by RAJohnston on Sep 18, 2010 10:00 PM PDT

Some guy says everyone is "too young to 'appreciate' the horridstretch of 210-3 back in '75," and people say they aren't. Which: yeesh.

Big East

It was one thing to lose to Michigan on the road, but going down to Temple by two touchdowns is a little much for UConn fans with Big East championship dreams after an 8-5 2009. Afterwards, Husky fans are digging out pictures from Temple of Doom (GET IT?):

Temple? A team kicked out of the Big East in 2004 because of poor attendance and lack of competitiveness, and was essentially replaced by the Huskies? A team that hadn't beaten a BCS opponent since a 10-point win over Syracuse in 2005 (the last of the Owls' two total wins that season)? A team that barely escaped FCS foe Villanova and needed OT to take down Central Michigan in its two previous games this season? A team that, after beating a now 1-2 UConn team that has just four mediocre bowl games under its belt, was proud enough to hit head coach Al Golden with a Gatorade bath (a Golden shower, if you will) to celebrate the win.

... Really?

Uh… yeah. The UConn Blog declares the game "one of the worst and most frustrating" games in the history of UConn football, which sounds like hyperbole until you remember they've only been around since 2000. tUB follows that up with an in-depth analysis of the times when Zack Fraser threw not to his receivers but their eleven-foot-tall imaginary friend:

Picture_6_medium

The blue arrow in that picture is pointing at Moore. The black arrow indicates his head, otherwise known as the top of his body. The red? That is pointing to his arms, extended above his head, desperately reaching for the ball, ZACH FRAZER THREW THE BALL OVER THE HEAD OF A WIDE OPEN MAN STANDING 10 YARDS AWAY FROM HIM, AGAIN.

His name is "Tacopants" and he used to hang out at Michigan until Denard Robinson showed up and he transferred because of a lack of playing time. Get used to him, UConn: he's made of dreams and has infinite eligibility.

Elsewhere in the Big East, Cincinnati kicked the year off with an uncompetitive loss to Fresno State and followed that up with another against NC State in what promises to be the least exciting Thursday-nighter of the year. As a result, the three(!) most recent posts on Bearcats Blog are listings of UC's basketball schedule. I don't think they're fans of the offensive line:

The offensive line at this point is a joke. The secondary, outside of Reuben Johnson, can't cover. The defensive line gets no pressure. The offensive line is a joke.

Aaand let's check off the Kragthorpe box on our Quest For Deposed, Terrible Coach:

For right now, let's watch It's Always Sunny and imagine ways that Butch Jones is not the second coming of Kragthorpe.

Big Ten

Iowa went to Arizona in the top ten and dreaming of a national title. They come back listless, without a reason to care about anything anymore. What's the point, anyway?

I'm Depressed Boyz Reply

 


 

Trying not to sound like a whiney girl and maybe it's the booze and weed talking, but I am feeling pretty low. Immediately following the game, I was 'relatively' positive, being proud of our team's 20 point comeback and believing this win could help strengthen us for the Big Ten season ahead.

But the more I think about it, as a current UI student, the only thing motivating me to try hard in school, or even go to class for that matter (as sad as this is), was the possibility of a national championship this season. The fact that we lost that chance in such a ridiculous, penalty and mistake ridden game is just depressing….please give me some grief counseling Hawkeye Report...

Apparently calling the other members of HawkeyeReport.com "boyz" is kind of a thing, but nihilistic apathy is all Muert Alert Hawk. He is our Scott Tenorman of the Week. He does not get much sympathy, as  Northern Hawkeye replies "Your entire post is Exhibit A of why your generation will forever destroy America." This is not quite true as long as Jersey Shore is still around, but close enough.

 

And Michigan didn't actually lose, but after the last two weeks beating UMass by five as you watch your two scalps go down to Temple and MSU felt like one. Here's one fan's impression of a Michigan D that gave up to 37 to the Minutemen:

That's about right.

Big Twelve

Find me a more confusing team than Kansas and I'll eat a nickel. Week 1: lose to I-AA team. Week 2: beat defending ACC champ Georgia Tech. Week 3: lose to a not-very-good edition of Southern Miss. Jhawk6666 thinks back to middle school and drops the bomb:

Flowers for Algernon Post Rating (18 votes)

We've all read it.  And now, we're living it.

Would we be better off never having had the 2007 season and the 2008 Orange Bowl?

Your papers are due by Monday.

This man Wins The Internet in week 3. Everyone on the board completely misses the point and says "no," of course, but they will realize Jhawk's misunderstood genius when he's gone.

Pac-10

The internet's main Cal blog is saying things like "the defense looked pretty darn confused" after giving up 52(!) to Nevada on Friday, so they're no fun. The Rivals board apparently shut the board down, but Scout is debating whether or not to fire the program architect with money a strapped Cal athletic department doesn't have. Unfortunately, Cal and Stanford pain is accompanied by immaculately spelled treatises, not entertaining rants. At least not yet.

Moving on, Washington experienced a crushing loss to Nebraska. Obvious Willingham reference:

It just CANNOT be a coaching issue.
Just weird coincidence that we haven't won a road game since Sark took over.
Even Ty could win a road game.
What does that say about how good Sark is?

Um… not less good than Willingham. Elsewhere in that same thread someone declares "Seriously Dude our interior line couldn't stop Lady Gaga!!!" And Dawgsrule keeps up the streak of incredible UW rants reproduced in full:

The journey to permanent irrelevance continues... 

heck, maybe Nebraska let us know today that its already here! If so, my Saturdays can free up in the Fall for the first time in 30 years! All I've had the past 8 years is hope for a better future that is ever more likely to NEVER come. I know my wife will be happy...she'll probably send THIRD-YEAR COACH Bo Pelini a Christmas card for the favor. Hmmm...I wonder how Sark's 3rd year will go....?

2003...2004...2005...2007...2010....they are all the same. There is no where left to decline TO! Permanent Irrelevance has kicked his feet up, gotten comfortable, and has made himself at home. And judging by all the "It takes time to implement a new system" or "Got to give him time to allow all the "Talent" he is bringing in to blossom" comments I am reading now like it was Gilby's or TyWrong's 2nd season at the helm, it has become comfortable to many Husky fans too. I guess I'm just not patient enough to wait around a couple of decades till they get it right and turn it around.

I blame myself...how could I think a team returning 18 starters with a 5th year QB widely regarded to be the 1st player to be taken in the NFL draft, and coached by a supposed NFL QB-Trainer would get BETTER??? I'll never be fooled again...they'll have to prove it to me with an ENTIRE ACTUAL WINNING SEASON before I believe Husky Football is anything but a huge hunk of crap ever again!

Washington fans are well ahead when it comes to the rantiest fanbase.

SEC

 

Even the Georgia message board nuts were fairly subdued after the South Carolina loss, but getting BOOM MALLET'D by humiliatingly wide open receivers has brought out the knives. The knives and the ALL CAPS and the exclamation-point pounding:

Does Richt Even Fking Work Or Just Hang Out   (Posted on 9/20 at 10:34 a.m.)

 


 

For the last few years Mark Richt and the coaches have been questioned about work ethics and dedication. Seems this is still a serious problem. Over 5 million a year in salaries and this Bull sh-t continues. I am passionate about Georgia football and I am pissed off to no end. President Michael Adams, demand Mark Richt fire Bobo and do his f---ing job like he was hired to do. The only job richt and coaches have is to WIN FOOTBALL GAMES. Nothing Else!!!!!!!!!!!

To PROZAC/XANAX Richt, YOU HAVE PUT GEORGIA FOOTBALL AND THE FANS IN A POSITION TO BE CALLED LOSERS BY ALL OTHER SEC SCHOOLS. YOU MARK RICHT ARE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS. I WILL NOT EVER ACCEPT THE FACT YOU ALLOWED THIS PROGRAM TO SINK SO f---ING LOW. GO COACH IN A CHURCH f---ING FOOTBALL LEAGUE WHERE THEY DO NOT KEEP SCORE.

One touchdown in first 7 quarters of sec football and you see improvement, GET OFF THE f---ING Prozac and Xanax.

..and Georgia pulls even with Washington. That board has taken to calling Mark Richt "Coach Valium" and suggests a novel approach for keeping your ass out of the fire: "Valium should fire his dc in odd years and oc in even years. We can be like congress switching control every election cycle. That really pays off."

Even if he tries that, this is never good for your job security:

We have less conference wins than Vanderbilt right now

 

 

Seat: hot.

Next week in misery: The Big Ten beats up on a bunch of MAC snacks but Alabama or Arkansas ends up pissed off and Texas threatens to send Bruins Nation into a conniption fit. The main event: one of the nation's most unstable fan bases is going down when LSU meets West Virginia. Come on overtime fake field goal!

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