A blow-by-blow review of the most important mascot fight to date in the college football season: the Ohio University Bobcat versus Brutus Buckeye of THE Ohio State University that everyone on the planet has sent you today.
0:06 Pursuit is all about angles. The Bobcat enters the picture from the right side like a corner on run support, and he already has the geometry down and mastered. Brutus has nowhere to go, and in the open field he's meat on the hoof without a rancher or sheepdog in sight.
0:08: Contact, and though it's his mascot former Buckeye Chris Spielman has to be thrilled with the lead with the shoulder, bringing the hips, and wrapping up on Brutus. Form tackling at its finest is only thrown off by the huge mascot head, which does get in the way of an otherwise perfect stop.
0:15: Brutus makes a nice recovery, but you know this isn't over the instant the Bobcat skips through a throng of Ohio State football players to continue the fight. These are men who make their future livings based off their bulk and ability to beat the stuffing out of people small enough to wear mascot costumes. Death wish, thy name is the Ohio Bobcat. Your breakfast is a full bowl of aintgiveaf#$@, and your lunch is a thumbtack smoothie.
0:33: Are those Brock Lesnar short punches? His grappling game could use some work as he takes a hard slam from Brutus, but the tenacity of his submission game makes up in enthusiasm what it lacks in technique.
0:40: We have no clear winner besides you the viewer, though the Bobcat is clearly ahead on the judges cards. Oh, and Ohio State players just sitting around watching at this point? Thanks a lot. It's like the Bobcat is an SEC defensive line and Brutus is playing the part of your quarterback. They've got your back, mascot, and by that they mean they'll allow you to be beaten half to death by a rabid housecat in your own house. Simply disgraceful. You know when you'll live this image down? Five minutes past the twelfth of Tresselnever, sirs.