You may have seen this video clip over the weekend, because at the end of it, Will Hill runs over someone in a wheelchair, making for a fantastic bit of unintentional (and completely evil) comedy.
Of course, if you heard Mark Schlereth's inane rant about officiating beforehand, you were probably too angry to notice anything else. Or maybe that was just me. In any case, let's re-hash it here.
What Happened: The Florida center forgot the snap count, prompting the entire Florida offensive line to move early, expecting the ball to get snapped. They were all called for a false start.
What Schlereth Saw: Pure evil. Cruelty, even. And it's been happening for TOO DAMN LONG.
As Schlereth fumed afterward, "Really? ... I mean, you gotta call the entire offensive line on a late snap? That's just disrespectful. That's exactly why offensive lineman are motivated out of fear and paranoia. That's why we're all neurotic. How can you call it on EVERYBODY?"
"Pick a number, MAN!"
(nervous laughter from the play-by-play guy)
"Oh, man. That gets me riled right there. DISRESPECT. The entire offensive line!"
What the hell is he talking about, you ask? Beats me. You'd think a former offensive lineman would recognize that sometimes, when the ball isn't snapped on time, it's possible for an entire offensive line to get called for a false start. It's not even that rare. Mostly, it's just funny.
But RAWRRRR MARK SCHLERETH IS MADDD. Because this unfairly targets offensive linemen, who are already subject to undue PARANOIA, and FEAR, and possibly, SCHLERETH-LIKE DEMENTIA.
The horror of a five-yard penalty!
Nevermind that it'd have been more psychologically damning to single out one of them, and that getting a penalty as a unit is probably the most reassuring false start they've ever received.
Mark Schlereth is RILED and that's all that matters. Because damnit, this is
the National Football League Division 1 College Football and they should know better. WE SHOULD ALL KNOW BETTER. It's a disgrace to the game, and Mark Schlereth's sorry, but he just respects the game too much NOT to get upset. Even if it makes no sense. It's DISRESPECT.
And it's yet another reminder that even in a sea of awful announcers, Mark Schlereth stands proudly atop his soapbox, shining above the rest, driving us just a little bit crazier than the Theismans of the world. I mean, here I am, freaking out over a 30 second audio clip. Good God. The fear and paranoia has gone on too long.
Can somebody please save us from Schlereth?