Ray Lewis Is Wearing Clouds And Riding A Raven

A particulate analysis of the following advertising material--featuring Ray Lewis wearing clouds and riding a giant, laser-firing raven--follows. 

1. Cloudsuit. I thought Ray Lewis wearing Conan The Barbarian's evening coat was the funniest attire he would ever wear. I have been proven wrong. 

2. "Body Muscles." Lewis cites "body muscles" as an important element for success, leaving out "soul muscles," "brain muscles," and "muscle muscles" in his list. This is funny, but really overlooks the importance of "head muscles." 

3. Raven saddle. The note of practicality in the impossible making it all real. Birds are bony, and if you're going to spend some serious time on them you'll want something between them and their spiny but impossibly light bones. 

4. THIS: 

Screen_shot_2010-09-08_at_1

5. Keyboard grandeur. Sure the raven shoots lasers and has rockets in its ass, but it's the Moog synthesizer soundtrack that upgrades them to pure excellence. 

6. Why Saturn? So many other planets deserve your scorn, like Uranus, for example. Never liked that planet's attitude, anyway. Oh look at me with my suggestive name and vertically arranged rings! We'll see who feels so special when Ray Lewis and his laser Raven need a new planet to blow up, Uranus. 

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