Keys To Victory For Tennessee: Shower Discipline

How low did Tennessee football sink under Lane Kiffin? So low, reader, that the players may have literally forgotten how to wash themselves.

A rash (get it HAHAHA) of staph infections in the Tennessee football locker room forced first year coach Derek Dooley to re-educate his team on the finer points of properly showering. I did not just make this up. This happened. For real.

“We’ve had a few staph infections, so we did a clinic yesterday on proper shower technique and soap and using a rag,” Dooley said. "We put some new rags in — y’all think I’m kidding, but I’m serious.

Please let this actually involve Derek Dooley stripping down naked to show them this, or if not at least let it involve Dooley correcting unreal and absurd things Tennessee football players were doing instead of bathing, like turning on the water, eating the soap believing it was a magical antibiotic tablet of some sort, and then turning off the water and drying off under the hand dryers.

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