Hello, Buffalo Bills fan. You might expect this to be the usual litany of woes and pitfalls your franchise has enjoyed even in its most successful iterations, but drafting Cam Newton might not be a horrible idea. Call it an enchanted convergence of weaknesses, but one man matched with Newton's raw talent might be the best hope for avoiding a trip into the land of Bustovania.
I give you that hope: Chanathan Montague Gailey the Fourth.
He looks like's he's posing for a Depression-era photo spread here, doesn't he? Other NFL coaches will want to get all smart and ambitious and stuff, and this is where they will fail with Newton. Chan Gailey has no such pretensions, because he is simple/dumb playbook-wise and always has been, and also because he recently spent a long spell in college and has a pretty clear understanding of what he's going to be working with in Newton.
He worked a similarly athletic but raw talent in Kordell Stewart into a winning quarterback at an early stage in his career, and could likely do the same with Newton, a talent who possesses far more potential than Stewart did coming out of college. Additionally, Cam can take his lumps quietly in Buffalo, and if it doesn't work out can simply say, "I was drafted by Buffalo, y'all."
We're playing Costanza rules here, and that is why Buffalo could be perfect for Newton. Low expectations, modest goals, and Chan Gailey calling something like four different plays the whole season for Newton and letting the legs and Newton's large, hopefully durable frame do the rest. (Bonus: Canada and the CFL are right there if it all doesn't work out!)