Hey, do you have a ringing feeling in your ears after that abysmal Super Bowl XLV halftime show by the Black Eyed Peas? ME, TOO! Let's recap the carnage.
"I Gotta Feeling" kicked off the Black Eyed Peas' assault on our ears. Lots of people dressed in white jumped up and down as tinny music blared. The audio issues would persist throughout the performance — everything sounded faint, as if FOX had no idea how to televise a halftime show.
"Boom Boom Pow" came second, and came complete with TRON-style green arrows on the field, likely pointing to somewhere else fans would have liked to be. Those turned into a pair of circles around the main stage. And Taboo and apl.de.ap got to rap!
Then, in a nice transition to non-Black Eyed Peas music, Slash emerged from the stage, probably not actually playing the riff to "Sweet Child O' Mine" — not that anyone could tell, what with the incredibly low mixing for the guitar — and allowing Fergie to butcher it to nearly unrecognizable hash.
After the surf-rock riff for "Pump It" kicked in, I briefly thought the halftime show was improving. But will.i.am decided to rap in a nearly unintelligible mumble, rendering that song's energy moot.
Next song: "Let's Get It Started," which really makes no sense whatsoever as the fifth song in any sequence of songs, but did permit Usher to descend from the roof and co-opt the halftime show for about 15 seconds of singing and 75 seconds of the same dance routine he did while performing "OMG" at every public event and awards show in 2010. It included a split! It was impressive!
And then the Black Eyed Peas tried to remind everyone to ask "Where Is The Love?" If you hadn't asked "Where is the remote? Hit mute, please?" by then, you might have heard will.i.am freestyle a couple of bars: "Obama, let's get these kids educated" was part of it, and so was the phrase "create jobs," which is an oddly conscious move for a guy who has been writing ever more basic hooks since, oh, 2004.
By the end, when will.i.am was singing "The Time (Dirty Bit)," and professing to having fun while doing the Running Man, it was hard to believe anyone was having the time of this or any life. But, hey, the BEP finished by affirming that they have a feeling tonight's gonna be a good night. So there's that.
FOX returned from commercials after the halftime show with a bit of the Black Keys' "Howlin' For You." It was better than the entire halftime show.
Could this be the worst Super Bowl halftime show ever? Well, let's just say I think the "wardrobe malfunction" halftime will be remembered more fondly — and as a better-executed show.
"I Gotta Feeling"
"Boom Boom Pow"
"Sweet Child O' Mine" (with Slash)
"Let's Get It Started"
"OMG" (with Usher)
"Where Is The Love?"
"The Time (Dirty Bit)"
"I Gotta Feeling" (reprise)