Thursday morning, the Los Angeles Angels handed the baseball world a fork and gripped the baseball world's arm and guided the fork in the baseball world's hand into an electrical outlet when they signed both Albert Pujols and C.J. Wilson as free agents. Wednesday night, the best free agent hitter and the best free agent pitcher were available, and Thursday morning, they were not, having signed with the same team at about the same time.
Saturday, at 11:30am local time, both Pujols and Wilson will be formally introduced in an Angels Stadium news conference. There had been talk that the players would get separate news conferences. They will get the same news conference.
What follows are selected minutes from the conference.
A door opens at the side of the stage. General manager Jerry Dipoto walks through and holds the door open for Pujols. Dipoto lets go of the door and it slams into Wilson. Dipoto utters an apologetic grunt. Dipoto proceeds to pull out Pujols' chair, while Wilson doesn't have a chair and is forced to kneel. On the back wall hang two jerseys: a Pujols home Angels jersey, and a blank home Angels jersey.
Dipoto: Hello, and thank you all for coming.
Dipoto: This is a great day - maybe the greatest of days.
Dipoto: Beside me sits unquestionably the greatest player in Angels franchise history.
Dipoto: No, he hasn't yet worn an Angels uniform. But trust me.
Dipoto: Big things. He's going to do big things, for a long time.
Dipoto: Also there's this other guy.
Dipoto: /casually points thumb at Wilson
Dipoto: He's new too.
Dipoto pauses to take a drink of water from the bottle placed in front of him. Pujols follows suit. Wilson notices that he doesn't have a bottle of water, and reaches for Dipoto's after he puts it down. Dipoto shoots Wilson a look and shakes his head slightly.
Dipoto: Pujols Pujols Pujols
Dipoto: It was all any of us could think about Thursday morning.
Dipoto: When I heard he accepted, I couldn't believe it.
Dipoto: The first thing I did was shake my head.
Dipoto: The second thing I did was call my wife.
Dipoto: "Honey, we just signed Albert Pujols!"
Dipoto: She couldn't believe it, either.
Dipoto: I mean
Dipoto: Albert Pujols!
Dipoto: What a morning!
The blank home Angels jersey falls down.
Pujols, Dipoto and Wilson all stand. Dipoto helps Pujols into his new Angels jersey, drawing applause. Pujols, all smiles, buttons the bottom button, then unbuttons it. Pujols and Dipoto pose for pictures. Wilson reaches for the blank jersey on the floor and tries to put it on, but it's far too small, so he just holds it in his hands. An old, chewed wad of gum is stuck to a sleeve.
Pujols: I tell you man, I could not be more excited.
Pujols: I look at this team and I think, wow.
Pujols: I just won the World Series, and with this team I could do it again.
Pujols: There's bats, good hitters everywhere.
Pujols: And the pitching, Jered, Danny and Ervin.
Pujols: We gonna do a lot, man. We gonna play for the title.
The lights turn off on Wilson's side of the stage. A man in the back of the room walks up to another man in the back of the room. Both of them shrug.
Reporter: I was wondering if you could walk us through your thought process.
Reporter: What was it that made you think, "I want to be an Angel"?
Wilson: I remember, the first thing I-
Reporter: Not you.
Reporter: I was wondering if you could tell us what it's like to share the stage with such a great player.
Reporter: This time you.