Don't read this if you don't want to.
2011 Mock Draft.
This is the Top 21
Recommend if you like it.
1. Carolina Panthers- Rick Ro$$, DT, 6'4 360 lbs.
The Panthers desperately need a big guy to clog up the middle and stop the run. Ro$$, at 360 pounds, can astronomically improve the Panthers' run defense. His skillset allows him to play either Nose Tackle or Defensive tackle, and maybe even return a few kick-offs. His combination of strength and speed is unheard of and therefore should be revered. Big Meech is a can't-miss.
2. Denver Broncos- Bob Costas, CB, An exaggerated 5'5 118 lbs.
Costas has been said to be a bit undersized, but his toughness and speed make people forget he is only an exaggerated 5'5. Costas led the NBC TV station league with 12 interceptions and 20 passes defended. If he hadn't missed all 3 games due to an appendix injury, those stats could have been much more impressive. Costas is a smart pick for a team that needs to defend the pass better.
3. Buffalo Bills- Jimmer Fredette, QB, 6'1 190 lbs.
Ryan Fitzpatrick finished the season strong, but he clearly isn't the answer for the ailing Bills. Fredette has the intangibles to become a stud QB in the league. Pretty soon the Bills fans will be saying "It's Jimmer Time!" instead of cupping their hands and going "Boooo, ya'll stank".
4. Cincinatti Bengals- Scott Van Pelt, WR, 6'7, 195 lbs.
Scott Van Pelt (aka Scoot Van Melt) saw his stock soar with a great Senior Bowl performance. Once a projected N/Ath round pick, Van Pelt is now projected to go in the top 10. Van Pelt's height will make him a weapon in the Red Zone, similar to what we saw a few years ago from Manute Bol.
5. Arizona Cardinals- Master Chief, FB, N/A, N/A
The Cardinals need a full back so badly that they are willing to reach for an All-Big Ten selection. Chief was excellent in his bowl game vs The Covenant. His 18 YPC was his most amazing stat, but the downside was he had a rush of 11 yards in the 2nd quarter. I think Scouts will ignore that 11-yard rush and select him anyways.
6. Cleveland Browns- Cleveland Brown, OT, height depends on TV size, 280 lbs.
IDK why, but I think Cleveland Brown would be a good fit in the Cleveland Browns organization. His strength, motor, and mini-fro are what makes up his game. If he can expand his game (maybe add sideburns) and become and even better blocker, Brown could end up in Canton, or maybe just Family Guy.
7. San Francisco 49ers- Dane Cook, Undisclosed position, 6'0 173 lbs.
Cook has remarkable talents, which could help a not only bad, but preverted team (I saw a fan holding up a sign that said "we should be renamed the 69ers"). Cook will be an immediate impact for San Fran. In fact, I predict that in week 1, he will say a funny joke and make Alex Smith laugh so hard he will throw a 4-yard pass. That, my friends, is instant improvement.
8. Tennesee Titans- Stan Van Gundy, LS/Coach, 5'8 240 lbs.
The Titans will make the pick that will turn around their franchise. They get the long snapper that will be such a factor on defense, and also a legit replacement coach for Jeffrey Fisher. The only concern with Van Gundy will be his ability to call plays because of his terrible voice. We'll see what happens.
9. Dallas Cowboys- Kenny Chesney, P, 5'11 176 lbs.
I think Jerry Jones likes the idea of keeping southern prospects at home. Chesney should feel comfortable in Dallas, and just go out their and punt the ball into the scoreboard (that could be a problem. I don't get it, why does Cowboy stadium punish punters who have good hang time?)
10. Washington Redskins- Kanye West, FS, 5'9 177 lbs.
"Yo, Mr. West is in the building". That's what Redskins will be hollerin' if Kanye can make the transition from NCAA to the NFL. If he doesn't make the clean switch and turns into a bust, fans will be saying "Can we get much higher?", referring to their management's state when they drafted West.
11. Houston Texans- Curly Howard, MLB, 6'1 230 lbs.
Howard's thick build and fresh buzz are so attractive. I mean, to NFL scouts. Actually I only meant his thick build. Curly's strength will allow him to cut through defenses and knock the QB on his backside. Just what a team like Houston so badly needs (a complete dumbass).
12. Minnesota Vikings- Taylor Swift, C, 5'7 112 lbs.
History, folks. Yes, the first woman ever selected in the NFL draft. Brett Favre will also make history by retiring and coming back for the record 34783478347878th time. He will file the reinstatment papers the second after the Vikings select this skilled center. And then all of a sudden Favre will start whining about hating shotgun plays. It'll be Jenn Sterger all over again except with Taylor Swift instead.
13. Detroit Lions- The Real Slim Shady, SS, 5'9 165 lbs.
I think The Real Slim Shady would be mighty comfortable in Detroit. But being in Detroit and on the Lions? Now that's something different. Nonetheless, The Real Slim Shady (aka Eminem) should find a way to play well while still being pissed off, cause being pissed is what he does* (or, is*). There are no questions about The Real Slim Shady's talents, just questions like how his name will fit on the back of his jersey.
14. St. Louis Rams- Betty White, H-back, 5'1, 73 lbs.
White will be the steal of the draft, as long as the Rams don't run out of Snickers. I hope Spagnuolo knows that spaghetti and KitKats won't cut it for Betty. If the Rams keep the Patrick Chewings rolling in, White could quickly become the best H-back since Joanna Rivers and Rachel Ray. They were signed as undrafted free agents, so Swift would still be the first woman ever drafted.
15. Miami Dolphins- Shamu, OT/OG, 32'7, 7,172 lbs.
The Dolphins need to get bigger, and they need to start with the offensive line. Shamu is such a smart pick, but has one liabilty...it must come out after every play to take a water break (WTF?). Having your best lineman only playing half of the offensive snaps isn't ideal, but the Dolphins would be willing to draft their cousin anyways.
16. Jacksonville Jaguars- Simon Cowell, QB, 6'2 210 lbs.
Admit it Jags fans ( for the purpose of this post I'll pretend Jaguars fans exist), David Garrard is getting a little old. Why not bring in a confused quarterback to coach up, so he can replace Garrard in a few years? Cowell could help the Jags out in future drafts with his eye for talent. His marvelous hair might even attract some fans to the stadium to support the team. Or maybe the smell of stadium hotdogs would attract fans better.
17. New England Patriots (from OAK)- Uncle Sam, DE/OLB, 5'13 232 lbs.
OK, let me just get this out. The only reason I have Uncle Sam going to the Pats is because all the other mocks do. I really don't get the logic in this pick at all, though. Uncle Sam doesn't seem like a good fit for the Patriots in any way. Am I the only one that doesn't see it? Plus, NE already has Super-Bowl MVP and reigning Defensive POY Rob Ninkovich at OLB. With Fed-Ex Ninkos, who else do you need?
18. San Diego Chargers- Zeus, Spec. Teams Player, 6'6 240 lbs.
The Chargers are near the top of the league in both Offensive and Defensive statistics. So why were they only 9-7? Ask the Special teams unit. They....hmm....how do I put this?........Sucked! Against the Al Davis-struck Raiders, the Chargers let 2 punts get blocked if I'm not mistaken. Zeus is a god on special teams, and could really use that godliness to make the whole unit better.
19. New York Giants- Earl Boykins, OT, 5'5 133 lbs.
The Giants really struggle with pass-protection, among other things. But mainly pass protection. They need to beef up the line with some real, big talent. Earl Boykins (will be draft eligible after the All-star break of the NBA season) has jaw-dropping size that the Giants need so badly. NYG needs to live up the their name the "Giants" by getting some Giants.
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers- E*Trade Baby, TE, 3'5 34 lbs.
The Buccaneers have a young team, and why not keep it young? If they want to do that, they could seriously youthenize their team even more with a 2-year old. They also would be preparing for the future. They would be insured at TE until 2035. And they would also have the opportunity to trade this younger via E*trade for some draft picks so they can get more babies.
21. Kansas City Chiefs- Jerry Sloan, RB, 6'0 215 lbs.
The Chiefs don't have alot of needs, but one of them is definitely running back. Although they have a youngster in Thomas Jones, Jammaal Charles is old and washed up, and he was never any good in the first place. Charles was like last in the league in yards per carry. With this pick, the Chiefs address a need at running back and get a proven 23-year vet who has something left in the tank.
Tell me what you think.
No disrespect to any organizations I made fun of, I'm just having fun and yanking your chain a little. I know the Jags have fans I just said that because (I think it was 2009), they had like the lowest attendance in the league
No disrespect to any of these organizations I made fun of, just having a little fun.