Yes, the title is misleading, and no, I do not like the music of the guy I just made a pun on.
Anywho, this is just another mock draft - half serious, half stupidity. Feedback is welcomed. Enjoy.
Wouldn't go this route if I were Marty Hurney, but the Panthers need leadership and a new face of the franchise, and Newton will bring both.
2) Denver Broncos - Marcell Dareus, DT - Alabama
He'll anchor Denver's atrocious D-line and help re-invigorate a defense that missed Elvis Dumervil badly last year.
3) Buffalo Bills - Von Miller, OLB - Texas A&M
Buffalo's linebacking corps was so bad that they signed a half-ready Shawne Merriman to try to help out. Miller will bring dignity to that group.
4) Cincinnati Bengals - A.J. Green, WR - Georgia
So yes, they need a quarterback, but why get a top QB who won't have anyone to throw to? Green will be a weapon to whoever Cincy grabs later on.
5) Arizona Cardinals - Patrick Peterson, CB - LSU
Arizona selects the BPA and strengthens their secondary. Peterson and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie will be a great duo.
6) Cleveland Browns - Julio Jones, WR - Alabama
The Browns get a bit desperate here and reach for Julio to make Colt McCoy's life more Cu-lio (rimshot!)
7) San Francisco 49ers - Blaine Gabbert, QB - Missouri
Jim Harbaugh gets his man. 49ers fans rejoice. Alex Smith mopes.
8) Tennessee Titans - Nick Fairley, DT - Auburn
The Titans have missed Fat Albert over the past few seasons. Fairley will make those thoughts disappear.
9) Dallas Cowboys - Prince Amukumara, CB - Nebraska
Sorry, Jerry, but yes, you do need secondary help.
10) Washington Redskins - Robert Quinn, DE - North Carolina
Well, they need defense. And a pass rush. Defense + pass rush = Robert Quinn. Class dismissed.
11) Houston Texans - Aldon Smith, DE - Missouri
No secondary prospects worth snagging here. Might as well pass rush the crap out of opponents!
12) Minnesota Vikings - Da'Quan Bowers, DE - Clemson
Knee problems + Ray Edwards leaving = Minnesooooooooooooota!
13) Detroit Lions - Tyron Smith, OT - USC
Lions fans, face it - you can take a defensive prospect here, but if you can't protect your tens of millions of dollars QB, then you're pretty screwed.
14) St. Louis Rams - Mark Ingram, RB - Alabama
Stevie Wonder Jackson may be 28, but he's a bit overworked, no?
15) Miami Dolphins - Jake Locker, QB - Washington
Chad Henne. Class dismissed.
16) Jacksonville Jaguars - Cameron Jordan, DE - Cal
Well, they need a pass rush...and sacks...
17) New England Patriots - Gabe Carimi, OT - Wisconsin
Because you can never have too many white guys with good facial hair potential on the Patriots' offensive line.
18) San Diego Chargers - J.J. Watt, DE - Wisconsin
Chargers get Watt. Anyone get the reference?
19) New York Giants - Anthony Castonzo, OT - Boston College
Another guy to protect Manning III.
20) Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Ryan Kerrigan, DE - Purdue
He'll look nice with Gerald McCoy. If only his name was Hatfield...
21) Kansas City Chiefs - Phil Taylor, DT - Baylor
He's big and stuff. Approved!
22) Indianapolis Colts - Derek Sherrod, OT - Miss St.
Manning II had to run a lot last year.
23) Philadelphia Eagles - Jimmy Smith, CB - Colorado
He should look nice alongside Asante Samuel.
24) New Orleans Saints - Justin Houston, DE - Georgia
I thought about mocking a Spanish-dish named player here to replace Scott Fajita...Fujita, but to no avail.
25) Seattle Seahawks - Ryan Mallett, QB - Arkansas
Clipboard Jesus shall remain Clipboard-y.
26) Baltimore Ravens - Nate Solder, OT - Colorado
One huge guy possibly steps in for another huge guy (Jared Gaither).
27) Atlanta Falcons - Mike Pouncey, C - Florida
Interior lineman is a need, and Matty Ice needs to keep his face intact. You know, for the Gillette commercials.
28) New England Patriots - Cameron Heyward, DE - Ohio State
Bill Belichick meets Son of Ironman. Sounds like a Hollywood blockbuster to me.
29) Chicago Bears - Corey Liuget, DT - Illinois
No offensive linesman worth snagging here, so Da Bears get a Tommie Harris replacement.
30) New York Jets - Muhammad Wilkerson, DE - Temple
31) Pittsburgh Steelers - Brandon Harris, CB - Miami (FL)
A good defense gets better. And I cry.
32) Green Bay Packers - Akeem Ayers, OLB - UCLA
Who doesn't like a guy that has the name Akeem?