Florida Marlins: MLB's Ultimate Hipster Team

MIAMI GARDENS, FL - APRIL 26: Hanley Ramirez #2 and Chris Coghlan #8 of the Florida Marlins are congratulated after scoring during a game against the Los Angeles Dodgers at Sun Life Stadium on April 26, 2011 in Miami Gardens, Florida. (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)

Everybody's familiar with the term "hipster", and the average person uses it upwards of four times a day. While "hipster" itself is a tricky word to define, you can spot a hipster when you see one, and they tend to have a number of characteristics in common.

Now, while hipsters are most frequently associated with the music scene, it isn't hard to imagine them dipping their feet into the pool of professional sports. And were they to do that tomorrow, I think we'd find that the overwhelming majority of them would latch on to the Florida Marlins. Why are the Marlins the most hipster-friendly team in America?

Let's take it point by point.

(1) They're frequently performing

There are few things a music-loving hipster loves more than getting a ticket to a live show, and the Marlins play at least 162 live shows a year, in venues around the country. You just can't get the same connection watching them on TV or hearing them on the radio.

(2) They're talented

What is a hipster but a snob? You might not have noticed but the Marlins are currently 15-8, half a game back of the Phillies and one game back of the best record in the league. And they've been at least a decent team seemingly forever. Hipsters don't fall in love with just anybody. They've got high standards for their devotion.

Hipster 1: Yeah so the Marlins are pretty much amazing
Hipster 2: Yeah they're like the best team
Hipster 1: So great live
Hipster 2: So much better live than the Red Sox

(3) They're low budget

The Marlins had one of the lowest Opening Day payrolls in the league, as they always do. No bells and whistles here. There's nothing about them that feels store-bought or corporate or manufactured. They're just an alt group of guys that's less about the money and the glitz and more about the actual baseball.

(4) They're unpopular

Marlinsattendance_medium

With the Marlins, hipsters could feel like they discovered a team on their own. They're not anywhere on the casual baseball fan's radar, even after they put out killer albums in 1997 and 2003. Hipsters could talk about how awesome the Marlins are in their own hipster circles without having to hear everybody else's uninformed opinions on them at the coffee shop or on the radio, and without having to search hard for tickets, and they could forever say they knew them before they blew up.

(5) They're environmentally conscious

Marlinsenvironment_medium

The only thing hipsters love more than themselves and their entertainment is planet Earth, and here we see the Marlins have a relationship with Bagster, which seems like it's pretty green. The website certainly has a lot of green on it. Plus, the Marlins' upcoming new ballpark will be the first LEED-certified stadium in the country. Sustainable entertainment!

(6) Their colors work really well with those cheap awful plastic '80s sunglasses

Ugglaglasses_medium

Hipster bait.

(7) They're going to sell out

The Marlins are moving into a new stadium in 2012. It's going to be expensive, and beautiful, and popular, and everybody's going to want to see it. The new stadium will bring the Marlins more attention, and the attention will bring the Marlins more money, and in a short amount of time there stands a good chance that the Marlins will become a normal baseball team with a decent-sized fan base, instead of the low-budget indie club it's been for so many years. And we all know there are few things a hipster loves doing more than complaining about how the group he loved got too big and sold out. Buying into the Marlins now would give a hipster guaranteed satisfaction in the present, and a different sort of guaranteed satisfaction in the future. Hipsters love what's doomed to grow.

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