Kentucky Derby 2011 Contenders: Archarcharch, A Party On Horseshoes

Name: Archarcharch. Possibly the only Derby contender with a typo for a name. Note: never name horses when you've had too much coffee. 

Description: Robust and un-pedigreed? Call him the Michael Caine of the group so far, since he's steady, good for the distance, and despite the unspectacular bloodlines could place himself among the great nobility of his profession. He's an Arkansas Derby winner, has excellent closing ability when he's reined in, and probably could carry off a Cockney accent and thick-rimmed eyeglasses with aplomb. The stylish high-value blue-collar horse, if you will, of this Derby Field. 

He also sounds, um, ready to party?

"He got here early enough that he got acclimated to the weather. By being here early I think it helps a lot. He just loves Churchill Downs. He feels ready to party; he’s ready to dance to any kind of music. He can dance.”

And a revision: we may have the Michael Caine of horses, or we may have the Andrew W.K. of horses, since he likes to party, dance, and will dance to any music. (He can't mean dubstep when he says "any music," though. This looks really unsafe for people, much less an animal with four knees to potentially break.)

The downside of being the party horse is that you might party too hard, flame out early, and then end up at home on the couch nursing some Alka-Seltzer and orange juice the next morning with a splitting headache. Archarcharch does tend to go a bit too fast on the backstretch, and could end up stuck in the pack at Churchill Downs if he's not kept in check, especially given the pattern of racing that's been successful in the Derby recently.

Likes: Partying. People who like to party. Party supplies, but not crepe paper, because when that stuff gets wet it sticks to things like nothing you've ever seen in your life. They should really make buildings out of it.

Dislikes: People who don't like to party, downers, haters, and bouncers. Always gotta have some beef with the triple Arch because he's on the Party Wagon, and they're just stuck on burros wishing they were bound for the same sweet spot on the Oregon Trail of Partying. Go take your Jack3d and let ol' Arch have his party in peace, hater.

Current Odds: 10/1 to win. 1/1 of PARTY, though, and if you can't do math that's like a billion percent certainty. (Horses can't do math.)

Celebrity Lookalike: Andrew W.K., if only in spirit.

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