20. Fan drops someone else's baseball, own child
(Via our own Grant Brisbee)
Among all the sappy "baseball is what we pass down to our children," and "baseball is how we bond with our children" sentiment, let us also remember that baseball has the power to make us forget we even have children to begin with. "I’m dropping you because my instincts are compelling me to catch this thing I could buy at a Target for three dollars. Smell you later, offspring!"
19. Sports by Scott Brooks
The Thunder’s exit from the NBA Playoffs ultimately came down to this play. Coach Scott Brooks was calling for the play that calls for everyone to wildly flail their limbs around. In the heat of the moment, Russell Westbrook mistook "flail" for "fail" and proceeded accordingly.
With his team’s playoff run over, Westbrook has nothing to do but await yet another season in which he a) makes smart basketball people mad, b) makes dumb basketball people like me like him because he scores points, and c) looks straight-up like Bodie Broadus from The Wire.
18. A.J. Pierzynski does the Secret Service's work for them
(Suggested by @twoeightnine)
17. The Daily Stamkos
Steven Stamkos of the Tampa Bay Lightning was hit directly in the face by six ounces of frozen vulcanized rubber that was probably traveling upwards of 80 miles per hour. He left the ice with a broken nose and was spurting blood all over himself, only to return minutes later while wearing a full face shield. I doubt it was for his protection, because Hell, the horse had already left the barn. I think it was for my protection, because I couldn’t bear to look.
It’s a helpful reminder of an important truth: athletes, especially hockey players, are tough sons of guns, and in comparison I am a giant sheltered baby. The other night, a moth flew into my face and I spent the next five minutes completely flipping out and throwing things across my living room in a hilariously inept effort to kill it. A F***ING MOTH.
16. Felix Pie attempts to celebrate as perhaps a human being would celebrate
(Via our own Jeff Sullivan)
HELLO! MY NAME IS FELIX PIE! CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR HOME RUN AND/OR TOUCHDOWN! I HOPE THE REST OF YOUR DAY IS A REAL “SLAM DUNK SHOT”! (sings “Happy Birthday,” begins jerky protraction of limbs, short-circuits, catches fire)