The best names in MLB Draft history

David Manning-USA TODAY Sports

Another week, another power rankings, and this one is designed to get you ready for the 2011 MLB Draft. It's just like the NFL Draft, except you will never, ever see these players play. Well, about 2 percent of them, maybe, but only for the first few rounds. Excitement! But if a less-exciting draft is the cost of following a game that can't end in a tie, I'm all for it.

This week's rankings is based on awesome names throughout draft history, split into six categories. Most of them are obvious, with the wild card as a place for the names that were awesome on their own.

It should be noted that I didn't include awesome names from athletes who made it in other sports, like Bimbo Coles, Lawyer Malloy, or "Dan" Marino. Also, these are only players who did not make the majors, so no Callix Crabbe or Stubby Clapp

To tally the rankings, each name has a 1-10 score next to it, and the totals were added up. This is all about science after all.

1. Seattle Mariners - 52 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Hawkeye Wayne
RHP 1999 (10)
Gar Finnvold
RHP - 1987 (10)
Rod Hudson
C - 1978 (7)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Randy Newman
LHP - 1982 (7)
Austin Bibens-Dirkx
RHP - 2006 (10)
Salvy Urbo
LHP - 1990 (8)

This is how it's done. Great options from top to bottom, including a name that would make Harry Caray sound like he was trying to swallow a fire extinguisher. And if Randy Newman isn't your thing, the Mariners also drafted Keith Law in 1995.

2. New York Yankees - 51 points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Darren Bowleg
LHP - 1994 (8)
Graham Stoneburner
RHP - 2009 (8)
Richard Buff
SS - 1966 (10)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Dick Clark
C -1970 (8)
Atheophilus Jermany
RHP - 1967 (10)
Pop Popplewell
RHP - 1987 (7)

The Yankees have used awesome names as the secret fuel behind their championship jets. You know that Dick Clark would have caught until he was 80, too.

3. Baltimore Orioles - 50 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Lloyd Lightfoot - SS - 1968 (8) Chorye Spoone - RHP - 2005 (6) Randy Butts - 1B - 1984 (10)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Don Henley - OF - 1972 (7) Ntema Ndungidi - OF -1997 (10) Denver Kitch - SS - 2004 (9)

Solid draft history from the O's, as there wasn't even room for Quash Thompson (RHP, 1965) or Errect Ridley (OF, 1973).

4. Cincinnati Reds - 50 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Tad Venger
3B - 1977 (7)
Tucker Hammargren
1B - 1990 (7)
Lester Fulleylove
LHP - 1965 (9)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Paul Simon
OF - 1967 (9)
Ocfuske King
RHP - 2002 (10)
Rommel Motley
OF -1993 (8)

Motley might be the name with the best back story. If he would have made it, he would have had one of the best nicknames in history: The Desert Fox. And if he ever played for the Diamondbacks? Oh, man.

5. Pittsburgh Pirates - 49 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Jeff Necessary
SS - 1984 (10)
Garland Slaughter
OF - 1986 (9)
Chick Valley
1B - 1977 (9)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Rob Thomas
LHP - 1995 (2)
Cache Breedlove
3B - 2006 (9)
Jett Metz
RHP - 1979 (10)


Is there anything that Rob Thomas can't ruin? The Pirates were on their way to history. I mean, Jett Metz!

6. Los Angeles Dodgers - 49 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Thaddeus Philyaw
OF - 1971 (8)
Gaither Bagsby
RHP - 1988 (10)
Buff White - LHP
1972 (9)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Larry King
RHP - 1967 (8)
Radford Mawhinney
OF - 1966 (7)
Twaino Moss
OF - 1992 (7)


Los Angeles also had Bill Murray. Of course they did. They also drafted Mark Sweeney, Robert Sweeney, and Roger Sweeney in the 1990 draft. Someone had Sweeneys on their mind. Must have been lunchtime.

7. Oakland Athletics - 49 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Bubba Scarce
RHP - 1994 - (6)
Jarvis Redwine
OF - 1976 (6)
Tom Conquest
RHP - 1982 (10)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Reggie Sanders (SELECTION VOIDED)
OF - 1967 (5)
Blase Sparma
RHP -1988 - (7)
Augusta Massingill
SS -1968 (15 out of 10)


It should have been impossible to award more than ten points in any category. Exceptions were made for Augusta Massingill, the greatest name in the history of the Rule 4 Draft. Also, Reggie Sanders' selection was voided because he was hurt. Just a guess.

8. Toronto Blue Jays - 48 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Rusty Rightmire
RHP - 1982 (7)
Aric Van Gaalen
LHP - 2003 (10)
Randy Dicken
OF - 2002 (10)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Robert Smith
RHP - 1984 (5)
Zephaniah Zinsman
1B - 2002 (7)
Bubbie Buzachero
RHP - 2002 (9)


The Blue Jays drafted three different right-handed pitchers named Rusty between 1982 and 1993. You just know that's going to be part of a Final Jeopardy answer one day.

9. San Diego Padres - 48 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Raymie Styons
C - 1980 (5)
Darius Gash
OF - 1990 (7)
Mobil Cox
SS - 1978 (9)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
James Joyce
C - 1989 (9)
Nacho Bracamontes
LHP - 1968 (10)
Beamer Weems
SS - 2008 (8)


Nacho is the best Harry Caray name. Caray saying that name is what the phones in Heaven have as their ringtone. Also, the Padres made an offer to Joyce, but he responded with a counteroffer that ran 193,158 words and was completely indecipherable. He didn't sign.

10. Kansas City Royals - 48 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Les Strode
LHP - 1980 (8)
Sherard Clinkscales
RHP - 1992 (8)
Xavier Dixson
OF - 1973 (9)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
James Woods
C - 1997 (8)
Torreahno Sweet
OF -1989 (7)
Randy Goodenough
LHP - 1985 (8)


If baseball careers had tombstones, poor Randy's epitaph would just be "He really wasn't."

11. Boston Red Sox - 47 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Rock Shoulders - C - 2010 (10) Trygg Danforth - 1B - 2010 (7) Ferrari Miller - OF - 2000 (8)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Christopher Cross - C - 1967 (5) Wayne Fuzzard - LHP - 1965 (9) H.B. Awkard - OF - 1989 (8)


If not for the yacht rock of Chris Cross, the Red Sox could have sailed away with it all.

12. Texas Rangers - 47 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Bucky Buckles
RHP - 1994 (10)
Ian Gac
1B - 2003 (6)
Ronnie Corona
RHP - 1998 (8)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
James Van Der Beek
RHP - 1971 (8)
Kenneth Pokryfke
LHP - 2002 (6)
Cecil De Fla Strawn
C - 1978 (9)


The Van Der Beek pull was probably the most unusual celebrity name, but that must be like the "Jones" of Holland.

13. San Francisco Giants - 47 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Harlan Highfill
RHP - 1972 (8)
Wynter Phoenix
OF - 1996 (8)
Everhard Griffiths
RHP - 1992 (8)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
John Hughes
LHP - 1982 (7)
Jose Basterrechea
RHP - 1968 (7)
Van Fixico
2B - 1967 (9)


If the scores were arranged by median scores, they'd be higher. Solid class. Also, Van Fixico.

14. Houston Astros - 47 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Destry Westbrook
RHP - 1997 - (9)
Edward Earlywine
2B - 1965 - (7)
Kim Seaman
LHP - 1975 - (8)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Mike Patton
RHP - 1984 - (8)
Jjallil Sandoval
SS - 2001 - (8)
Perry Berry
2B - 1990 - (7)


The Astros must have had, like, one scout in the ‘70s, because they’d usually check out after about 15 rounds. Interesting strategy.

15. Milwaukee Brewers - 46 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Zelous Wheeler
3B - 2007 (8)
Deik Scram
OF - 2004 (6)
Bobby Fingers
RH - 1983 (7)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Ray Liotta
RHP - 2001 (9)
Todd Incantalupo
LHP - 1997 (7)
Talmadge Tanks
1B - 1974 (9)


Actually, it's more likely that Ray Liotta played a character named "Bobby Fingers" in an R-rated movie. Close enough.

16. New York Mets - 46 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Earskine Kelley
SS - 1989 (8)
Garrick Hattiwanger
OF - 1996 (6)
Petey Paramore
C - 2005 (6)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Steve McQueen
SS - 1977 (10)
Von Opolous
LHP - 1969 (8)
John Metasavage
3B - 1982 (8)


Pretty good class held down by the fantasy/film thing. There wasn't even room for Greg Boos (RHP, 1974), Englebert Bull (OF, 1990), or Damien Magnifico (RHP, 2009)

17. Detroit Tigers - 46 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Cade Gaspar
RHP - 1994 (7)
Clausal Milord
OF - 1995 (9)
Vince Bigone
3B - 1965 (9)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
John Mayer
LHP - 1966 (6)
Thaddous McBurrows
LHP - 2004 (6)
Kodiak Quick
RHP - 2006 (9)


Baseball Reference had an entry for War1ren Trott in the1998 draft. You might think that's a typo, but I'd like to think he was a robot, and his disqualification from MLB is the greatest story never told.

18. Tampa Bay Rays - 46 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Woods Fines
RHP - 2004 (7)
Griffin Zarbough
LHP - 2000 (9)
Brian Packin
1B - 1996 (8)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
James Brown
RHP - 2006 (8)
Chadwick Cossette
C 1998 (6)
Chad Coward
RHP - 2000 (8)


There's no way that a manager would ever make Chad Coward a closer. It's a shame, but can you blame them? Some guys just don't have the mental makeup to close. Like, cowards.

19. Los Angeles Angels - 45 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Judge Tassone
2B - 1972 - (9)
Gar Vallone
SS - 1995 - (6)
Tymber Lee
RHP - 2000 - (9)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Will Smith
LHP - 2008 - (6)
Gary Wormelduff
RHP - 1965 - (7)
Brandy Bengoechea
SS - 1992 - (8)


Brandy Bengoechea is not to be confused with Kiki Bengochea, who was drafted twice. Because "Mark" Bengochea or "James" Bengoechea would just be ridiculous, right?

20. Atlanta Braves - 45 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Marshall Justice
RHP - 1974 (10)
Ja'Rad Hunt
2B - 1990 (8)
Gary Knuckles
3B - 1970 (6)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Adam Smith
RHP -1973 (4)
Riaan Spanjer-Furstenburg
1B - 2009 (10)
Fabien Mang
LHP - 1966 (7)


Not a single player from the 1981 Braves draft made the majors.

21. Florida Marlins - 45 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Swan Austin
RHP - 1995 (9)
Sequoyah Stonecipher
LF - 2009 (6)
Kerthatis Lovely
OF - 1995 (6)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
James Woods
OF - 1992 (8)
Gooby Gerlits
C - 2001 (10)
Wayman Gooch
RHP - 2008 (6)


Okay, maybe Gooby Gerlits is as good as Nacho Bracamonte. Just seeing the name "Gooby Gerlits" is what gave me the idea to include the Caray category.

22. Cleveland Indians - 44 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Rock Weeks
C - 1973 (8)
Limbric Windham
OF - 1980 (9)
Thomas Van Tiger
OF - 1991 (5)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Tom Clancy
RHP - 1979 (8)
Jay Ray Rokey
OF - 1967 (7)
Pork Chop Pough
RHP - 1988 (7)


MLB would collapse under the weight of the puns if Clancy ever pitched for a Reds team during a pennant race.

23. Minnesota Twins - 44 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Shooter Hunt
RHP - 2008 (7)
Eammon Portice
RHP - 2004 (6)
Paul Commando
C - 1968 (8)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Reggie Jackson
LHP - 1989 (7)
Wade Wacker
SS - 1987 (8)
Jim Pancake
C - 1983 (8)


Fact: 23% of the Twins’ 1986 draft class were players named Michael or Mike.

24. Arizona Diamondbacks - 42 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Clint Goocher
LHP - 2002 (6)
Khari Council
1B - 2000 (5)
Houston Summers
C - 2005 (10)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
John Adams
OF -1997 (6)
Kawika Emsley-Pai
C - 2010 (8)
Tutu Moye
SS - 1997 (6)


There's an inherent disadvantage with these rankings when it comes to expansion teams. They did pretty well, considering. It must be tough being named after an unlucky series of coin flips.

25. Colorado Rockies - 42 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Mudcat Brewer
OF - 1994 (9)
Bryce Coppieters
OF - 1999 (5)
Rusty Puffinharger
C - 1994 (6?)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Chris Cooper
2B - 1993 (7)
Torry Zerilla
SS - 1992 (8)
David Groseclose
SS - 1995 (7)


See above. At least this one makes me think about Lone Star and The Bourne Identity.

26. Washington Nationals - 42 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Cord Corbitt
LHP - 1988 - (8)
Embry Pendarvis
SS - 1970 (5)
Randy Toogood
C - 1974 (6)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Stephen King
SS - 2006 (8)
Orval Vickery
RHP - 1969 (6)
Lawrence Groover
LHP - 1972 (9)


The Expos/Nationals have drafted three different players named Steve King or Stephen King.

27. St. Louis Cardinals - 41 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Brad Beanblossom
SS 1990 (5)
Doak Wishon
OF - 1990 (5)
Jean-Paul Gentleman
SS - 1987 (10)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Randy Rhodes
2B - 1975 (10)
Basil Shabazz
OF - 1991 (6)
Jaqua Moon
RHP - 1999 (5)


Easiest "10" of the rankings: Jean-Paul Gentleman, mostly because it could have fit at every category except famous person, and that's ridiculous because there should be a famous person named Jean-Paul Gentleman.

28. Chicago White Sox - 40 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Twain Freeman
RHP - 1982 (6)
Nathander Pettaway
1B - 1968 (7)
Alfonso Mounts
OF - 1997 (9)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Robert Palmer
C - 1973 (6)
Terry Winkelhake
C - 1983 (7)
Kinnis Pledger
OF - 1987 (5)


With both the White Sox and Cubs ...

29. Chicago Cubs - 39 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Vee Hightower
OF - 1993 (6)
Daron Mooneyharn
SS - 1991 (5)
Elvatous Peters
OF - 1966 (9)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Ryan Lewis/Tyler Clark
(back-to-back picks in 2007) (8)
Elby Bushong
C - 1966 (6)
Roark Birsner
RHP - 1994 (5)


... there were so, so many Jones Smiths and John Jones and Brad Thompsons and Rick Andersons. Boring name after boring name. It was like a Chicago conspiracy. Though for this one I'm imagining that "elvatous" is a really suggestive adjective.

30. Philadelphia Phillies - 38 total points

Character in a '50s Western Fantasy Novel Character Actor/Actress in Adult Film
Preston Underdown
2B - 2000 (6)
Roger Rodeheaver
1B - 1998 (6)
Kenneth Bangsberg
LHP - 1967 (5)
Famous Person
You'd pay to hear Harry
Caray pronounce this name
Wild Card
Charlie Brown
OF - 1965 (5)
Butch Baccala
RHP - 1983 (7)
Adolph Crump
C - 1981 (9)


For a last-place ranking, these are still pretty good, but there's nothing that stands out that much, though I'd definitely watch a mystery series on BBC about Adolph Crump.

The draft supplies the world's greatest game with its players, but it also shares the greatest names in the world with future generations. What name will be the most awesome of the 2011 draft?

Also, the first person I see rocking an Augusta Massingill A's jersey will have his or her drinks paid for alllll night.

previous Power Rankings:

5/31 - Team logos

5/24 - Annoying people

5/17 - Song titles

5/10 - Hair metal bands

5/3 - Sitcom locations

4/24 - Team names

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.