Our first round concludes with National League captain Prince Fielder, who immediately starts launching ceiling shots that make me legitimately concerned for all the pre-teens and teenagers running around the outfield. They clearly have absolutely no idea how to track and catch a baseball, and now they have a gigantic slugging first baseman sending balls 200 feet directly over their heads. One of these balls is going to fall and cave something in. Something that should never be caved.
I desperately had to cut a run to the water closet - fruit punch Gatorade! - and while I was away, Fielder's round concluded with five home runs. Which means we have drama! Because Fielder, David Ortiz and Matt Holliday have now tied for third and fourth place. The three of them will thus enter a swing-off, which is like a mini-round in which they each get five swings. Gotta do this by the book.
The swing-off results:
- Two home runs for Matt Holliday, further proving that he absolutely sucks at this
- Four home runs for David Ortiz, who moves on
- Five home runs for Fielder. Five home runs on five swings, with a few of them being impossibly massive. Fielder's swing-off round is probably the most impressive and entertaining round we'll see all night so we might as well call it quits now.
Holliday: just quit, you embarrass everyone