(Click image to view. Via @bubbaprog)
PAT BARRY'S ARM. Hi, you must be Mr. Kongo. (outstretches self)
CHIECK KONGO. Um, hello. I was... supposed to be in a fight with Mr. Barry.
PAT BARRY'S ARM. Oh! Yes, he's unavailable at the moment. You kind of knocked the God out of him. But apparently I'm still working. What can I do for you?
CHIECK KONGO. Fight, I guess.
PAT BARRY'S ARM. Can do! (throws punch, misses)
CHIECK KONGO. Look, could you just get Mr. Barry for me?
PAT BARRY'S ARM. He, uh... okay, one moment. Let me check the messages.
CHIECK KONGO. Sure.
PAT BARRY'S ARM. Okay, he's currently in a foreign world. He says there are rapidly flying shapes. And music.
CHIECK KONGO. Goodness.
PAT BARRY'S ARM. He describes it as "the opening credits to Saved by the Bell, except Kal Daniels never existed."
CHIECK KONGO. What does that have to do with anything? It wouldn't be any different.
PAT BARRY'S ARM. "It is way different."
CHIECK KONGO. Maybe I'm discounting the impact Kal Daniels had made on the universe.
PAT BARRY'S ARM. I can honestly say that I've never heard anyone say that before.
CHIECK KONGO. You are a person's arm.
PATRICE BERGERON. Hey, want to do a fight?
ALEX BURROWS. Yeah! Let's do a fight
REFEREE. Hold on, you guys. First, we had Marchard punching Sedin while Sedin just stood there. Then we had Lapierre just waving his hand in front of Bergeron's face. I'm not entirely convinced that anyone on either team knows what a fight actually is. Now, are you two going to actually fight, or what?
BERGERON. Yes. We're going to do a fight.
REFEREE. All right then. Fight!
BURROWS. (slowly begins chewing Bergeron's glove)
REFEREE. ARE YOU S***TING ME
BERGERON. Ha! He's eating me! It's like I'm a piece of toast! Look at me, I'm a piece of toast! Boop beep boop boop!
REFEREE. WHY ARE YOU MAKING COMPUTER NOISES, TOAST DOESN'T MAKE NOISE
BERGERON. It's... it was... supposed to be toast from the future.
REFEREE. Hey! Hey. Don't cry. Come on. Please don't cry. I'm sorry.
KEN BURNS. Welp! Time to start putting together The 11th Inning! Suppose I'd better pull up some footage! There. Now play it in slow motion! And there we--WHAT
KEN BURNS. HOLY S*** IS THAT HOW BASEBALL HAS WORKED ALL THIS TIME??? Oh wow. Oh wow, I need to stop freaking out. (dials George Will)
GEORGE WILL. Hello?
KEN BURNS. Hello, yes, George, this is Ken Burns. You won't believe what I just saw. I pulled up some footage of Troy Tulowitzki batting, and the baseball--
GEORGE WILL. Baseball! Baseball is a wonderful sport. The grass is green, and that is why it is great.
KEN BURNS. Yeah but
GEORGE WILL. In my opinion, baseball is the greatest sport that has ever existed. In fact, it is the only sport that has ever existed.
KEN BURNS. Okay but
GEORGE WILL. Who wants to play football, with that manic division of labor, that chaotic clash of helmets and pads?
KEN BURNS. Hey could you just
GEORGE WILL. I think that everyone who does not like baseball should go to prison.
(Via River Avenue Blues)
JOE GIRARDI. What the Hell just happened?
CLUBHOUSE MANAGER. I have no idea.
GIRARDI. Are some of the lights out? Is there low visibility or something? Is the ball wet?
CLUBHOUSE MANAGER. Not that I can tell.
GIRARDI. Was there anything weird about that baseball?
CLUBHOUSE MANAGER. Oh. Actually, the umpire ran out of baseballs and we didn't have any more in the clubhouse, so I just took one of those bouncing dots that appear above lyrics in sing-along songs and gave it to him.
GIRARDI. Which song did you take it from?
CLUBHOUSE MANAGER. One of those Tom Waits songs where he just hits a piece of sheet metal with a tire iron and screams something about a barfing dog with mud and barf all over him.
GIRARDI. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
AARON LAFFEY. That's it! We gotta do something. It's at that point of the night. If we don't do something now, nothing's happening tonight.
MIGUEL OLIVO. Okay, yeah. Umm... we could go to Lucky's.
IAN DESMOND. uh guys we're playing baseball
UMPIRE. I think there's a cover there tonight.
MIGUEL OLIVO. God! It's like there's a cover every time I go up there, and it's always for some shitty band nobody cares about.
AARON LAFFEY. The 32nd Bar, maybe?
MIGUEL OLIVO. What are their taps like?
IAN DESMOND. hey c'mon guys let's just play baseball c'mon
UMPIRE. Last time I went there it was like...Schlafly, and Oberon, and then just Guinness and Bud Light and stuff.
AARON LAFFEY. Does Oberon taste different this year to you guys? I swear it was awesome, like, two summers ago, but it's like they keep changing the recipe or something.
UMPIRE. Yeah. I don't know, if I'm gonna drink a Bell's, it'll pretty much always be Two Hearted.
MIGUEL OLIVO. Two Hearted's an awesome beer. Maybe I've just had too much of it. I don't know.
AARON LAFFEY. Actually, you know what? Prague's has a few Southern Tiers on tap. Or at least they did a few days ago.
IAN DESMOND. guys, seriously, come on, it's the seventh inning, there's more baseball to play
MIGUEL OLIVO. Did they have the 2X?
AARON LAFFEY. Can't remember. I know they had some Three Floyds stuff too, though.
UMPIRE. Tell me they have Gumball Head.
AARON LAFFEY. They didn't have Gumball Head. I guess you have to deal with the right distributor, and none of the distributors in this state can get it, or something.
IAN DESMOND. what the hell, guys? like 20,000 people came to see us play. we're on the diamond. right now. this is the dumbest conversation.
UMPIRE. I swear to God. I don't get why state lines even come into play. It's like Prohibition, only with good beer.
MIGUEL OLIVO. Okay guys! That's it! We're getting up and leaving. We're going to 32nd.
UMPIRE. All right.
AARON LAFFEY. Yep!
IAN DESMOND. damn it you guys