Baseball Quietly Achieves A Dream Of The Future

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It didn't generate a lot of media attention, but somewhere along the line, the Pacific Coast League started playing baseball on the moon. This is amazing!

When I was a kid, I had all the same visions of what the future would be like as everyone else. Maybe it was a little skewed, because I was a huge fan of The Rocketeer (and still am! It's awesome!), but I figured that, by the turn of the millennium, we'd have our flying cars. We'd have our personal jetpacks, and our tandem jetpacks. We'd have cures for every disease, and robots as servants, and lasers to shoot at things instead of bullets. And of course we'd have settlements on the moon. When I was a kid, I was certain the future was going to be badass. Everything would be shiny and sleek, and no one would die unless they got hit by a hover-car or shot by a laser.

It's 2011 now, and I'm arguably not a kid anymore. We're well into the new millennium. The future isn't what I hoped it would be. Our cars are still on the ground. People still move around on their feet like suckers. Diseases still kill us like all the time, the most advanced robot I've ever seen plays soccer like an idiot, and we still shoot bullets at things - very commonly at people. Some things are better now than they were, but other things are not, and all in all, I'd have to say that Kid Jeff would be disappointed by our present.

Or at least, Kid Jeff would've been disappointed by my understanding of what our present day reality was a few days ago. A few days ago, I thought the present day was kind of lame. But since then, something's come to my attention. Something interesting. Something amazing.

I discovered it the way I discover everything - by screwing around on Baseball-Reference. I was on Chris Davis' page, and I was curious about how he's done this year in the minors. I clicked on his 'Minors' tab, and here's what I saw:

Year Age Lg Lev PA AB R H 2B 3B HR RBI SB CS BB SO BA OBP SLG OPS
2011 25 PCL AAA 210 193 39 71 14 1 24 66 1 0 11 58 .368 .405 .824 1.229
Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 8/11/2011.

 

A 1.229 OPS in the PCL. In the Majors, Chris Davis has a career .750 OPS.

All right, who cares? That's one guy. One guy doesn't prove anything. But after seeing Davis, my brain was on high alert, and it sounded the alarm when I happened upon Wily Mo Peña. What has Wily Mo Peña been up to?

AAA: 1.161 OPS
Majors (career): .753 OPS

Okay, that's two data points. But I kept on browsing through the PCL, and I kept on finding more:

Cody Ransom

AAA: 1.069 OPS
Majors: .700 OPS

Mike Carp

AAA: 1.060 OPS
Majors: .804 OPS

Ryan Langerhans

AAA: 1.043 OPS
Majors: .705 OPS

Josh Fields

AAA: 1.103 OPS
Majors: .724 OPS

Bryan LaHair

AAA: 1.057 OPS
Majors: .661 OPS

Anthony Rizzo

AAA: 1.149 OPS
Majors: .547 OPS

Tyler Greene

AAA: 1.057 OPS
Majors: .609 OPS

Kyle Blanks

AAA: 1.137 OPS
Majors: .769 OPS

Eric Young

AAA: 1.005 OPS
Majors: .588 OPS

Jose Lopez

AAA: 1.125 OPS
Majors: .687 OPS

And there are more. Oh, are there ever so many more. I'm just stopping the list here because I don't want to overwhelm you. The entire PCL has an .814 OPS. The Aces have a .911 OPS as a team. The average Pacific Coast League game features more than 11 runs scored, where the average game in the Majors features fewer than nine.

All of this data points to one conclusion: man has colonized the moon, and is using it to play minor-league baseball.

It's amazing that more attention hasn't been paid to this. You'd think it would've at least made headlines when the Pacific Coast League announced the move, or when the first team broke ground on the first extraterrestrial stadium. But more amazing than the lack of attention is the fact that this is actually happening. Man isn't merely capable of walking on the moon anymore; man is capable of organized lunar recreation.

It's 2011, and there's minor-league baseball on the moon. I don't know how this is convenient for Major League affiliates. I don't know why it's still called the Pacific Coast League. I don't know how Fernando Perez is still batting just .238. But of all the visions I had of the future as a child, at least one of them has come true. Kid Jeff wouldn't find the future to be a complete disappointment.

The Colorado Springs Sky Sox. One half of that name is no longer accurate, and has to be changed. The other half is the most appropriate that it's ever been. The future is finally starting to live up to its promise, you guys. Today, there is baseball on the moon. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow we'll be driving there there to see it.

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