This message was recently broadcast on the big screen at the Rangers' Ballpark in Arlington:
Poll time! We're gonna pit the wave against the reigning champion of lame, "Adult Who Brings A Glove To A Baseball Game." After the jump, though, please see several of the most common excuses for participating in the wave.
You went to a baseball game. Sleep in the bed you made.
"There's a wave."
There's a wave because people like you are doing the wave!
All right, I'll admit that it's fun in the same way that a bonfire is fun. It's fun to see it develop and watch it to see whether it gains steam.
"There's a guy sitting behind me who will shoot me if I don't do the wave."
OK THAT'S FINE JUST DO THE WAVE
"My kids get a kick out of it."
Kids will get a kick out of anything they see you interested in. Talk about the statistics on the Jumbotron or something. Talk about anything. They're only thoughtless babbling lumps if you set their expectations accordingly.
"Well, all the players on the field are doing the wave. I don't see why I can't."
I... who is asking these questions? That isn't true!
"I'm that one guy who is dressed kind of like a peanut vendor, but isn't, and is always trying to get the wave going. What is to become of me?"
I know it's a drag, but in order for our nation to lurch forward, certain career fields must be eliminated. I feel that there's a very direct link between eliminating the deficit, developing solar-powered cars, and whether we do the wave.
"It's not a big deal. Why do you even care?"
This is the Internet.