BUD SELIG. All right, everyone. Seats. Let's finish up here.
JOE TORRE. Here we have Ben Revere... God, what did you do here, Ben?
(Via Baseball Nation's Jeff Sullivan)
BEN REVERE. I just tripped and fell.
JOE TORRE. (laughing) God if that isn't the ugliest triple I've ever seen.
BEN REVERE. No doubt.
JOE TORRE. (still laughing) I mean, you're so... bad!
BEN REVERE. It's such a bad play. We're all bad. That's what we've learned here today, isn't it? Shit, man, self-respect? That horse is out the door.
BUD SELIG. I think it is, I think it is. Okay, here's the Cubs dugout, and...
(Via the Orange County Register's Sam Miller)
The room erupts in laughter.
BUD SELIG. What's going on here? Can I get some context?
JOE TORRE. No, no, none. I don't want any. God, that's just great.
BUD SELIG. I love this. I just get to laugh at baseball. Just sit and laugh at it.
JOE TORRE. God. I remember when -- and by the way, here's Fausto Carmona tripping over absolutely f***in' nothing --
Another round of laughter.
-- when I I really thought of this game as something to, I don't know, get all weepy about. Some shit about... what, how green the grass is? The sound the ball makes against the bat? It's liberating, you know, to not have to think like that anymore. To just screw around on the field like the clowns we are. Make people happy, make some money, go home, be with our families. That's what it is. That's what it's about.
BUD SELIG. I think it is.
JOE TORRE. Okay, so we got, what, two more of these?
BUD SELIG. Yes, two more. Oh, God. Okay, this one is... Victorino? Shane Victorino, are you still here?
(Via Baseball Nation's Grant Brisbee)
SHANE VICTORINO. (stands up, grins) Hell yeah I'm still here!
Applause, hoots, and hollers fill the room.
BUD SELIG. Shane Victorino, animated GIF hero! So in this one, you're on a minor league assignment, and you round the bases, and nobody tells you the ball's foul until after you're past third.
SHANE VICTORINO. Yeah. You know, I'm really happy y'all have warmed up since this morning. 'Cause, you know, I was in that first GIF y'all showed today, trying to throw the ball to the infield and just falling on my face for no reason.
BUD SELIG. Well, you know, this is sort of unbelievable. I feel like we've all come together here on something. I have to say, just a few minutes ago, I was talking with Joe--
JOE TORRE. --we were talking about this, and we said, "you know what, we learned nothing today." That isn't true. We learned something. I learned that we're able to get together, all of us, in this room, and laugh. Baseball is pretty stupid. It's just a game. It's a game, some stuff happens, some people cheer, we go home, we do it the next day. Baseball ain't much.
BUD SELIG. Baseball ain't much. Okay, guys, everyone's free to go, looks like we have one more here.
Chairs screech, and chatter begins.
BUD SELIG. Here it is.
(Via Baseball Nation's Jeff Sullivan)
BUD SELIG. Oh... God.
The room falls silent.
JOE TORRE. Jesus.
BUD SELIG. You see that? You see his face?
JOE TORRE. Yes, yes.
BUD SELIG. That should be... that is...
A long silence.
JOE TORRE. God.
SELIG's forearms fall to the table. He picks up a pen and fiddles with it.
Another silent moment passes.
SELIG raps his pen against the table a few times, first lightly, then loudly.
BUD SELIG. We're going to work. It's... we're going back to work. When's the first game today?
JOE TORRE. Um, 1:05 Eastern. Braves at Nationals.
BUD SELIG. Okay. Ha. (exhales heavily) All right. (addresses room) Thanks for attending this, uh...
Those in attendance quickly stand and wordlessly file out of the room.
JOE TORRE. Suppose I'll see you in New York.
BUD SELIG. Yeah, yes.
TORRE nods at SELIG, looks toward the screen, and leaves.
SELIG sits alone in the conference room. He draws his palm across his mouth, rises to his feet, and stands still.
BUD SELIG. (quietly) All of it is a miracle. All of it. Every hit, fair or foul. All the... every tumble, every turn. All of them. All of it.
SELIG slowly walks toward the exit, stops, and looks again at the projector.
BUD SELIG. That is just so f***ing rad.
SELIG walks out of the room.