Destroying Something Beautiful: The Disappointing Comerica Park Field-Stormer

tigersplank

Sigh.

I suggest that you and I sit down for a moment and really get to the root of something. What is this? What is field-storming? Is it a fleeting novelty? Well, clearly it isn't; unauthorized folks have been running on fields for decades.

Is a meme? Forgive the ridiculous question, but before we go further we must nail this down. I hope we can agree that it is not. Memes are mass-produced intellectual knickknacks. While it might be true -- at least, it seems true -- that folks run on fields more often than they used to, do not confuse "less rare" for "common." They are jewels, each one of them, not to be wasted.

On Sunday in Detroit, one was wasted.

The planking meme is viciously humdrum, mediocre, and boring. You can't think of eight words to assign to Scumbag Steve? You can't say anything at all? That is fine. Just lie here. Finally, a meme to which you can belong that asks absolutely nothing of you.

Please, though, stifle your desire to intermingle it with higher art forms (read: actual art forms). Field-storming is wild and wonderful. Each one is different. Some are naked. Some wear wedding dresses. Some are violently tackled to the grass. Others elude security for an eternity. Surely there are hundreds of other variations just waiting to be discovered.

I would never, and will never, run on a field. Most wouldn't. But we cannot honestly deny that they are acts of bravery. If you are among these brave folks who find yourself in the middle of the field with confused outfielders gawking at you and tens of thousands of people vociferously cheering you on, you have something awfully special and rare. Do not waste it, as this doofus did, on a three-cent meme.

I usually diagram field-stormings. This doesn't deserve it. This fellow has a website dedicated to all his plankings. I'm not going to link to it. The mediocrity is gross. Get it away.

Fortunately, the proceedings were offered a shot at redemption when a second fan took to the Comerica Park field.

Unbelievable. Is that another plank? The average-ness is suffocating.

I was so optimistic when I started upon this task this morning. I really was. I wanted to show you something really terrific. I wanted to use my terribly limited visual design skills to make a pretty picture for you. Just for you!

I cannot. I am sorry. I cannot paint. There are no colors.

For a look back on happier days, please see:
The Citi Field Stormer: A Celebration Of Terrible Planning
The Gentleman-Bride At Turner Field: A Complete Analysis
The Rogers Centre Field-Stormer, Or, the Industry's First Television Star
The Safeco Field Four: Reliving Saturday Night's Field-Storming Majesty
The Sun Life Streaker: Full Analysis Of The Antics Of A Naked Man
He Is Legend: The Astros Fan Who Ran On The Field And Got Away

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