30. Nick Novak becomes probably the first person ever to urinate on live American network television
(Via Something Awful forum member Jagfire)
29. This man hit .303 last year
I have never, ever seen a professional baseball player step into a swing with his back foot. How a man could just up and do that after doing the same thing the same way for his entire waking life is beyond me.
But as long as he's the batter, it's his batter's box, and he should be able to do whatever the Hell he wants within its confines. It's a sovereign territory on which no government can lay claim. Grow crops. Draw up a constitution. Issue postage stamps. Knock yourself out!
28. The dancing referee
I know this might look like a simple out-of-bounds or travel situation, and that there's no conceivable reason for the referee to be doing ... whatever it is he's doing. What you don't understand is that whenever a game gets dull, referees have the seldom-exercised right to declare Super Xtreme Basketball Fun Time, which you see him doing here. Super Xtreme Basketball Fun Time differs from standard basketball in several ways.
- The shot clock is replaced with the surviving lineup of Bachman Turner Overdrive performing the chorus to "Takin' Care of Business."
- Fourteen extra live basketballs are introduced.
- The backboards are replaced with chimpanzees.
- The area of play is shared with the game show Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? While the basketball game is in progress, a child will run around and place beacons on the appropriate countries on the map that is painted over the court. Players are encouraged to help!
- Anyone who was a cast member in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure is allowed to wander on the court and act with complete impunity.
Unfortunately, this GIF does not last long enough to show you the ensuing spectacle after the referee declared Super Xtreme Basketball Fun Time. Bummer. Animated GIFs are beautiful things, but they have their technological limitations.
27. Baseball's Winter Meetings are super-interesting
hey everyone, let's check in on baseball's Winter Meetings and see how things are doing
(Via Grant Brisbee)
oh ok cool
26. Daniel Sedin, pacifist hero
(Via Travis Hughes)
I don't really know how much of an insecure weirdo creep you have to be to find someone who didn't do anything to you and just punch him over and over even though he clearly is not fighting back, but that is what Brad Marchand is doing to Daniel Sedin. Marchand's explanation: "I felt like it."
Whatever, butthole. To be hyper-aggressive is to just follow the script written by millions of years of evolution. The less you're interested in placing checks on those traits, the less interesting of a person you are. You know what really makes you your own man? Displaying the unconditional sort of pacifism we see above, because when you do so, there is no evolutionary precedent. You're all alone, doing your own thing, making your own way. Pacifism is for heroes, no joke.